How I Soar
by Fia Reynne
Summary: AU, branching off near the ending of the BDM, so potentially spoilerish, if you haven't seen it. This is the first Firefly fic I've written that I thought was good enough to actually share, so please be kind. Feedback is crack, please feed my habit.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored.**

He felt rather than saw it as the Reavers' harpoon went sailing through the windscreen. Death is loud, he  
thought, and sounds like Zoe screaming. The ground came up on him fast, and he realized he was alive. Bleeding, battered, thrown to the floor of the cockpit, but alive. Zoe, however…

"We gotta get going," Mal insisted. "Now."  
"But, Mal -" He picked himself up off the floor, staring at his wife's body in shock. "She…"

"Now, Wash!"

There was no time for tears, his or Mal's. And there wouldn't be, for a good long time. Wash went on autopilot; held the front lines with Jayne, in Zoe's place, until they couldn't hold any longer. Tended to Kaylee and Simon while River slew every Reaver she laid her hands or weapons on. Kept a brave face, like he knew Zoe would've done. _Give me strength, baby_, he prayed, _give me strength to keep them alive, and then I'll come home to you_.

When it was all said and done, he couldn't really remember how he'd managed to come out alive. Even Inara took a bullet - just a graze - but he was untouched, and the whole event was a blur of violence and terror in his grief-fogged mind.

-------

After the memorial service they held for Zoe, Book and Mr. Universe, Mal turned to Wash and said, "She loved you. I always told her that was a damn fool thing to do."

"That weren't nice," Kaylee hissed at Mal. "Don't you know he's hurtin' 'least as bad as you?"

Mal looked at her, but didn't say a word before continuing on his way back to Serenity.

"Mal don't mean nothin' by it," Kaylee soothed, patting Wash on the back. "He's just -"

"He meant it," Wash interrupted, trying his best not to let the others see him cry; Zoe would've been strong. "And he's right."

-------

"He's not doing well," Simon frowned. "He's still a danger to himself, and I have him heavily sedated; there's no way he can fly right now."

Mal sighed. "Me an' the little albatross can handle things awhile. Don't got much use for a pilot can't fly, but I guess he's… family," he added grudgingly.

"He needs you to forgive him before he can forgive himself," River said softly. "He thinks it's his fault Zoe died."

"It is his gorram fault," Mal snapped. "Weren't for her goin' an' fallin' in love with 'im, I'd still have my best friend and my gorram  
pilot.

"No," River whispered, tears streaking her cheeks. "My fault."

"No, _mei-mei_, none of this is your fault," Simon soothed. It wasn't altogether truthful, he admitted to himself.

"She knew. She knew and she told Zoe what would happen! Told her she couldn't change it," River sobbed. "She told her so she would be prepared, but she changed it!"

Mal stared blankly at the girl for a moment, digesting this new bit of information. After a moment he turned to Simon. "Doc, is he - is he conscious? Can I see him?" Simon nodded and Mal brushed past him into the infirmary. "Doc tells me you tried to off yourself, that right?" he asked casually. Wash refused to meet his eyes. "Reckon I might try that my own self, were I hurtin' like you are, if 'Nara…" he trailed off. "Zoe knew that harpoon was meant for you. Ain't a thing you or I coulda said or done to make that woman change her mind once it was set, you know that." Wash narrowed his eyes, finally looking at Mal. "Don't make her death meaningless," Mal choked. "She gave her life for yours, even an' square, an' you owe it to her to make the most of it, _dong ma_?"

"It hurts," Wash whispered. "I can't breathe without her."

"You can," Mal said simply. "An' you did. You will again."

"It hurts so much…"

Mal nodded. "It'll hurt for a long while. You take all the time you need to rest up. The girl an' I can handle the flyin' for a while. She's a good pilot - she ain't you, but she'll keep us in the sky for now." Wash nodded, and Mal half-smiled. "Kaylee an' Simon are hopin' you'll be outta here in time for their weddin'. Kaylee'd want you there no matter what, but I'm performin' the service since the preacher… well, since I'm a bona fide captain an' all. I bet Simon'd sure like someone other'n Jayne to stand up for 'im."

Wash laughed. It was only a small one, more like a sharp release of breath, but it was enough to make a tidal wave of relief wash over Mal. "Wouldn't miss it," Wash said with a half-smile of his own.

"See that you don't," Mal said as he left.

-------

It was a short, quiet ceremony. Mal wasn't much for words, or for God, so he cut right to the chase and made it up as he went. To Simon, he asked, "You're gonna keep her happy, fed, clothed when appropriate, and alive, _dong ma_?" Kaylee had been asked, "You promise to keep this _ho-tze de pigu_ outta trouble so much as you can?"

Kaylee looked beautiful, barefoot, in an ankle-length red satin _cheongsam_ that Inara ordered as a wedding gift from a designer on Osiris she had contracted with several times; her hair was twisted up onto her head and Wash realized that the little girl he relied on to keep Serenity in the sky wasn't a little girl after all - she was a beautiful, graceful woman, and she was about to make Simon the happiest man in the 'verse. Simon was, for once in his life, surprisingly under-dressed, at least in comparison with his beautiful bride. He wore black slacks and a plain black dress shirt, open at the collar, with no tie, and he cried when Kaylee said "I do."

River was insulted for Jayne that he hadn't been chosen as best man; made the captain all kinds of suspicious, but Jayne laughed it off. "Gorram crazy girl," he'd said, with what Wash was certain was affection. Simon, of course, was too captivated with his bubbly young bride to notice the meaningful looks his sister and the self-proclaimed badass mercenary were sharing.

Wash pasted on a smile, and after a while it became mostly genuine. He danced with the bride, danced with River, with Inara… with Mal and then Jayne after a few too many toasts to the happy couple. Forgot for a few precious hours the gaping hole in his heart. It almost felt good.

The next morning, his heartache matched his headache. He should have learned by now that you shouldn't drink quite so much of Kaylee's special home brew - you didn't really notice its effects until you were puking it up in the wee hours of the morning. He could remember times he and Zoe had nursed one another back to health after a particularly tough but successful job, or rather, the consequent celebration. But Zoe was gone now, he reminded himself, and there was no one there to dispense aspirin and sympathy for him. He even had to make his own coffee, which was odd, because even after a long night spent drinking, Mal usually managed to be up before everyone else.

When his hangover-fogged mind pieced together where the captain had likely spent the night, he smiled. Two birds with one stone, he thought. Simon made an honest woman out of Kaylee, and Inara made Mal face the truth about his feelings for her. Or, things had gone horribly awry, and Mal had landed himself hog-tied in the hold. He made a note to go check when he could blink without the sound  
jarring his head.

"Drink juice," River advised, startling him. "And water. The caffeine in coffee eases the pain, but will also further dehydrate you." She poured him a tall glass of orange juice, which he accepted gratefully,  
but stared at instead of drinking it.

"I don't want to… you know, waste it," he explained. "My stomach's still pretty pissed off at me."

River nodded, pouring another glass. "For Jayne," she said, smiling shyly. "Our secret, promise?"

Wash grinned, a real genuine Wash-grin, and River looked like he'd just handed her a thousand platinum. "I won't say a word," he swore, and with a brilliant smile, she planted a kiss on his forehead and danced away towards Jayne's bunk, never spilling a drop of precious orange juice.

"He's like me," River commented to Simon, who, after several days sequestered in shuttle two with his beautiful new wife, was now looking with evident frustration at Wash's chart.

"What's that, _mei-mei_?" Simon looked up; he didn't really know what he was looking for in the first place. "Did you say something?"

"Stronger than he looks," River smiled. "She taught him strength. And some day he'll realize it."

Simon looked at his sister with new eyes. "You're really getting better, aren't you?"

She stuck out her tongue. "Told you."

The Mandarin:  
_dong ma?_ - understand?  
_mei-mei_ - sister  
_ho-tze de pigu_ - monkey's ass

_Cheongsam_ is actually Cantonese, which literally translated means "long dress," but has come to indicate a certain style of traditional Chinese dress, and the Mandarin word for the same dress is very close.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"Mornin' Wash," Mal said, a little too cheerfully. "You ain't plannin' on flyin' us into no asteroid belts or moons or nothin' today, are ya?"

Wash glared at him. "That stopped being funny weeks ago. I'm not going to kill myself, I'm not going to kill everybody. I might snap and kill you, though," he added. Wash knew that if Simon didn't think he was stable, he'd still be in the infirmary, and if Mal really thought he was a danger to the crew or himself, he wouldn't be at the helm. "Why are you so cheerful, anyway?"

Mal grinned. "I ain't cheerful."

Wash raised an eyebrow; it was a gesture he'd picked up from Zoe that more or less meant, 'you're lying,' or 'you're an idiot.' "Mal, if you smile any wider, the top of your head is gonna just fall off."

"Maybe I am a little," Mal conceded. "No reason not to be; my boat's in the sky, my crew's happy, got food in my belly… 'Nara's retirin'-"

"Aha!" Wash said, jabbing Mal in the chest with his index finger. "I knew something was going on!"

"Nothin's goin' on," Mal said. "Just a statement of fact. 'Nara's retirin' from the guild is all. Got some harebrained notion to feed the hungry or clothe the nekkid or somesuch with her pension money."

Wash nodded, only half-listening. He could feel Mal staring at him with that gorram foolish grin. Wash pretended to ignore him for a while, until it became clear he wasn't going anywhere. "Would you stop that?" Wash shuddered. "Mal, you're creeping me out with this… giddyness."

"Mal Reynolds don't do giddy," Mal beamed. "Wash, I don't think you're hearin' me. Said 'Nara's retirin.'"

"I got it, Mal. I'm happy for you. Really. But forgive me for not leaping out of my seat in unrestrained glee, okay? It's not exactly easy for me to watch the whole crew pair off into neat little happy couples when my wife is dead," Wash snapped. "For Christ's sake, Mal, did you really think I needed to hear this today?"

Mal's smile faded while his mind searched for the significance of the date. "Today? Wash… I-"

"If anyone besides me an' Zo was gonna remember what today is, I'd think it'd be you," Wash said quietly. "It woulda been our anniversary."

Mal chuckled softly. "You blacked my eye."

"Well, I ended up with a loose tooth and a bloody nose," Wash said fondly. "I have rags up my nose in all the wedding photos. And besides, you deserved it; you were drunk and hysterical."

"I weren't the only one," Mal pointed out. "An' anyway, you're supposed to slap someone who's hysterical, not sock 'em in the eye."

"I tried that first," Wash laughed. "That's why you punched me. I only hit you back so Zoe wouldn't think I was a wimp."

"An' then she knocked our heads together-" Mal snickered.

"-and that's how my tooth got knocked loose. I'm lucky I didn't lose that tooth, I wouldn't be anywhere near as attractive with a gap in my brilliant smile." Wash shook his head, chuckling.

"She was a hell of a woman," Mal said wistfully.

"Sure was," Wash agreed. "Hard to believe she's been gone almost five months," he sighed. "Seems like a heartbeat sometimes. Others…"

"A lifetime," Mal finished for him. "For all our differences, Wash, you an' me got one thing in common. That gorram _feng le_ woman loved us both somethin' fierce."

Wash nodded. "She must have been crazy."

-------

"Kaylee," Inara warned, "it's not final. My application hasn't been accepted yet. We shouldn't say anything until-"

"Hey, 'Nara," Wash smiled as he walked into the kitchen. "Kaylee." He poured himself a glass of water. "Feel free to continue discussing your retirement," he winked. "I won't tell a soul."

Inara closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose as though she had a headache. "Mal."

"Aw, he's excited, 'Nara," Kaylee squealed. "It's so romantic, you givin' up your career for true love-"

"This isn't about him," Inara insisted. "This is about what's right. It's about my conscience."

"Never worried 'bout yer conscience when you was sexin' up all them fancy rich guys," Jayne commented as he entered the room. "Don't seem like to start botherin' ya now."

"Argh," Inara growled.

"I've never heard that particular syllable so well enunciated," Simon teased as he came in on Jayne's heels. He went immediately to Kaylee, placing a hand on the small of her back and kissing her cheek.

"'Nough o' that mush," Jayne complained. He was more jealous than disgusted, though. River wouldn't let him kiss her like that in front of no one.

"Infuriating," Inara sighed, throwing her hands up. "There's no such thing as a private conversation on this xiao-le ship!" They heard her scream in frustration as she passed Mal in the corridor.

"Did I miss something'?" He asked the others. "I'm pretty sure that weren't her happy face. That was more of a 'come any closer and I'll beat you to death with the wet end o' your arm after I tear it off ya' face."

Everyone shrugged. "No privacy," River sighed. No one had heard her come into the room. "Too much privacy. No secrets, too many secrets." She turned to Mal. "She's in her shuttle. You should go see her. But don't apologize. It isn't nice to lie, and you're not sorry she's quitting."

Mal sighed. "I haven't got a clue what in the ruttin' hell you're talkin' about, little witch, but I reckon you're probably right, as usual. 'Scuse me, folks." He followed in the direction Inara had headed.

"Too many secrets, huh?" Jayne said meaningfully. "Reckon you're damn right about that much. There's things on this boat need sayin', an' that's for shit sure." He stormed off, and Wash heard him smash a fist into the bulkhead in the corridor, followed by a string of colorful Mandarin phrases. Wash put his empty glass into the sink, shot River a disapproving glance, and followed after the angry merc.

Jayne was still standing in the hallway, sucking his bloodied knuckles. "You kiss little River with that mouth?" Wash demanded quietly, so Kaylee and Simon wouldn't hear from the kitchen.

Jayne glared at him. "What, you're psychic, now, too?"

"No, but I'm not blind, either," Wash replied. "The others don't see it because they're too involved with their own love lives and crises. I'm just not… romantically impaired. Anymore."

"Whatever," Jayne grunted. "Just get outta my way, little man, or your face is gonna be my next target."

"She's gotta have a good reason not to tell, Jayne," Wash said.

"Yeah," the big man replied. "I reckon she's 'shamed of me."

-------

"Babies?" Inara asked, shocked. "My retirement request hasn't even been approved and you're talking to me about babies?"

Mal nodded. "Yeah. Little things, red and wrinkly? Smell really good even though all they do is sleep and shit? Only asked if you wanted any, didn't say when or who the daddy'd be," he smirked.

"Right," she sighed, calming down. "I'm sorry, it's just… I'm on edge right now. The guild might not approve my early retirement, and then… I don't know what." She paused. "I never gave it any thought."

Mal blinked. "'Nara, you're soundin' a little River-ish this moment."

"Babies," she clarified. "I never thought about having any, because I never saw myself leaving the guild, let alone falling in love. I rather thought love was an out-moded concept, at least in civilized - on core planets."

"People in the core get hitched, have families," Mal pointed out.

"True," Inara agreed, "but for them it's about money, about prestige. Marriage is a business arrangement. Children are assets. Simon and River could attest to that."

"Wash an' Zoe never changed your head about that?"

"There's an exception to every rule, Mal. You of all people should know that." Inara smiled. "What about you? I never pictured you as the marrying type, although I could imagine you with kids. You'll be an amazing daddy."

"Will be?" Mal asked hopefully, closing the space between them.

"Not tomorrow," she laughed softly, kissing his nose, "but someday, yes. I promise."

"I hope they have their mama's eyes."

-------

"Could just be a fluke, Simon, you said it yourself," Kaylee insisted.

"There's at least one way to be sure," Simon said testily. "But I can't draw blood without your consent."

Kaylee frowned. "I ain't consentin'. 'Least, not yet. Give it a week or two, Simon, please?"

"Kaylee-"

"Simon, I don't wanna get my hopes up yet, okay?" Sighing, Kaylee placed her hand on her stomach. If there's someone there, they'll let us know soon enough. If there ain't, well, we'll know that soon enough, too."

"Happy anniversary, _xin gan_," Wash murmured, throwing the last article of Zoe's clothing into the last crate of her belongings. "I love you." He paused. Sighed. Picked the shirt back up and hung it in the closet with his gaudy Hawaiian shirts. "I'm just not ready to let go."

The Mandarin:  
_feng le_ - crazy  
_xiao-le_ - too small  
_xin gan_ - darling


	3. Chapter 3

Title: How I Soar (3?)  
Author: Fia Reynne  
Characters: Wash, Kaylee/Simon, Mal/Inara, River/Jayne  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Inara recieves news from the Guild - both good and bad. Mal is in a disturbingly good mood, still. But not for too much longer.

Kaylee gasped, and River looked confused. "You ain't gonna do it, are ya, 'Nara?"

Inara's perfect posture was lost as her shoulders slumped. "I can't really see any way out of it," she said softly. "But then, I don't know how I could possibly betray Mal in that way. Things between us are already fragile, at best."

"But it's not betrayal," River said, wrinkling her nose. "Merely fulfillment of a legitimate business contract."

"Cap'n won't see it like that," Kaylee explained. "He's more committed to ya than you think, 'Nara. It'll prob'ly break his heart."

"There's heartbreaking going on and I haven't been informed?" Wash asked, sticking his head into Inara's shuttle. "I hate to interrupt, ladies, but the cortex terminal on the bridge just shorted and I'm trying to download some co-ords."

"Feel free," Inara said, gesturing toward her own terminal.

"So," Wash said, sitting down and connecting to the cortex. "Mind my asking what you girls are talkin' about?"

"'Nara got a wave from the Companions' Guild Headquarters," Kaylee informed him. "They approved her application. She's officially retirin'!"

"Well, that's good news," Wash grinned. "I can think of a certain captain who will be thrilled to hear that. Where's the heartbreak come in? Hundreds of clients mourning the loss of their favorite arm candy?"

Inara grimaced. "Melina - Melina Carassa, my guild liason - told me my pension is contingent on completion of a final assignment."

"Some fancy-pants millionaire on Calliope," Kaylee added. "Asked for her, special."

"Ah," Wash nodded. "How'd Mal take it?"

"I haven't told him yet," Inara replied. "I haven't decided whether I'm going to do it or not. Is destroying whatever this is Mal and I have worth it just to receive my pension? On the one hand, it seems terribly shallow to risk something as important as this solely for the sake of money, but on the other, there's a lot of good that could be done with my pension fund. Kaylee could have her new compression coil, for instance, and I could help out the families of the miners killed at Haven…"

"Follow your conscience," Wash advised. "Thanks for letting me use your terminal. Ladies, enjoy the rest of your day." He turned to go, but turned back. "Kaylee, when you get a minute, could help me rewire the main terminal?"

"Sure thing, Wash," Kaylee said cheerfully. "I'll be right along."

"Take your time," he smiled. "It's not life or death. 'Nara needs you more than I do right now." He headed back up to the bridge, the coordinates scribbled on his palm in blue ink. He punched them up on the nav screen and looked surprised. "Calliope it is, then."

-------

"Cap'n," Kaylee began.

Mal raised an eyebrow. "Kaylee?"

"You know I don't like to ask favors, don'tcha?"

"Reckon I do," he said reasonably. "Reckon you're about to, though."

Kaylee nodded. "It ain't for me, not really. Y'know my cousin Michael died a few months back?"

Mal thought for a moment. "I do recall you mentionin', yeah. Go on."

"Well, his wife Kate and their little girl are in some pretty dire straits. They been livin' with her brother, an' he's gettin' married in the spring, an' his fiancee wants Kate an' Hannah outta the way. Jobs is scarce back home, an' work ain't easy to come by, 'specially for a single mother."

"Uh huh," Mal nodded.

"Katie's a real fair hand in the kitchen, an' you been sayin' as how you always wanted to hire a cook…"

"I see," Mal said, his expression unreadable. "Your mama tell you to ask?"

"Yeah," Kaylee admitted, "But I woulda asked anyhow. Kate an' me grew up together. Mama said Kate'd be willin' to work in exchange for room an' board. She don't need no wages so long as she an' Hanna have a place to live and food in their bellies."

"Which end of the 'verse do we have to haul our tails to in order to pick up this Cousin Kate?" Mal sighed. He was supposed to be a mean old man, not the owner and operator of a home for little lost puppies.

"Aw, Cap'n, you're the greatest!" Kaylee planted a kiss on his cheek. "Mama an' Daddy ain't got much, even after what I send home, but they said as they'd pay her fare to Calliope."

"All right, li'l Kaylee," Mal smiled. "But only since we need a cook an' we're gonna be on Calliope in a week anyhow. Why don't you go ahead an' make them up a room. No," he said, changing his mind. "Give 'em the two adjacent passenger dorms. Grown woman oughta have her privacy," he grinned.

"Have I mentioned how much I love my Cap'n?" Kaylee squealed.

"Once or twice," he said, still smiling. "Though I never do tire of hearin' it."

"'Nara, you ain't told him yet," Kaylee hissed in the hallway. "Know how I know? 'Cause I just asked him 'bout my cousin Kate an' he didn't even try to argue, just asked where we was gonna pick her up! You gotta tell him!"

"Kaylee, hush!" Inara whispered. "I'm going to tell him right now. I knew if I brought it up before he agreed to hire your cousin, she and her little girl would have to turn elsewhere for help, and that wouldn't be fair to them."

"Thank you," Kaylee said gratefully. "I really hate to think of poor Katie and sweet li'l Hannah out on the streets. I ain't met her, but you should see her picture. Cutest li'l thing, with a head fulla blonde ringlets…"

"You're so very dear," Inara said fondly, placing a hand on Kaylee's cheek. She studied Kaylee for a moment. "Have you done something different? With your hair, maybe, or… make-up?"

"Uh-uh," Kaylee said, shaking her head. "Why d'you ask?"

"You just look… lovelier than normal. Radiant, even." Inara smiled. "I guess marriage just suits you. It's so nice to see you happy."

Kaylee blushed. "Thanks, 'Nara. Good luck."

"I'll need it," Inara sighed.

"Afternoon, darlin'," Mal drawled when he saw Inara. "You an' Kaylee an' River ready to hit the shops when we dock at Calliope?"

Inara blinked. "Calliope?"

"Got work there, don't we?" he grinned. "Be nice to have a little coin in our pockets. Don't reckon Duncan Philips'll be too glad to see me, but that goes with the territory."

"Duncan Philips?" Inara repeated.

"You stuck on repeat, woman?" Mal teased. He pulled her close and kissed her soundly. "Man could get used to havin' license to do this whenever he wants."

"Mm." Inara replied intelligently. "I've just got to… talk. To River. And/or Wash."

"You do that, darlin'," Mal nodded. "I gotta make Jayne up a shoppin' list. What do two-year-olds eat, anyway?"

-------

"Honestly, Inara, mum's the word. If you knew half the secrets I've been keeping for the other folks on this boat you wouldn't think to question my integrity," Wash said defensively. "I set course for Calliope because that's where the co-ords Mal's contact sent me led to."

"Mal's contact?" Inara asked suspiciously. "Since when does Mal have a contact on Calliope?"

"He doesn't. Badger set him up a while back with a fella called Dusty. He operates out of Constance, which, if you remember grade one, is one of Calliope's moons."

"Thank you for the geography lesson," she replied sarcastically. "So Mal really doesn't know? I don't understand… he mentioned my client by name."

"Duncan Philips is your client?" Wash whistled. "He'll be glad to see the back of us, if he ever figures out what we're up to."

"What are we up to?"

"Good old-fashioned breaking and entering," Wash grinned, "with a side of grand larceny."

"Grand larceny! You're going to rob my client. My very rich and therefore powerful client?"

Wash nodded. "Seems our Mr. Philips has a very interesting collection. Like the dragon of Western myth, he hoards treasure. Gemstones, actually, from Earth-that-was. The one we're after is the Star of the East."

Inara shook her head. "That hasn't been seen since the riots of 2143. It isn't possible."

"Oh, but it is," Wash disagreed. "Dusty's man on the inside has already verified its location and authenticity. The other stones that were in the same setting are gone, but it's definitely the Star."

"It was probably easier to sell the smaller emeralds," Inara nodded. "This means two things: I have to tell Mal about my assignment, since he doesn't know, after all."

"And?"

"I'm going to be our man on the inside."

-------

"Mal," Inara said, surprised. "I wasn't expecting-"

"I know," he grinned. "Thought I'd give ya a little gift." From behind his back he drew a small package and taking a knee. "Ain't much, but I been holdin' onto it a while, hopin' I'd get the chance to give it to ya someday."

Inara opened the small box. He was right, it wasn't much - but it was lovely, and it must have cost him dearly. "Isn't this a little… sudden?" she asked, looking up at him through hooded eyes.

"Not really," he shrugged, eyes dancing with excitement. "You an' me been dancin' around each other since the day we met. Figured it was a matter of time."

"I have a final assignment," she blurted out, watching his face fall. "Philips. He's my client. If I don't contract with him, the guild is going to liquidate my pension fund."

"You earned that money with - pardon the expression - the sweat of your brow," Mal said angrily. "They can't do that."

"They can," she replied, shaking her head. "And they will."

"We don't need the money," Mal whispered. She could see the pure hope in his eyes.

"There are people who do," she replied softly, looking away and refusing to meet his gaze. "I have to do this."

"No," Mal said sadly. "You don't. Ain't nothin' saintly about whorin' to feed the poor." He stood, turned, and stormed out of her shuttle, leaving her to stare through her tears at the simple diamond solitaire she held in her hands.


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"River... _mei-mei_, you're naked," Simon said slowly. River gave him her patented eye-roll. "This is the kitchen."

"Not stupid, Simon," River began.

"Gotcha, you little clothes-stealin' -"

"Jayne!" Simon gasped. "Dear lord, would you put that thing away?"

Jayne's hands flew to cover his man-bits. "Doc. Uh, what you doin', uh, in the kitchen at this hour?"

"Getting a snack," Simon answered. "Thoug I've just lost my appetite. River, what is -"

"Took my clothes!" Jayne blurted out. "I weren't in 'em, an' she - she took 'em. I's just chasin' her to - to get 'em back, see?"

"Okay..." Simon said, confused. "But River, why are you naked?"

"Because I'm not wearing any clothes," River said patiently, looking at Simon as though he were a very small, mentally challenged child.

"Everyone on this ship is going space-crazy," Simon muttered, turning to head back to the bunk he shared with his wife. "The captain won't stop smiling, my sister is naked in the kitchen... either they're losing it or I am."

"Don't forget Kaylee's _xiaochi_," River called after him.

"Right," he replied, doubling back for the cookies.

"What in the ruttin' hell was that?" Jayne demanded. "Yer a gorram reader, girl. Don't tell me you didn't know you'd run into the doc out here."

River shrugged. "It's of no consequence."

"No consequence?" Jayne repeated. "Why don'tcha care yer gorram brother seen us both naked as jaybirds, when ya won't even ruttin' tell him 'bout us?"

"Planting the seeds," River said airily, dismissing him with a wave of her hand.

"No seed's gonna be plantin' 'round here," Jayne frowned. "How you gonna explain a baby when you can't even admit yer sleepin' with me?"

River smiled slowly, deliberately. "That phrase is highly inaccurate. Very little sleeping actually occurs."

"Sleepin', sexin', ruttin' - call it what the hell you want, but there ain't no more of it gonna happen 'til you're ready to come clean."

"I'm very clean," River purred, trying to distract him. "And I always -"

"No more!" Jayne barked, snatching his clothes back from her. "An' this time I mean it."

-------

"Hey, River," Wash smiled blearily. If he looked like he'd just been woken from a sound sleep, it was because he had, just a few minutes before. "What're you doin' up in the middle of the night, lover's tiff?"

River sniffled and nodded.

"Thought so. Want I should go beat him up for you?" he offered, earning a soggy giggle from the teary-eyed girl.

"Mal hauled you out of bed," River stated. "We're almost there."

"Two points for the pretty girl in... orange?"

"Peach," she replied. "It wasn't him, it was me."

"He still wants to go public, huh?" Wash asked sympathetically. "Can't blame him. Not every day a guy like him - or me - gets a girl like you - or Zoe. It's a point of honor." He sighed. "He thinks you're ashamed of him."

River stared at him, a thoughtful expression on her face. "She wants you to be happy," she said, finally, wiping her nose on the sleeve of her night-dress, looking for all the world like a little girl. "Promise me you'll let yourself be happy?"

Wash looked mildly confused, which was how he usually felt after a conversation with River. "Um... I promise?"

River smiled at him. "That's all she needed to hear," she said, leaving Wash alone to wonder exactly who the word "she" referred to.

"Take us into the gorram world already," Mal growled, appearing on the bridge with two steaming mugs of coffee.

"Yes, sir, Captain Grumpy-Pants," Wash muttered under his breath.

-------

"Aw, Katie, it's real good to see ya," Kaylee said, folding her childhood friend - her cousin's widow - into a hug. "I was real sorry to hear about Michael, an' even sorrier I didn't make it for the service. How's li'l Hannah holdin' up?"

"_Ping_, mama," the toddler insisted. "Wan' _ping_!"

Kate laughed, handing her cherub-faced little girl a bottle of juice. "She's fine. She doesn't remember her daddy none," she added sadly. "She wasn't even walking then; it's been almost a year."

"That long?" Kaylee felt terrible. "I'm awful sorry. I shoulda waved you, seen if you was all right -"

"We're okay, now," Kate smiled. "And someday we'll be all better, right sweetie?"

"All better," the little girl parroted.

"Well, now, Mrs. Tam, you didn't tell me yer cousin was such a looker," Mal said, in a tone more cheerful than he felt. "Malcolm Reynolds," he smiled, offering his hand.

"Kaitlyn Frye," she replied, shaking the offered hand. "Thank you so much for taking us in."

"Think nothin' of it," he said. "This pretty little girl must be Hannah."

"Dada!" Hannah shrieked excitedly.

"No, sweetie, that's not -" Kate began, but the little girl had taken off like a shot and was wrapping her arms around Serenity's baffled pilot. "That ain't Daddy," she told her, firmly. "I'm so sorry, mister -"

"Wash," he smiled. "It's okay. My pantleg has never looked so adorable. "You must be Kaylee's cousin?"

"Kate," she answered. "And you must be the hotshot flyboy Kaylee's told me about?"

"That's what they say," he laughed. "I hear you've taken it upon yourself to fatten us up a bit?"

"Well, our folks always used to say Kaylee and I had our destinies mapped out for us; hers led to the garage and mine led to the kitchen. I was going to culinary school, actually, when Hannah decided to make her grand entrance."

"If you're half as good a cook as Kaylee is a mechanic," he said, walking in circles to the delighted shrieks of the small child attached to his leg like a leech, "we'll all be fat and happy in no time flat."

"Wash don't look nothin' like Michael," Kaylee half-whispered to Mal. "Poor li'l thing don't even remember her daddy," she sighed.

"Hm," Mal said thoughtfully. "They say it's a wise child as kens his own pa."

"Up, dada," Hannah pleaded, and Wash obliged with amusement.

Kate sighed. "Baby girl, that's not -"

"It's okay, really," Wash insisted. "She's not a bother. Probably just scared, being so far from home, and if calling me Daddy makes her feel better, I'm all for it."

"Not a bother," Kate grimaced. "Clearly you weren't on the shuttle from Elspeth."

"Wash," Mal interrupted. "Kate's things need seein' to, and since Jayne's off doin' some grocery shoppin' an' Simon's restockin' the infirmary, it's down to you an' me. Katie, why don't I show you an' li'l Hannah to your rooms?" He gestured to Wash to grab the other end of a large trunk, and just as they picked it up, a certain blonde toddler plunked herself down on it for a ride.

"She's a lovely child," Inara smiled, watching them. "And her mother is very attractive. Kaylee's home planet must be known for their exceptional beauty," she told River.

"Do you think Jayne would be a good father?" River asked, out of the blue.

Inara's jaw dropped. "What?"

-------

"Don't go," River whispered. "It's too fast, and you won't see it until it's too late."

"Don't know what yer talkin' 'bout," Jayne said, strapping a large, nasty-looking knife to his leg. "Ain't a man out there better in a fight than me, an' with Zoe gone somebody's gotta watch Mal's back."

"Please," she begged, dropping to her knees. "She'll go instead. She'll do anything to keep her Jayne!"

"'Cept tell a single soul alive 'bout us," Jayne sighed. She could see the pain in his eyes.

"If you go, you won't come back whole," River warned. "You might not come back at all, and she can't live without him!"

"Cut the dramatics, River, I'm goin' an' that's final."

-------

"All I'm sayin' is it ain't fair, Mal." Jayne insisted. "You ain't once let me get cereal with marshmallows in."

"I can't believe we're having this conversation," Mal groaned. "She's two. Are you jealous of a two-year-old, Jayne"

"Depends," Jayne smirked. "She still breastfed? Her mama's easy on the eyes."

Mal turned his head to glare at him. "Here's a thought; how 'bout we have this conversation another time, say, when we ain't crawlin' through three inches of raw sewage?"

"You ain't no fun," Jayne muttered. "'s it just me, or does rich people's shit stink worse than normal folk's?"

"Couldn't say," Mal gritted his teeth. "Tryin' not to smell it my own self, which is gettin' harder an' harder with you talkin' 'bout it." Mal stopped at a ladder leading up out of the sludge. "This is it. This'll put us right into Philips' basement."

"Why's he got a ladder goin' into his house from the sewer?" Jayne asked.

"If you're tryin' to prepare me for the terrible twos, you can quit it," Mal grunted, lifting the manhole cover over his head and pushing it aside. "Reckon the point isn't to get in from the sewers, it's to get into the sewer system from the house, for repairs an' the like."

"Oh," Jayne said. "Makes sense."

"You gonna shut up now, or do I gotta duct tape yer mouth closed?" Mal asked. "Philips has some fancy dinner party or somethin' goin' on right now, an' we gotta make it through a house fulla rich people smellin' like _go se_."

"Such language, captain," Inara smiled down at him.

"'Nara," Mal said, surprised. "You gonna fink on us?"

"No," she beamed. "I'm going to help you."

The Mandarin:  
_mei-mei_ - sister  
_xiaochi_ - snack  
_ping_ - bottle  
_go se_ - shit


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

Inara tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for Mal and Jayne to shed their sewage-covered bio suits. "I'm guessing Dusty's man on the inside failed to mention the heavy security around the Star," she smirked.

"Reckon you're right on that," Mal agreed. "What are we up against?"

"Keycard locks, a very burly security guard, and a tri-combination safe," Inara informed him. "But since I have this," she smiled pulling a keycard from her cleavage, "your first hurdle will be pie."

"Security guard oughta be just as easy," Jayne put in. "Don't care how big he is, Mindy'll take him down the same as she would anyone else." He patted the gun concealed under his arm.

"So we're left with the combination locks," Mal frowned. "Jayne an' me ain't neither one of us got a head for numbers. We're humped."

"Not so," Inara said, smiling wider. "I had Wash hack into the power grid. On my signal, he's going to cause a surge, which will short out the locks and cause an outage. While Philips and his guests are distracted, you two make a clean getaway. Well, not very clean," she said, wrinkling her nose.

"Ain't Philips gonna notice yer gone?" Jayne asked.

"He thinks I'm in the powder room, though I imagine he'll be concerned for my welfare fairly soon. I'll head back now. You've got fifteen minutes to get to the safe before I buzz Wash, and then probably five to ten minutes before power is restored. And Mal?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful."

-------

"You were rather a long time in the ladies'," Philips commented between dances. "I was beginning to fear you'd fallen in."

How charming. "I'm afraid I'm not feeling terribly well," Inara lied, placing a hand on her stomach and willing herself to look pale, or at least green around the gills. "I may have to excuse myself and return to my shuttle. Alone," she added. "Your credits will of course be refunded in full, with my sincerest apologies."

"Certainly not," he said, looking quite disappointed. "I wouldn't hear of it. Perhaps another time?" he asked, hopefully.

"Of course," she fibbed, glancing at the grandfather clock behind him. She pressed the button cleverly concealed on the back of her ruby pendant, and the ballroom lights brightened, nearly blinding her, before darkness fell over the party-goers. Hurry, she thought. Please, god, let them be safe.

The ballroom was abuzz with the din of Philips' confused and frightened guests. "Inara, dear," Philips asked from somewhere off to his left. "Are you quite all right?"

"Certainly," she replied.

"Stay right where you are; I must see to the power failure. I'll return presently."

-------

"Cao ni zu zong shi ba dai!" Jayne cursed, collapsing against the wall, holding his stomach to staunch the bleeding. The guard didn't reply, as Mal had put a neat little hole right between his eyes.

"Let's get this thing, and go," Mal said, opening the safe, and tucking the nearly-95 carat diamond into his pocket. "Can you walk?"

"I can gorram try," Jayne groaned, "but I ain't makin' no promises." His legs crumpled under his weight almost instantly, and he was out cold.

"Jayne!" Mal hissed, shaking him."Je shr shuh muh lan dong shi?" he spat, turning Jayne and grabbing his ankles. "This is gonna leave a trail leadin' right to us. And you weigh a gorram ton!" The comm unit in his pocket crackled to life.

"Mal," Wash said. "There's a service elevator three doors down on the left that should get you safely to the laundry room."

"Elevator ain't gonna work with no power," Mal said, blinking as the lights flickered and then stayed on. "Oh."

"You gotta hurry," Wash told him.

Mal grimaced. "Jayne's hit, I can't barely haul him."

"Ta ma de," Wash swore. "I'll meet you outside the back exit with shuttle two, but you really have to move."

"Bring the doc," Mal advised. "It don't look good."

-------

"Somethin' go wrong?" Kaylee asked, watching Simon throw supplies into his bag.

"Jayne's been gut-shot," Simon said tersely. "I don't even know if I'll get to him in time."

"She begged him not to go!" River wailed. "Begged, pleaded, down on her knees, but he was still so angry!"

"Mei-mei, what's goin' on, sweetie?" Kaylee asked her, gently. She did her best to mask her own fear.

"Please," River begged Simon. "Please, you have to fix it! You have to put the pieces together, or the whole will be lost, and the girl will lose herself!"

"I will," he promised. "I'm not sure why you're so concerned, but I'll do everything I can for him." He took off for shuttle two at a run.

"River," Kaylee said softly. "There somethin' you wanna tell me?"

"He's the only one who understands her," River cried. "She's lost without him to put her back together, and she - I - I can feel him fading, and I can't stop it, can't fix him, can't save him!" She fell to her knees, and Kaylee knelt before her and took the younger woman into her arms.

"It'll be okay, sweetie," she soothed. "Simon's gonna make it better."

-------

"Can't this thing go any faster?" Simon asked impatiently.

"Yes," Wash said sarcastically. "Unless you want to survive the trip."

"Fine, sorry," Simon muttered. "It's just that a stomach wound -"

"I know," Wash interrupted, willing the younger man to just shut up already and let him drive in peace. "Remember how you walked me through patching up your gut wound? I get the cruciality." He looked over and laughed out loud when he realized Simon was pouting. "What's your problem?"

"River," Simon answered. "I don't know what's gotten into her."

Wash resisted the base urge to make a crude comment. "Oh? Why?"

"She was begging me to save Jayne. She was in tears! She didn't cry when I got shot."

"No, she just went ape and killed two hundred plus Reavers."

"Since when does she care so much about a man who tried to turn us in to the feds?" Simon crossed his arms. "I've half a mind to let him die, only I promised River I'd do everything I could for him."

"And then there's that pesky Hippocratic Oath," Wash reminded him. "Okay, we're there. You wait here, I'll help Mal get him out and load him up."

"I'll set up for triage."

"Yeah. What you said."

Wash found Mal and Jayne fairly easily; their bloodstained clothes stood out among the starched white linen scheme of the laundry room. Mal had Jayne by the ankles. "Grab the other end," he grunted to Wash, who slid his hands under Jayne's arms.

"Christ, he weighs a ton!"

"Preachin' to the converted, Wash," Mal snorted. "Let's get this show on the road."

"The bullet went straight through," Simon told him. "But his blood pressure's dropping and his pulse is going crazy. He's going into hypovolemic shock."

"Captain dummy talk, doc," Mal reminded him.

"He's lost too much blood. He needs an immediate transfusion."

Mal nodded, already rolling up a sleeve.

"No," Simon said, stopping him. "It has to be me. We're both B negative. You're O positive"

The Mandarin:  
_Cao ni zu zong shi ba dai!_ - F the 18 generations of your ancestors!  
_Je shr shuh muh lan dong shi_? - What kind of rotten thing is this?  
_Mei-mei_ - sister


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"Wan' _wawa_!" Hannah screamed, for what felt to her mother like the thousandth time. "_Wawa! Wawa! Wawa!_"

"Mommy's looking," Kate nearly snapped, tearing through her luggage and looking very frazzled. "Aha! Got it!" she crowed triumphantly, pulling a crumpled-looking ballerina doll from one of the trunks. Her tutu was crushed to the point of being unrecognizable as such, and her hair was tangled, but at least she might convince the little girl to finally taker her gorram nap.

"Wawa," the two-year-old cooed, clutching the doll to her chest. "Love," she sang in that adorable way small children do when happy. "Love _wawa_, love mama, love dada."

"And welcome back, Baby Jekyll," Kate muttered, trying to set the trunks of clothing and various keepsakes to rights. "At least I rank above the complete stranger you've adopted, since I'm obviously a distant second to that rutting doll."

"Wan' dada," Hannah commented, conversationally. "Where dada?"

"Rescuing your gorram rutting new uncles, I'd reckon." Kate replied. "Daddy's flying, baby girl. He'll be back soon. Meanwhile, it's nap time."

"No wan' nap," Hannah pouted. "Wan' dada."

"_Aiya, ni ta ma de_," Kate swore. "Not again."

-------

"I appreciate your generosity, Duncan," Inara smiled, "but I can't accept your money when the agreed-upon services were not provided. My conscience won't allow it." That and the fact that I just helped Mal steal your enormous diamond, she thought.

"Damn your conscience, woman," Philips grumbled. "If you won't accept payment, will you accept a gift?"

"Duncan, I -" Inara's eyes widened at the sight of an emerald the size of her big toe. "I can't accept that, it's too -"

"Nonsense," Duncan cut her off. "You've always done well by me. I noticed your ring, Ms. Serra," Philips said honestly. "I knew from the moment I set eyes on you that this evening wouldn't end as others have in the past. Call it a wedding gift, and give my best to your young man."

Inara blinked in disbelief. "That's it?"

"That's it." Philips smiled warmly and Inara felt ten times more guilty.

"Thank you," she said politely. "It means a lot to me." Like a new compression coil for Kaylee, finally. "I guess I'll just be going then. Take care, Duncan." I'll wager there's a special hell for people who rip off innocent old men, she thought to herself.

-------

"Mal?" Jayne asked weakly, startling both the captain and the doctor, who was stitching up Jayne's abdomen with his right hand, a needle protruding from the inside of his left arm.

"Jayne," Simon said. "Don't speak. You're going to need all the energy you can muster to get well."

"Doc," Jayne grunted, obviously in extreme pain. "Tell her? Tell her I love her? You gotta - gorram it - you gotta promise me!"

"Tell herself when you're better," Simon said distractedly. "Tell who?"

"River." Jayne winced as the needle punctured the skin around his wound. "Swear to me, if I don't make it, you'll tell her I love her." He inhaled sharply. "I ain't never said it yet, and she deserves to know. Ain't right that my last words to her was in anger."

Simon's expression was a mix of surprise, confusion and disgust. "You're in love with my baby sister?" It slowly turned to rage. "What the hell do you think you're doing? She's half your age!"

"That don't matter none out in the black," Mal said softly, putting a hand on Simon's arm to calm him. "We'll tell her, Jayne."

"Thanks," Jayne managed before slipping back into unconsciousness.

"He -" Simon stuttered. "I - you. Did you know about this?" he demanded.

"No, sir," Mal smirked. "But I reckon it is kinda cute, in a completely creepifyin' way. Jayne does love his weapons."

-------

"He's stable," Simon told his sister, trying not to think about the real reason he found her naked in the kitchen with Jayne in hot pursuit. "He's not out of the woods, yet, but if he makes it through the night I'm confident he'll make a full recovery."

"Thank you!" River squealed excitedly. "You fixed my broken Jayne, took the pieces and put him back together so he can maker her whole! Can she - I. Can I see him?"

Simon sighed, gesturing toward the infirmary door. "This doesn't mean I approve," he told her, "But if he makes you happy, then I'm happy for you. And, there isn't a man alive who I would trust more to keep you safe. But if he hurts you, make no doubt about it, I will emasculate him with a soup spoon."

River twirled happily as she entered the infirmary.

"That weren't so hard, was it?" Kaylee smiled, wrapping her arms around her husband.

"Yes," he sighed. "It was. But I'm not her father, and I can't keep playing that role forever. Not when I have a child on the way who's going to need me even more."

-------

"You're covered in blood," Kate said, instantly concerned.

"It isn't mine," Wash sighed. "Jayne got shot, Mal and I had to lug him to the shuttle, and from there to the infirmary."

"Is he all right?"

Wash shrugged. "He's stable, for now, but the doc says it could go either way. How's my favorite girl?" He scooped Hannah up into his arms and twirled her around in a circle.

"Poor River," Kate frowned. "She must be beside herself. Death is a violent, bloody business," she added grimly, "and no one her age should have to lose the one she loves."

Wash looked at her. "You can't be much older than -"

"Voice of experience," she interrupted. "Michael was delivering medical supplies - some expensive, hard to lay hands on drug, to Persephone, when halfway there his boat was hit by Reavers. A violent, inhumane way to go, don't you think?"

Wash nodded. "Zoe took a harpoon for me." He folded the now-crying young woman into a one-armed hug, her little girl on his hip. "You and me, we're survivors. There's gotta be some reason for that."

-------

"You're covered in blood," Inara said, immediately concerned.

"Not mine," Mal frowned. "Jayne's."

"No," Inara said, shaking her head. "You were hit. Right here," she pointed out.

"Huh," Mal replied intelligently, looking down at his shoulder. "Whaddaya know. No wonder the _hundan_ was so heavy," he said before passing out cold. In a very manly fashion.

-------

"Am I dead?" Jayne asked, opening his eyes.

"Nope," River smiled. "Simon promised he'd put you back together. You're part Tam now, you know."

"Huh?" Jayne looked confused and tried to sit up. Big mistake. "_Gan ni niang_," he hissed.

River wrinkled her nose, but he wasn't sure whether it was disgust or amusement. "You have a rare blood type. It's quite a coincidence that Simon does, too."

"An' you don't?"

River shook her head. "He gave of his own blood that you might live, and now you are part of us, whether you like it or not. That means you can't be mad at me anymore." She grinned.

"I ain't mad," Jayne replied. "But I just might be in trouble. I don't remember much after Mal killed that bastard what shot me, but I'm pretty sure I mighta let it slip to the doc 'bout you an' me. But I'm still alive, an' I ain't in the airlock, so I could be wrong, I s'pose. Reckon he'd'a kilt me 'fore you got a chance to."

"No," River smiled. "He's too scared of me to do that. However, I should warn you that if you break my heart you should keep one eye on Simon and the other on your genitals."

The Mandarin:  
_wawa - _doll  
_Aiya, ni ta ma de_ - Oh, motherhumper  
_hundan_ - bastard  
_Gan ni niang _- Bastard (couldn't use the same one twice, could I?)


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"I don't know how I could have missed this," Simon said, pulling the bullet from Mal's shoulder with a pair of forceps. "How the hell did you carry him with a gunshot wound to the shoulder?"

"Was hopin' you could tell me that. Man weighs more than a ox," Mal grunted. "You tell a soul I passed out, I'm dockin' your pay."

Simon smiled faintly. "Adrenaline is the only explanation I can come up with. The human body is capable of amazing things when faced with imminent danger. There are hundreds of documented cases of people lifting automobiles to rescue themselves, or people trapped beneath them."

"Automobiles?" Mal raised an eyebrow.

"Yes," Simon smirked. "You know, what people used for short-range transportation before there was a hovercraft in every driveway?"

"I never did pay attention in History," Mal smiled, although he might have been gritting his teeth against the pain of the disinfectant Simon was treating the wound with. "You gonna be okay?"

"You're the one on the table," Simon pointed out.

"You know what I mean. Ain't gonna be no trouble 'tween you an' Jayne?"

"Not as long as he treats River right." Simon finished bandaging Mal's shoulder.

Mal laughed. "Just you remember, like anyone else, they're gonna fight. Hell, maybe more than other folks, since ain't neither one of 'em quite right."

Simon snorted. "River says he makes her whole."

"Reckon that's the truth, then. I ain't never known the girl to lie." Mal stood. "_Ta ma de_. I almost forgot," he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the huge diamond, grinning. "We got us some money to be made."

-------

"Are ya in _luuuuuuurve_?" Kaylee teased.

"No," her cousin said, too quickly. "He's a nice guy, and Hannah likes him, but I've known him what? Less than 24 hours. We just... connect. We both lost the people we loved." She continued peeling the carrots she was working on.

"I can vouch for his character, if that helps," Simon put in.

"Helps what? We're just... we're nothing, but I hope we can get to be friends. Being alone is easier when you've got someone to be alone with," Kate smiled. "He is cute, though, isn't he?" She and Kaylee dissolved into giggles.

"Oh, Katie," Kaylee grinned. "I didn't realize how much I missed ya till I got ya back."

"You should hear all the stories I have about Kaylee," Kate told Simon, throwing the sliced carrots into a pot and covering them with water. "You'll never believe all the trouble we used to get into. And her a doctor's wife now!"

"Well, an outlaw doctor, formerly wanted by the Alliance," Simon grinned. "Kaylee tells me Michael was involved in medicine, as well?"

Kate nodded. "He ran drugs between Ariel and the border planets. Legal, though," she clarified. "Didn't see each other very often, but once Hannah decided she was gonna show up, he had to find some kinda steady work, and there just isn't anything to be had once you get out of the Core." She looked at Simon for a moment before handing him a veggie peeler and a sack of potatoes. "Here, mister surgeon, operate on these. I need them peeled and cut up."

Kaylee laughed at her husband's baffled expression. "It ain't gonna bite, Simon."

"You don't know that," Simon told her. "I could lose a finger, and we'd all be in for it, then."

"Don't laugh, Kaylee," Kate told her. "I got a bowl full of peas need shelling." She handed her the large bowl and a smaller one for the peas.

"Two veggies," Kaylee marvelled. "Lucky thing Jayne ain't eatin' with us tonight. He claims he's 'lergic to veggies."

"So where's Hannah," Simon asked, "bothering her new father on the bridge?"

"No," Kate laughed. "In the cargo hold, learning how to dance. River's teaching her ballet. Hey, I've got a question."

"Yeah?" Kaylee answered.

"Who eats this _go se_?" She held aloft a box of rainbow-colored cereal, claiming to contain chocolatey marshmallows.

-------

"Good ol' fashioned fried chicken like Mama used to make," Mal enthused. "Mashed potatoes so fluffy you'd think they was butter-flavored clouds. And biscuits! Honest to goodness made-with-wheat-flour biscuits."

"Ain't fair," Jayne glared. "First time in a long time we got real food on the ship an' I ain't allowed to eat it."

"Ain't all bad," Mal smirked. "There was peas an' carrots, too. An' Katie says she ain't gonna let li'l Hannah touch that cereal you done bought, so it's all yours."

"Yeah, the cereal's a real good trade for the gorram fried chicken." Jayne frowned. "Kaylee's cousin's a good cook?"

"Better'n I've seen in a good while," Mal confirmed. "I'll see what I can do 'bout gettin' her to make you a "get well" cake or somethin'."

"Shiny," Jayne grinned. "Chocolate's my favorite, but I ain't picky."

"Understatement of the year," Mal muttered with amusement. "Eat the gorram tablecloth if it got gravy on it."

-------

"I'm your muscle?" Wash said, pausing in his laughter to wipe tears from his eyes. "Mal, that's... I don't even know what that is. Oh, brother. Never thought I'd see the day I was your most intimidating crew member."

"Jayne can't come on the drop with me," Mal repeated. "You an' me know River's deadlier than any one of us, but she ain't gonna put the fear o' God into no one, to look at her. I'd never tell the boy this, 'cause it'd break his heart, but Simon can't shoot straight to save his life or anyone else's. That leaves Kaylee, Kate, Hannah, an' you. Now who'd you pick?"

"Fair enough," Wash smirked. "But how do you intend to make me look scary?"

"Big enough gun, won't no one notice you ain't seven feet o' solid muscle."

"No," Hannah said, matter-of-factly. "No seep."

"I'm not going to argue," Kate said, defeated. "You can stay up as late as you want, but I'm going to bed."

"Dada!" Hannah insisted. "Dada no seep. Wan' dada."

"Right," Kate sighed. "If I get Daddy, will you go to sleep?"

Hannah nodded innocently.

"Excellent." Kate closed the door behind her and nearly ran into Wash in the corridor. "Just the man," she said, relieved. "Hannah's refusing to go to sleep until she sees you."

"Well, yeah," Wash grinned. "I promised her a bedtime story."

"Perfect. She's in her jammies already. Have at it." Kate threw her arms around him in a quick hug and kissed his cheek. "You're the saviour of my sanity. I owe you. I'm exhausted. I'm going to go pass out now."

"Hey, kiddo," Wash smiled as he entered the little girl's bedroom. "Are you giving your mom a hard time?"

"Dada tell story?"

"Promised I would," he told her. "I know I'm not your real Daddy, but I will never, ever break a promise I make to you, _dong ma_?"

Hannah nodded, and he had no doubt she understood exactly what he'd said. "Love dada."

"Love you too, sweetheart." He tucked her in and sat down on the edge of her bed. "Once upon a time, there was a beautiful little princess named Hannah..."

In her own room, Kate snuggled under the covers, listening to Wash's calming voice. She was asleep long before The End.

-------

Mal glanced around the kitchen. "Where's my pilot?"

Hannah looked up from her bowl of cereal. "Dada flyin'."

"Okay. It's breakfast time, so where's your mother?"

"Seepin'. Ssh."

"There ya go, Mal," Jayne grinned, holding his stomach. "Can't argue with that."

Mal frowned, and sat down at the table, pouring himself a bowl of the techicolor cereal. Hannah slid down off her chair and made her way to the captain. She clambered up into his lap and placed her hands on either side of his face. "Love unca Mal," she said, placing a sticky kiss on his nose.

Mal looked at Inara, who was smiling like the cat that got the canary. "You're a little heartbreaker, aren't ya?" he asked Hannah. "No wonder my pilot can't tell his ass from his elbow anymore."

"Ass!" Hannah chirped. Jayne laughed so loud he startled her and doubled over in pain, and she began to sing. "Ass ass ass, ass! Ass ass. Ass!"

Trying very hard not to laugh, Kaylee said, "Okay, sweetie. That's enough. Polite li'l girls don't repeat things Uncle Mal an' Uncle Jayne say, _dong ma_?"

Hannah looked up at her innocently. "No p'lite. Ass!"

River and Simon were no longer able to contain their laughter, despite a somewhat pleading look from Kaylee whose own composure was crumbling. Hannah slid down from Mal's lap. "Dada!" She said excitedly. "Ass!"

"Excellent job, Mal," Wash said, his eyes twinkling with mirth. "She's been on the ship a day and you've taught her to swear."

"G'ram ass," Hannah added with enthusiasm.

-------

"Well, that explains it," Inara muttered angrily.

"What explains what?" Mal asked, preparing to be yelled at for something or other.

"Philips," she grumbled. "He gave us a wedding present, you know."

"Did he?" Mal said, trying not to smile. "That a yes, darlin'?"

She glared at him. "He gave me this gigantic emerald -"

"For not sleepin' with him," Mal clarified.

"Would you shut up?" Inara snapped. "Yes, for not sleeping with him. But anyway, he said there were no hard feelings, but he reported me to the Guild!"

"Which means..." Mal prompted.

"Which means I just flushed my pension down the waste disposal."

Mal grinned.

"What? Why are you so happy?"

"You chose me."

"We're poor," she pouted.

"Ain't poor so long as we got love," he replied. "Christ, where the hell did that come from? Woman, you are turnin' me into a sap. You an' that li'l munchkin o' Kate's."

"What do you think?" Inara asked, holding the emerald up. "Can you sell it?"

"'Course I can sell it," he told her. "I could sell water to a drownin' man. You seen how slick I am when it comes to business."

"At least wait until Jayne's better before you try," Inara smirked. "You're right; I've seen you do business, and it usually ends up with someone getting shot."


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"It's noon," Kate said.

"Yep," Mal replied.

"Why didn't someone wake me?"

"We been fendin' for ourselves in the kitchen for years, one more mornin' ain't gonna make that much difference. An' I reckon you needed the sleep." Mal half-smiled. "Just remember, no matter what Hannah says, I ain't responsible for any additions to her vocabulary."

"Did you teach that sweet, innocent little girl naughty words?" Kate grinned.

"Not me," Mal said defensively.

"Eh, she's heard 'em all before anyway. Where is my little hell-beast?" Kate asked, chuckling.

"Helpin' her Daddy fly the boat," Mal grinned. "You gotta go have a gander. Kaylee took some caps, but this is somethin' you gotta see for yourself."

Hannah was sitting on Wash's chair, looking very serious. She was steering erratically, but the ship wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. Wash was standing beside her, beaming down at her like a fool.

"Whatcha doin', baby girl?" Kate asked, after watching her for a while.

"Hannah fly!" she squealed.

Wash grinned at Kate. "A-U-T-O-P-I-L-O-T," he spelled. "Could she possibly be any cuter?"

"When she wants something," Kate laughed. "You're a natural at this."

"At what?"

"The whole Daddy thing. I mean, your bedtime story knocked me out cold."

"Zoe wanted kids," he told her. "I guess I did, too, but I knew it wouldn't work out. Zoe would have either lost the baby, or been killed herself, because it wasn't in her nature to stand by while Mal went on jobs. Being pregnant out to there would have slowed her down. I didn't want to risk losing her, for all it's worth now."

"I didn't want kids," Kate smiled. "Michael either. I was gonna be a chef in a big, fancy Core restaurant, and he was gonna teach. Hannah had other ideas, and once I knew she was there, wasn't a thing in the 'verse could've made me give her up." She paused. "There's an old, old song, back from Earth-that-was, that says 'Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.'" The more I think about it, the more I realize that's the way of the 'verse. Wash?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't let Mal get you shot, okay? Hannah can't - I can't handle her losing another daddy."

-------

"Cap'n?"

"Kaylee?"

"'Member how I was sayin' I don't ask for much?" She put on her best puppydog eyes.

Mal sighed. "What do you want now?"

"Christmas!" Kaylee said, smiling that big bright smile that melted his heart every time, no matter what. "We gotta start a tradition; we got a li'l baby on the ship, an' we gotta make Christmas special for her, don'tcha think? I mean, she's the first, but it ain't for certain she'll be the only..."

Mal looked at her closely. "Kaywinnit Lee Tam. Are you suggestin' what I think you're suggestin'?"

"Christmas?" She said meekly.

"You are, aren'tcha?" Mal grinned. "'Nara said you was lookin' all glowy."

"We ain't told no one yet," Kaylee smiled shyly. "'Cept Kate. And I reckon River's got it sussed, so Jayne prob'ly knows too..."

"So what you're sayin' is everyone on this boat knows what's goin' on before the Captain?" he teased. "I'm happy for you, _mei-mei_. You're gonna make a fine momma." He gave her a big hug and kissed the top of her head.

"Cap'n?"

"Kaylee?"

"Who are ya, an' what've ya done with our real Cap'n?" she giggled.

-------

"You're healing well," Simon told Jayne, changing the dressing on his stomach.

"Yer bein' real big 'bout this, doc," Jayne said.

Simon gave him a puzzled look.

"I know I ain't the kinda man you'd'a chose fer River," Jayne continued. "She's yer baby sister an' all, an' you want the best for 'er. I know I ain't the best. I ain't even close. But I'll treat her good, an' always do right by her, I swear it. I love her like I never thought I'd love no one," he confided, his ears turning slightly pink with embarrassment.

Simon was quiet for a moment. "If you so much as wrong her once -"

"I know about the spoon," Jayne snorted. "Yer real inventive, I'll give ya that. An', I know ya mean it. If it happens, I'll know I done deserved it."

-------

"Look at you!" Kate squealed. "You're a real ballerina! What do you say to Auntie River?"

"Tank you," Hannah grinned. "More dancin'?"

"She's very good," River told Kate.

Inara smiled. "Considering she's two years old, she's excellent. Not a prodigy, by any means, but what she lacks in natural ability she makes up for with enthusiasm."

"We can't all be prodigies like River here," Kaylee grinned. "Out here in the black, enthusiasm's all that counts."

"Go show dada," Hannah said, tugging on her mother's hand.

"Definitely," Kate agreed. "But he and Uncle Mal aren't back yet, so you'll have to wait a bit, sweetie. Why don't you go practice some more?"

"Dance!" Hannah sang. "Dance Auntie River, dance Auntie 'Nara! Mama, Auntie Kaylee, dance! Dance, dance, dance!"

Kate and Inara exchanged a look. "How about you dance with Auntie River and Auntie Kaylee, sweetie," Inara suggested. "Your mommy and I have something we need to go do."

-------

"Why do I trust you?" Wash demanded. "Always, me with the trusting, and you with the making me wonder why? Why do I always trust you?"

"You can't think I knew this would end like this," Mal laughed, humorless. "You were the one with the big, scary gun."

"This isn't the first job that landed me tied back to back with you," Wash pointed out. "Either you have a very weird fetish that I want to know absolutely nothing about, or you've got the absolute worst judgement a person could possibly have and not be dead yet."

"They'll come for us," Mal told him.

"Who?" Wash snorted. "Zoe's gone, Jayne's laid up. There isn't any cavalry waiting to ride over the hills, Mal."

Mal was quiet, and Wash immediately regretted saying it.

"See what I mean?" Inara asked, brandishing a very nasty looking crossbow.

"Absolutely no faith," Kate agreed. "At least you kept your word," she said to Wash. "No holes in you I can see. Foolish of me not to mention all the other bad things that could have happened."

"Kate," Mal said, surprised. "That's a gun."

"Is it?" she gasped, her eyes wide. "Oh my!"

"That must be why all those men back there ended up full of bolts and bullets," Inara teased, an innocent look on her face. "It all makes sense now!" She began to work on the knots binding their captain to their pilot.

"Here, let me," Kate offered. "I have a toddler; undoing knots in things that shouldn't be knotted is a specialty."

"Did we at least get paid?" Inara asked, knowing the answer. She hoped Mal couldn't see the twinkle in her eye. Not yet.

"We did," Mal replied, "but we didn't get to keep it."

"Hey, 'Nara," Kate grinned. "Wonder what's in that really heavy, not at all suspicious looking duffel we took off the boss?"

"I don't wonder," Inara told her. "I know. It's our 40 plus the 15 that we relieved that crew of. And the Star of the East."

"We underestimated them," Wash laughed, rubbing his wrists where the rope had started to chafe.

"We?" Mal cocked an eyebrow.

Wash grinned. "Well, you."

Mal tried to look innocent. "I ain't the one said they weren't comin'."

"No man left behind," Inara told him. "Isn't that the way of it?" He nodded, a look of pure admiration on his face.

"I get why you're here," he said to her, "but why Kate?"

"When you have a child," Kate explained, "you'll realize they are your world, and you will do whatever it takes to make sure nothing shatters their world. Hannah'd be royally pissed if I came back without her Daddy and her Uncle Mal," She grinned."I'm a fair deadly shot, but I only take up arms when absolutely necessary, Captain, so kindly keep me out of whatever plans your brain is workin' on now."

-------

"Daddy and Uncle Mal brought home Christmas," River told the cherubic little girl, who was twirling around the kitchen in a pink leotard and tutu.

"San' Claws?" Hannah asked solemnly. "Where San' Claws?"

River considered for a moment the idea of dispelling the myths surrounding St. Nicholas, but she remembered the magic Christmas had held for her when she was that size, and changed her mind. "He has to stay hidden until Christmas eve," she told her. "Then while we're all in our beds, sleeping, like good aunties and uncles and mommies and daddies and little girls, Santa Claus will sneak in through the airlock and leave presents under the tree. Assuming we can find a suitable _Pseudotsuga menziesii_ for the occasion."

"We got so much to do to get ready," Kaylee said dreamily. "We gotta decorate, an' get presents for everyone. Oh! And cookies! Wouldn't be Christmas without cookies and milk for Santa."

"Wan' cookie," Hannah told her. "Please?"

"Ain't it excitin'?" Kaylee grinned at her cousin. "You can have a cookie soon as we make 'em."

"Cookie?" Hannah asked her mother, who dug around in the cupboards and found a box of protein crackers.

"Close enough," she shrugged, handing a few to the toddler. "You know, I was dreading Christmas this year," Kate answered Kaylee. "But I think it's going to be a happy one. Last Christmas I was a new widow, all alone in the world except for Hannah and my _hundan_ brother, and this year I've got more family than I can handle."

"Who do ya think we can get to dress up as S-A-N-T-A?" Kaylee wondered aloud. "Gotta be Simon or Wash. Mal's too much of a grinch, and Jayne... well, Jayne's scary, an' Santa ain't s'posed to make babies cry."

"That's a role that seems right up Wash's alley," Inara commented. "He is very jolly."

-------

"Don't you go puttin' that crap on me," Jayne grumbled. "I ain't a girl."

"Love unca Jayne," Hannah told him, smearing his face with a tube of lipstick Inara had passed down to her. "Jayne pretty."

"I ain't pretty," he muttered. "Only reason I ain't gettin' gone is 'cause I got a gut wound makes it difficult to get around, an' yer momma promised me cake if I watch ya a while."

"Where San-ta?" Hannah asked.

"Reckon if I tell ya that, yer ma and yer aunts'll have my head," he answered. "He ain't here, yet. He only comes around at Christmas time, an' only for good li'l girls an' boys. The kind that don't put make-up on their big, scary uncles."

Her chin began to wobble dangerously. Jayne was a big man, and could handle just about anything, but when it came to women crying, he was helpless as a puppy.

"All right," he sighed. "Have at it."

"Hannah love," she said happily, drawing on his face with the lipstick. "So pretty."

"I dunno how you females do that," he commented. "Go from tears one minute to giggles the next. Startin' to think ain't a one of ya right in the head."

The Mandarin:  
_hundan_ - bastard

The Latin:  
_Pseudotsuga menziesii - _Douglas fir


	9. Chapter 9

**DISCLAIMER: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"I have never seen anything so precious in my life," Inara smiled, touching Kate's arm gently.

"Should we wake them?" River asked, peering into the common area.

"Lemme take some caps," Kaylee said. "Then we can wake 'em."

"Does Jayne frequently wear make-up?" Kate asked, trying to suppress the giggle bubbling up inside her at the sight of the big mercenary, his face smeared with crimson lipstick, curled protectively around her sleeping daughter. Hannah's face was also covered with the stuff. "It suits him."

"What are we looking at?" Wash asked, approaching the cluster of women.

"See for yourself," Kaylee grinned. "I'm gonna go get the capturer."

"Huh." Wash said. "I always pictured Jayne as more of a winter."

"Traffic jam?" Mal asked.

"Ssh!" Inara and Kate ordered.

"Look," River instructed.

"I'll be," Mal chuckled. "That li'l girl o' yours is quite the charmer, Kate."

"She is at that," Wash agreed. "Though I didn't think anyone but River could charm the big guy."

Kaylee returned quickly with the capturer and took several caps. "Okay, River, wake 'em if you must."

"I don't know," Kate said. "They both could probably use the nap. Let's leave them be."

-------

"Kaylee, have you been in the -" Simon began.

"Common room?" she asked, grinning. "Yep."

"So I wasn't imagining -"

"Jayne, with make-up an' a sleepin' baby? Nope."

"Huh." Simon said lamely.

-------

"That's our hard-earned coin," Mal grumbled. "'Tween you givin' it away to the Haven widows, and Kaylee spendin' all my money doin' up Christmas, we're gonna wind up poorer'n we were before!"

"Those poor people lost their families!" Inara insisted.

"We lost some of our own, too, remember?" Mal snapped. "They ain't the only ones hurtin'."

"I know you miss Zoe," Inara continued. "We all do -"

"Then how 'bout you give some o' that coin to Wash?" Mal demanded. "If it's about payin' people off so we don't gotta feel guilty, gotta do it fair-like. If it's about charity, how 'bout turnin' some o' that charity in on the folk makin' Serenity home? River ain't got proper clothes that fit her, Simon ain't got nothin' decent to work in. Kaylee's gonna need pregnant-lady clothes soon, and there's baby things need buyin'. Kate couldn't even feed li'l Hannah 'fore we took 'em in."

Inara was silent a moment. "I just..."

"Wanted to buy absolution?" Mal finished. "It don't work that way. People like us, good folk, carry guilt ain't ours to carry. Weren't our faults, ain't our cross to bear, but there it is. The people who ain't feelin' guilty? Them's the ones as ought to."

Inara sighed. "We split it eight ways, then."

"Sounds fair," Mal agreed. "I won't ask what you're doin' with your share."

-------

"It just hit me," Wash said sadly, handing the crumpled red velvet jacket to Kate. "It's gonna be my first Christmas without Zoe."

"Ain't easy," Kate sympathized. "Kaylee? The medium's too tight; we need a large," she called.

"Are you calling me fat?" Wash teased.

"If you were fat," Kate told him, passing the suit over the changing room door to her cousin, "we wouldn't have to spend the extra coin for the stuffing."

Wash watched her with amusement. "Doesn't it bother you to be in a tiny changing room with a near-stranger in his underpants?"

"Long as I ain't the one in your underpants," she grinned, "ain't nothin' to be bothered by." She opened the door a crack. "Kaylee? _Ma shong_, we don't have all day."

"No large left," Kaylee frowned. "There's an XL tall."

"That won't work," Kate frowned. "Hmm."

"So I was thinking," Wash said. "What if Hannah's scared of Santa and wants her Dada? I was terrified of the fat old bastard when I was her size."

Kate peered at him. "Are you trying to get out of Santa duty?"

"No," he replied honestly. "If I was going to do that, it would have been before the five hours of carrying your shopping back and forth to the mule."

Kate eyed him with mock suspicion. "Okay. You're probably right, anyhow. Kaylee?"

"Yeah?"

"Get the XL tall. Jayne's gonna be our jolly old elf."

"Yay! River clapped, inspecting a Santa's Helper costume bound to land her on the Naughty list. "He'll make a very sexy Santa."

"She's just ruined Christmas for me," Kate whispered to Wash. "Put your clothes on. River, honey?" She wrinkled her nose. "Sexy and Santa go together... never. Absolutely never, River."

Kaylee giggled. "You didn't thi-"

"Not a word out of you, Mrs. Tam," Kate warned, "or I break out my collection of Naked Kaylee stories at dinner tonight."

Wash laughed, stepping into his pants. "Are there a lot?"

"Wouldn't be much of a threat if there weren't," she winked.

-------

Mal groaned when he saw the heavily-laden mule approach the ship. The girls were practically in eachother's laps because their shopping took up so much of the available space. "Just tell me this," he begged Wash. "Do I have any money left at all?"

Kaylee grinned. "'Course you do, Cap'n."

"Wasn't asking you," Mal muttered. "Wash? Can I fuel up before we leave this rock?"

"We didn't touch your money, Mal," Wash said, handing him the sack of coins. "The girls did this all with their cuts from the job."

"You bought all this without touchin' my coin?" Mal said, giving the mule an appraising look. "I'm payin' you girls too much."

"What price, freedom?" Kate smirked. "Next time I have you tied up in front of me, I'll be sure to renegotiate my wage before I cut you loose."

-------

"C'mon, Simon, we're blood brothers," Jayne wheedled. "I ain't been with River since I got hit; I gotta live vi-cariously through someone, an' the temper Mal's in I'm fair sure he ain't gettin' any."

Simon glared at him. "I refuse to share intimate details about my relationship with my wife, and I'd appreciate you giving my sister the same consideration," he frowned.

"Thought so," Jayne chuckled. "She ain't let ya touch her since ya knocked her up, huh?"

"No! I mean yes! I mean, we -" Simon paused. "I'm not discussing this with you."

Jayne pouted, but his eyes lit up when Wash walked into the infirmary. "How 'bout you? You gotta be sexin' up Kaylee's hot li'l cousin, right?"

Wash looked baffled. "Kate?" He frowned in thought. "Why? You think she likes me?"

"She did tell Kaylee she thought you were cute," Simon put in. "What do you need?"

"Hannah bumped her knee. She's in hysterics, so I told her I'd come get a bandage." Wash grinned. "She thinks I'm cute?"

"Her baby calls you Daddy," Jayne pointed out. "Most folk would assume you was already involved."

"Maybe they're not looking to become involved," Simon told him. "After all, they've both suffered a loss. Perhaps that's the reason for their connection. That, and the fact that her daughter has adopted him."

"Huh." Wash muttered, grabbing a small bandage. "I'll see you guys later, okay? I have to go test something."

"He just gets odder as the days go by," Jayne smirked. "Don't wonder, spendin' all that time with the womenfolk - ain't a single one of them got a sane bone in their body. 'Specially the little one."

-------

"There you go, Hannah. All better?"

"Dada kiss?"

Wash grinned and leaned over to kiss the little girl's bandaged knee. "Now?"

"All better," she chirped, sliding out of his chair and giving him a big hug.

"Next time Daddy's gonna make sure he ties your shoelaces better before you show him your new dance," he chuckled.

"You're so good with her," Kate marvelled. "Michael never knew what to do with her. He was scared to change her diaper, thought she'd break or something." Before she knew what was happening, Wash kissed her. When he pulled back, she looked very angry.

"What?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not Zoe," she hissed. "And I won't pretend to be." Before he could protest, she was gone.

The Mandarin:_  
ma shong_ - hurry; on the double; stat


	10. Chapter 10

**DISCLAIMER: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"So, possibly, it was a bad idea, kissing her the day after mentioning how much you miss Zoe," Simon sighed. "I'll never understand women, especially the Fryes."

"Ain't that hard to understand," Jayne said. "No woman wants to be a replacement for the one came before her."

Wash stared at Jayne. "That's the most intelligent thing I've ever heard you say. River's really a good influence on you."

"If only we could say the same for him," Simon grumbled. "River's been saying things in Mandarin that I would expect to hear out of the mouth of a sailor."

Jayne grinned. "That girl's got a foul mouth on her," he said affectionately. "An' you should see the elf costume she -"

"I saw it in the shop," Wash interrupted. "If she tries to wear that in front of Hannah..."

"What?" Jayne smirked. "You'll bore her to death? No wonder that sexy little mama ain't jumpin' into yer bed."

Wash and Simon glared at Jayne, their expressions nearly identical.

"Must all your reactions to people be so... base?" Simon asked, shaking his head. "There is more to a woman than her appearance, you realize. Kate is a kind woman, a great mother, an excellent cook -"

"Ain't denyin' that, doc. Still, reckon she'd be a hellcat in the sack, Wash. You lemme know you ever find out."

-------

"So?" Kaylee beamed. "That's great news!"

"Yesterday he was telling me how this was gonna be his first Christmas without his wife, Kaylee." Kate sighed.

"While he was almost naked, locked in a tiny li'l changin' room with ya." Kaylee grinned. "He was comfortable bein' that close to ya with nothin' on but his drawers. Sounds like a good sign to me."

"What if the reason he was comfortable was because he has no real feelings for me, no real attraction?" Kate frowned deeply. "He's been alone a while, Kaylee, and men have drives..."

"So do we," Kaylee pointed out. "Don'tcha wanna tear that ugly Hawaiian shirt off him and have wild monkey sex?"

Kate raised her eyebrow. "I don't think I've ever had wild monkey sex. But, okay, point taken."

"You ain't on the market to use him as a substitute for Michael, right?" Kaylee pointed out. "Maybe he kissed on ya because he wanted to kiss on ya."

"No one could be a substitute for Michael," Kate said softly.

"No one could be a substitute for Zoe, neither," Kaylee told her, giving her cousin a hug. "Can't replace someone you loved who's gone, but you can fill the hole in your heart if you wanna."

-------

"Women," Wash sighed, "are insane."

"This is news?" Mal asked.

"I never put myself out like that, never. I always wait. I'm a waiter."

Mal sighed, knowing he was going to regret asking. "What are we talkin' about?"

"Kate," Wash grumbled. "Women are insane."

Mal groaned. "What did you do? If you cost me my cook, so help me -"

"I kissed her."

"You - why'd you go an' do a dumb thing like that?"

"I thought she wanted me to. Jayne and Simon -"

"You're takin' romantical advice from them two? Simon's just lucky he was able to get his foot out of his gorram mouth long enough to ask li'l Kaylee to get hitched, an' as for Jayne, this is the first time in all the time I've known him he ain't had to pay for it," he reminded him. "'Neither o' those bozos has a mind for the ladies."

"And you do?" Wash snorted.

"Nope," Mal replied. "Women are insane."

"See?" Wash said, shaking his head. "This is why I let them do the difficult part for me. Relationships are just... awkward. And painful."

"That's why you're a waiter," Mal repeated. "Duly noted. Quit your whinin' an' go fly my boat, _dong ma_?"

-------

"You're just gonna have to talk to her," Kaylee shrugged. "But first ya gotta find her, an' I ain't helpin' ya."

Wash stared at Kaylee like she'd grown a second head. "She's hiding? What are we, three?" He threw his hands up in the air. "I'm not playing games."

"She ain't hidin'," Kaylee rolled her eyes. "Well, she might be, but she ain't playin; she don't wanna see you right now. She's hurt - an' real mad."

Wash had the decency to look sheepish. "I don't want her to be Zoe. I don't even know what I want!"

"Don't tell me," Kaylee shrugged.

"This ain't flyin'," Mal grumbled as he walked by. "Don't I pay you for workin'?"

"Do you?" Wash snarked. "And here I thought it was my charm and good looks. I'm not in the mood, Mal."

"Neither am I, Wash," Mal growled. "You. Bridge. Now. Get us the gorram hell away from this rock. We got a meet to make at the Eavesdown docks in five days. Whatever personal issues you're havin' with my cook are gonna have to wait. Kaylee, get down to the engine room. I want full burn."

-------

"You look surprisingly cheerful," Inara commented. "To hear tell, you ought to be in your quarters with half a chocolate cake and a box of tissues."

Kate grunted, unable to get her chef's knife through the turnip she was trying to halve. "You cry when you're sad, not when you're angry."

"You're angry with Wash?" Inara asked, with a friendly smile.

"I'm sure you've heard," Kate muttered. "Oh, gosh, my wife's dead and I'm lonely. Hey, you're here, you have the right parts and you gotta be at least as lonely as me, how about a smooch?"

Inara frowned. "I'm sure Wash didn't mean anything like that. What did he say?"

"Nothing," Kate sighed. "He was talking about how this was going to be his first Christmas without Zoe. I can sympathize, because I went through those same feelings last year. Then the next day, he's bandaging up Hannah's knee - which, as far as I can tell, didn't even need bandaging, but he's a pushover - and he stands up and kisses me! What does he think I am?"

"His friend?" Inara suggested. "An attractive woman? The mother of the child who calls him Daddy? Take your pick."

"He's not ready," Kate shook her head. "I know he's not; I wasn't."

"Shouldn't that be up to him? Wash loves his wife, but he knows - better than most of us - that life is short. What's the point if we spend the little time we have letting ourselves be miserable?" Inara smiled. "I think you should talk to him."

"Everyone thinks I should talk to him. No, actually," she paused. "Jayne thinks I should surprise him with a naked lap dance. But everyone else has come in here and told me to talk to him. Except him." She whacked the turnip against the counter, implanting the knife in the countertop and sending the halves flying. "Damn it! I didn't ask for this, you know?"

"We rarely get what we ask for," Inara pointed out. "We get what we're given. We play the hands we're dealt. You've been given a beautiful child, and a kind, caring man who loves her as his own."

"I really do," Wash said, leaning against the doorframe. "I wouldn't say no to Jayne's suggestion, but I think you and me should have a talk, like the rest of them said."

"Excuse me," Inara said politely. "I'll be in my shuttle avoiding the captain."

"So," Kate said, retrieving the lost turnip halves and rinsing them off. "Talk. I'm listening."

"I'm sorry," Wash said. "For yesterday. I'm not usually impulsive, and... well, I guess I remember why, now. At least you didn't slap me."

Kate snorted, though he couldn't tell if she was amused, or still very angry.

"I don't ever want you to think I'm using you to replace Zoe," he said softly. "It's nothing against you, but -"

"Nobody can. I know. I've been there, and Kaylee already gave me this same speech." Kate shrugged. "I was just hoping we could be friends. You're so good with Hannah, and anyone with eyes could tell you how much she adores you. I won't be filler. If anything ever happens between us, and I'm not saying it will, it would have to be because of you and me, not Michael or Zoe."

"But you're not averse to the idea?" Wash grinned. "Face it. I've won you over with my boyish charm. It's only a matter of time..."

"This turnip?" She smirked. "Your head. Aren't you supposed to be working?"

"That's what they tell me," he sighed dramatically. "We're okay?"

"We're okay," she said. "I hope you didn't make your first move on Zoe like that; from what I've heard she'd have broken you in half."

"Just about," he winced. "That's why there was such a long gap between the first move and the second; I had to eat through a straw for three weeks. And, she made me shave my moustache. You've never seen it, but it was very debonaire."

"I've heard tell of the fuzzy caterpillar," Kate laughed. "Get up to the bridge before I put you to work or the captain finds you."

-------

Mal was sitting in Wash's chair, his feet crossed and propped up on the console. "Mighty comfortable seat you got here," he said as he heard Wash approach. "Reckon if I had a chair this nice I'd spend some time in it."

"Serenity flies herself when we're out in the black like this," Wash sighed. "You know that as well as I do."

"That may be so, but I gave you a direct order. Several, if memory serves. You think showin' a disregard for my authority is gonna impress Mrs. Frye or her little one?" Mal stood. "Have a seat."

Wash did as he was told. "What's this really about, Mal?" he asked.

"This is about you," Mal told him. "Zoe's been gone a fair bit, an' I don't know if you've noticed, but you're more or less second in command around here." Wash nodded, and he continued. "Me an' Zoe had this great little leadership thing goin' where I would be a leader - see where I'm goin' with this? - and she would follow."

"So you want me to be more like Zoe," Wash said.

"Now, that ain't what I'm -"

"That's exactly what you're saying, Mal." Wash shook his head. "You and I have both got to learn that there is never going to be anyone quite like Zoe. I can't be Zoe for you any more than Kate could be Zoe for me, okay? So why don't you tell me, what's the real issue that's got your panties in a bunch?"

-------

"Damn him," Kate swore, cutting some carrots into large chunks. "He won't even let me stay mad."

The Mandarin:  
_dong ma?_ - understand? (oh come on, I don't know why I bother, you folks know this one.)


	11. Chapter 11

**DISCLAIMER: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"I ain't goin' out there," Jayne grumbled. "No way, no how."

"Please?" River asked, batting her eyes. "If you're good, later we can try my costume."

"That ain't fair."

"All's fair in love and war," River smiled. "You're going to make a little girl's Christmas."

Jayne sighed in resignation. "Li'l hellion what painted my face with lipstick," he muttered, eyeing the white beard and wig.

"She loves her Uncle Jayne and you know it." River smirked. "Come on, they're waiting."

-------

Adult readers: please read "Santa's Naughty Helper" right here.

-------

Jayne made a very tall, slightly menacing St. Nick. Even with a pillow stuffed into his costume - Kate had decided not to spend the extra coin on ths stuffing after all - he was broad and muscular and just not fat. Hannah couldn't have cared less. He had the red suit, the white beard and wig, the hat, the whole shebang. As far as she was concerned, he was Santa. She didn't even notice Uncle Jayne's absence.

"Ho, ho, ho," Jayne said unenthusiastically, earning a sharp glare from each of the women on the ship, and Mal, if he wasn't mistaken. "Merry Christmas, li'l Hannah. What can Santa bring ya this year?"

Hannah began to list off the words she knew for the things she could see around her. "Kitten," she finished. "Hannah want kitten."

"Er..." Jayne hesitated. "I'll uh... Santa... will... see what he can do?" He looked at Wash pleadingly.

"Santa may not be able to get a kitten in through the airlock, sweetie," Wash told her.

"Hannah want kitten," she told him. "Kitten."

Wash looked helpless. "I... Hannah..."

"Santa's gonna get you that kitten," Mal said, finally. "Don't you fret none, munchkin. Wash, we're on schedule for Persephone, yes?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I gotta see a man about a cat." He left the common area, probably to avoid comment.

"Okay, honey, Santa has a lot of other little boys and girls to visit before the big night, right Santa?" Kate prompted, allowing Jayne an escape.

"Right," Jayne answered. Hannah was getting very excited, and was bouncing in his lap. "Ho, ho - ow! _Liou coe shuai du biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh ur-tze!_ Gorram it, girl, my stomach!"

Then that bottom lip started to quiver.

"Aw, hell," Jayne sighed. "Don't cry, li'l Hannah. Santa's okay. See? Happy? Okay?" To Simon he whispered, "Doc, I think she ruptured somethin'."

"He's hemorrhaging," Simon said, startled.

Hannah was wailing and reaching out for her Daddy. "Dada, San-ta, San-ta!" she sobbed.

"Santa's okay, sweetie," Kate soothed. "Really, he's fine."

"Come on, baby girl," Wash suggested. "Let's go fly Serenity, huh? Come on." They took the hysterical toddler in one direction while Simon and River guided Jayne in another.

"We can't do anything normally," Inara commented.

"We ain't normal," Kaylee grinned. "If we was, we wouldn't be here."

-------

"Damage report?" Mal sighed.

"How did you -" Inara asked. "I know you couldn't have heard me approach."

"Saw your reflection," he replied. "Hannah okay?"

"She may be traumatized for life, but I think she would have been traumatized by something on this ship sooner or later." Inara laughed softly. "Jayne's off with River, letting her play nurse. Or, elf, I believe. I can't believe she bought that costume."

"Let's put that on the list of things I don't wanna know about, shall we? Okay. What?"

Inara's smile was widening. "You're going to break your own rule, to see a little girl smile on Christmas morning."

"I am? Which one was that again?" He looked mildly confused, as though he was listing rules in his head.

"No animals on board?" She smirked.

"Right, that one." Mal shrugged. "Ain't one of the important ones. A little girl should have a kitten," he smiled faintly.

"You're a sweet man," Inara said, leaning in to kiss him.

"Mm," He smiled. "No, I'm not. I'm always tellin' you girls, I'm a mean old man."

"You don't fool me." Inara told him, kissing his jaw, then his ear.

"Ain't tryin' to, no more."

-------

"Damn it, woman," Jayne muttered. "Why you gotta be so sneaky 'bout things? Shoulda known there was a reason ya decided to gimme my bribe before I done the deed."

"Not sneaky," River smiled. "Just practical. I knew once you split your stitches you wouldn't be able to properly enjoy my costume. But if I'd warned you about the injury, you wouldn't have played Santa for Hannah."

"Poor kid's scared to death o' the ol' fat man now," Jayne pointed out. "Woulda been better off without a Santa."

"The captain's getting her a kitten," River countered. "That was Santa's influence."

"Why don't you put that cute li'l outfit you got me for Christmas back on..."

"Jayne!" River admonished. "I'm not contributing to the detriment of your health. Go to bed."

-------

"She's sleeping," Wash told Kate. "You okay?"

"She wouldn't let me near her," she replied. "She didn't want me, she wanted you."

"I'm the Daddy. We're known for our protection skills, real or imagined." Wash nudged her with his elbow. "Besides, she's had her fill of you. I'm new and therefore far more interesting."

Kate shot him a watery glare.

"Are you crying?"

"No." she sniffled. "Yes."

"Come on, I was teasing. She loves you, she always has and always will. You're the one constant in her life," he comforted her. "I'm not replacing you. Your shoes are... well, they're pretty small, in reality, but metaphorically they're very hard to fill." He wrapped her in a hug and kissed the top of her head. "You're a great mom, you know that, right?"

Kate snorted. "I might believe that if I hadn't just been completely snubbed in favor of a relative stranger."

"The stranger you're now allowing to hold you." He reminded her.

"I have always relied on the kindness of strangers," she drawled, snuggling against him and chuckling softly. "It just hurts to see her go to someone... not me."

"That just means you've succeeded in giving her a home where she feels safe without you right by her side," Wash smiled. "You're doing a good job with her, but you two aren't alone anymore, remember that. She's gonna form bonds with her aunts and uncles you might not always get. Like with Jayne and the make-up - I'm still not over that. Kaylee is a genius for taking caps. It's smooth sailing, really, until she's old enough to ask Auntie Inara about sex. Then, we worry."

"We?"

"Yeah," Wash said. "I mean, I am the Daddy, after all. That's not a job you can resign from, or take a vacation or a sabattical or such. And... I'm not sure I'd want to, anyhow. Hannah - and her mom - they're kinda part of me now."

"You're still hugging me."

"Yeah."

"And you're getting mushy."

"Yeah."

"Are you going to kiss me again?"

"I was thinking about it."

"Maybe you should sleep on it." Kate pulled back. She kissed his nose affectionately. "Goodnight."

Wash was alone in the corridor. "Huh," he said. "Women really are insane."

"I heard that," Kate said from the other side of her door. "Go to bed."

The Mandarin:_  
Liou coe shuai du biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh ur-tze!_ - Salivating son of a bitch and a monkey!


	12. Chapter 12

**DISCLAIMER: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"Come on, Simon, ain't ya never had the urge to try it?" Kaylee wore an eager expression that made her husband and her cousin smile affectionately at her.

"Kaylee, nothing is ever going to make pickled brussels sprouts appetizing to anyone, least of all for breakfast," Simon laughed. "Kate, talk to your cousin for me."

"He's right, _mei-mei_. That there is definitely one of the not-normal pregnancy cravings." Kate laughed. "I'd help you out, but I plain forgot to buy any when Mal sent me for groceries." Kate grinned. "And, that would probably ruin my appetite, and everyone else's."

Kaylee pouted a tiny bit. "Guess I'll have to settle for... what's that, anyway?"

"Right now it's the biggest bowl of raw egg you've likely ever seen," Kate told her, beating the eggs with a whisk. "In a few minutes, though, it'll be omelets. What do you want in yours?"

Kaylee fought the urge to reply, 'pickled brussels sprouts.' "Little bit of everything?" she smiled sheepishly.

Kate snickered. "One loaded for the pregnant lady. Simon?"

"Uh, just cheese, and a little ham?" He smiled. "I can't remember the last time I had an omelet."

"Omelets?" River said, coming into the kitchen with Jayne in tow. "Yum. Make mine like that one."

Kate shook her head. "Ham and cheese for the doctor and another loaded for the psychic co-pilot. Jayne, hold your order a minute, please? I can only keep two skillets going at a time and I'm probably going to forget River's in the meantime."

"Hey, Mal," Jayne greeted. "Listen, Mal, I got me a powerful need for a puppy," he teased.

"I got a powerful need to toss someone out the airlock an' see what happens to em', you volunteerin'?"

"Grouch," Inara laughed, swatting Mal's arm. "Breakfast smells delicious, Kate. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I could use someone to man the toaster, actually," Kate replied. "Omelet wouldn't be the same without toast."

"I coulda done that," Kaylee protested. "Why didn't you ask me for help?"

Kate grinned. "Because you and Simon look so darn cute this morning, I couldn't bear to disturb you." Kaylee was in Simon's lap at the table, and they were both wrapped in a blanket. "Where's my little girl, anyway? She never sleeps in."

"She didn't," Jayne laughed. "Heard her beatin' down Wash's door 'bout three this mornin'. Think I gave her nightmares. Reckon he took her up to the bridge to try to lull her back t'sleep."

Kate tried to mask the stab of pain she felt at that. She knew Wash was right, that she should be happy Hannah had made connections with her new family, but it still hurt that she wasn't even the one Hannah went to when she had a bad dream anymore. "Hey, sleepy girl," she said, smiling as she saw Hannah leading Wash into the kitchen. "Daddy looks like he got pulled from his bed way, way too early. Did you have something to do with that?"

"Ping, mama," Hannah said, and her mother pulled a bottle of juice from the fridge.

"Here you, go, sweetie," she said. "Wash, your hair is... hm."

"Hm?" He asked, blearily.

"Yeah. I've noticed it kinda defies gravity, but... yeah." She shook her head, her eyes sparkling with mirth. "You haven't been near a mirror yet, huh?"

"Aww," Kaylee grinned. "He looks like a baby chicken or somethin'."

Wash ran his fingers through his hair, attempting to look casual about it and failing. He also failed to flatten it.

"Relax," Kate giggled. "It's cute. Doesn't Daddy look cute, sugar?"

Hannah nodded enthusiastically. "Dada pretty."

"Dada sleepy," Wash mumbled. "Coffee?"

"Wash, go back to bed." Kate said, shaking her head. "I'll make you something to eat when you're conscious enough to eat it, okay?"

"If you give me coffee I'll do anything you tell me to," Wash told her. "Anything."

Inara laughed. "Hurry, get him coffee. That's a favor you can collect on later."

"Ain't fair to take advantage of a man 'fore his mornin' cup," Mal smirked. "He's like to say anythin' just for that jolt o' joe."

"Caffiene addiction is a powerful motivator," Simon agreed. "It's always dangerous to put yourself between an addict and his fix," he added with a grin. "But, in this particular case, it could prove rewarding."

"Fine," Kate said, pouring a cup. She set it down in front of Wash, who gave her a grateful smile. "Drink up, but I'm going to make you take a nap later, so you don't get grouchy. Hannah, honey, where did you get that?" She snatched a box of technicolor cereal from the little girl's hands. "That's caca. Yuck." She handed the box to Jayne, who stuck his hand into it and began munching away happily.

"A nap?" Wash chuckled. "What am I, three?" When he saw the look on Kate's face, he stopped smirking. "Sorry. Nap, it is."

"Damn, girl," Jayne crowed. "You got him whipped an' ya ain't even screwin' him!" He cackled, and Hannah watched him with interest.

"What screw?" she asked.

-------

"Maybe we should have just given 'em coin," Kaylee suggested helpfully as Kate and River wrestled with boxes and paper and sticky tape. "Coin's got a nice jingle to it, an' jinglin's Christmassy."

"Too late now," River told her. "Anyway, money is a very impersonal gift. All my gifts are very personal."

"I can imagine what kind of personal things you got Jayne," Kate half-smiled, "and I'll ask you to not gift them around Hannah, _dong ma?_ Took her forever to quit asking what screwing was."

"Almost as long as it took to talk Jayne out of explainin' it," Kaylee laughed. "Kate, are all them just for li'l Hannah?"

"Not all," Kate answered vaguely. "I got everyone at least a little something."

"Can I see mine?" Kaylee asked, excited.

"Yours isn't in the shopping," River told her. "It's more special than these. You'll see."

"Nothing's more special than another," Kate said. "But she's right, it ain't with the shopping. It's in one of my trunks."

"Ladies, the captain sent me to tell you we're due to set down on Persephone within the hour," Inara told them, sticking her head into the spare passenger room they were using as their Christmas present wrapping/hiding spot. "Hannah's up from her nap and Wash is busy at the helm, should I...?"

"Bring her down to Simon in the infirmary an' come join us," Kaylee said. "We ain't gettin' much done -"

"We aren't, or you aren't?" Kate asked, throwing a ball of wadded-up red tissue paper at her. "'Cause it looks to me that River and I are getting quite a bit accomplished." She stuck her tongue out at her cousin, who returned the gesture and the ball of paper.

"I'll be right back," Inara grinned.

-------

"Hi, Hannah," Simon said when he looked up. "Inara, is she -?"

"She's fine," the former Companion smiled. "You've been elected temporary Hannah-minder while Wash is bringing us planetside. Kaylee and the others are wrapping gifts, and I thought I'd join them, if it's okay with you?"

"No, sure, that's fine," Simon said. "I just... I don't... What do I do? With her?"

"You're the one who's about to become a father," Inara grinned wickedly. "Perhaps you'd better figure that out."

"Inara, I -" he started, but she was faster than she looked. He stared at the little girl in confusion. "Well, Hannah, what am I going to do with you?"

"Play?" Hannah looked up at him.

"Right," Simon said. "Why didn't I think of that? Uncle Simon is silly, isn't he?"

"Silly," Hannah agreed. "Love."

"I haven't got anything proper to play with in here, just lots of nasty sharp things that we don't want to play with, yuck, right?" He nodded his head and smiled when Hannah copied his movements. "Let's go see what we can find in the cargo bay, huh?"

"What that?" Hannah asked, pointing to a diagram of the human brain.

"That's the medulla oblongata," Simon told her. "That's the part of your brain that tells your body to do the things we don't do on purpose, like breathing."

"Oh," she said, looking very serious. "What that?"

Simon looked; she was pointing this time to a very early sonogram. "That's your Aunt Kaylee's and my baby," he smiled. "Right there, see the tiny little..."

"Baby," Hannah repeated, giggling.

-------

"Another flawless landing," Wash said sarcastically. Mal glowered up at him from the floor.

"You did that on purpose," he accused. "Ain't no way it oughta be that rough enterin' atmo hereabouts."

"There's a storm," Wash insisted. "See? With the clouds, and the rain, and... lightning, see? I can assure you, Mal, I didn't order crappy weather."

Mal grumbled something inaudible, picking himself up.

"What?"

"I said, if it don't let up, I might not be able to find a gorram kitten. Cats ain't overly fond o' the rain," Mal grimaced. "Let's just meet with the gem dealer and make the sale. You can take your little girl an' her pretty mom out for a nice meal she ain't got to cook, an' I can figure out another way to get us a kitten."

"Great plan," Wash agreed.

"Baby," Hannah said, leading her Uncle Simon up onto the bridge by the hand. "Baby!"

Simon grinned. "I showed her an ultrasound of the baby," he explained. "She's almost as excited as we are."

"'Course she is," Mal said, faking a sour look. "Somethin' littler than her to boss around, what kid wouldn't be thrilled."

"Love!" Hannah said, throwing her arms around Mal's legs. "Love, love, love!" She hugged Simon's legs as well before climbing up into her Daddy's lap. "Hannah flyin'?"

"We're parked, short stuff," Wash told her. "Daddy and Uncle Mal are going to do some business, and then you and me will take Mommy out for dinner, okay?"

"Should I prepare the infirmary," Simon smirked, "or just start arming up the women?"

Mal began to say something, but let the curse die on his lips. "I'd say somethin' smart, but I think this one's mama will shoot me if she learns any more colorful phrases from my mouth."

Wash grinned. "He's not wrong."

"I'll cover my bases, then," Simon joked as he left.

"Dada," Hannah said, "baby?"

"Yeah, Hannah, they're having a baby."

"Wan' baby, dada. Please?"

"Reckon you better talk to your mama about that one," Mal chuckled. "Ain't a thing your Daddy can do about that on his own."

-------

"Tomorrow's Christmas Eve," Simon whispered in Kaylee's ear as they looked out the window of their hotel room. "It's our first Christmas together."

"Not really," Kaylee pointed out. "We was together for last Christmas."

"But not together like we are now," he replied. "You, and me, and... Thingy."

Kaylee let loose a gale of laughter. "You're callin' our baby Thingy?"

Simon shrugged. "I suppose we could give it a unisex name instead of waiting... like, Carol. Or my mother's name, Regan." He paused. "Never mind. At this point I wouldn't name a plant after her."

"How 'bout Jayne," Kaylee giggled. "Him bein' a bona fide folk hero an' all."

Simon made an exaggerated face of disgust, and Kaylee laughed at his reflection in the window. "Do you think Kate would be upset if we called the baby Michael? I've always liked the name, and if it's a boy..." he trailed off.

"Naw, Kate'd be shiny," Kaylee said. "I was thinkin' maybe Derrial for a boy, or Alleyne for a girl. It ain't the same as callin' 'em after them, cause we never called them those names, but it'd still be in honor of 'em, ya know?"

"Those are lovely names, bao bei," Simon smiled into her hair. "Lovely names for a lovely baby."

-------

"Dinner was wonderful," Kate smiled, looping her arm through Wash's. "How exactly did you get River and Jayne to babysit?"

"I called in a favor," Wash grinned. "You really liked it?"

"I generally prefer food I can pronounce, but we have to pretend to be grown-ups sometimes." She sighed. "I honestly didn't think I'd ever wear this again." She looked down at her black dress. It was simple, with spaghetti straps and a flared skirt, but Inara had added a few accessories, and for the first time in a long time, Kate finally felt as young as she was. It made Wash feel a little pervy, actually, to be out to dinner on the arm of this... this young thing.

"You look amazing," Wash told her honestly. "I'm waiting for someone to ask if I'm your father."

Kate swatted his arm. "You're not old." She paused, smiling mischeviously. "Well, not that old, anyway..."

"Hey!" he laughed.

"I'm legal," she assured him. "I'm older than Kaylee. Not by much, but it used to drive her crazy when I'd hold that over her head. So, what are we going to do now?"

"Well," Wash said innocently, "I was thinking we could hit a cinemaplex and make out like teenagers in the back row. Ow!" he chuckled when she punched his arm. "That was a fist!"

Kate giggled. "You know, I never thought I'd be this comfortable with anyone other than Michael."

"Oh?" Wash said. "Did you hit him a lot, too?"

"Only when he deserved it," she deadpanned. "It's beautiful tonight. I'm glad the rain stopped."

"I'm glad Mal suggested this," he smiled. "Although, he included Hannah."

"Yeah, Hannah would have loved it there, so many things to break and make a mess of," Kate smiled.

"Speaking of Hannah, eventually you're going to have to let me kiss you again," Wash said casually. "She's started asking for a baby brother or sister."


	13. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"Mal," Wash said, eyeing the ball of fur. "This isn't a kitten."

"It ain't?" Mal said. "What is it?"

"Looks like a rat," Jayne put in.

"Actually," Simon said thoughtfully, "It's feline. But I'm guessing when you were thinking 'kitten' you didn't exactly have _Prionailurus viverrinus_ in mind."

"Pryo-what?" Mal asked. "What the gorram hell did Cooper sell me?"

"It's a fishing cat," Simon explained, showing them the kitten's webbed paws. "I've never seen one outside of a text book. This cat belongs in a zoo, not a spaceship. You can't give this kitten to Hannah."

"Lucky thing we ain't off the ground yet," Mal sighed.

"Hold up," Jayne said. "Fishin' cat could be useful, we land on a rock with some sweet water holes."

"Jayne," Simon said patiently. "This cat is not domesticated. It could tear Hannah's face off in her sleep or something! Wild animals are unpredictable, and they don't belong in someone's house as a pet."

"Right. Doc, you an' Jayne are comin' with me to pay Cooper another visit. I'm leavin' it in your hands to make sure he don't sell me another one o' these pryo-whatsits. Jayne don't gotta be healed to look menacin' enough." Mal turned. "Wash, keep the ladies distracted."

The ladies, it turned out, were in the kitchen. Every last one of them, from Inara to Hannah, was in the middle of making some kind of food. Hannah and River were decorating sugar cookies and gingerbread cookies with brightly colored icing. Kaylee was finishing up what looked like a batch of egg nog. Inara was brewing mulled cider.

"What is that?" Wash asked Kate.

She grinned. "It's figgy pudding. You know, "o bring us some figgy pudding, o bring us some figgy pudding,'" she sang.

"O bring us some figgy pudding, and bring it right here," Kaylee, Inara and River joined in. "We won't go until we get some -"

"I get the picture," Wash laughed. "Have you ladies been tasting the egg nog?"

"No," Inara smiled. "But we have been tasting the rum that goes into it."

"All of you?"

"Well, not Hannah, or Kaylee," Kate grinned. "The rest of us have, though. I'm so glad River had Jayne get us a couple extra bottles; I don't think we'd have had enough, otherwise."

Amused, Wash grinned. "You, Inara, and River have finished an entire bottle of rum."

"Yesh," River replied. "An' iss not affeffecting me hardly at all." She swayed a little on her feet when she rose in search of more red sprinkles. Inara started giggling wildly, and Kate joined in.

"Affeffecting," Inara repeated. "That's funny."

"One bottle's for the hot buttered rum later," Kate explained. "One for the egg nog, and one for the cooks!"

"Dada," Hannah beamed, holding up a particularly garish-looking cookie.

"That's really pretty, Hannah banana," Wash praised. "Very inventive. I like how you made Santa's beard green with pink polka-dots. That's a look that definitely works for him."

"I tried to get her to correct the inaccurashies," River said, "But she wouldn't lishen to reashon."

"She's two," Kaylee laughed. "No such thing as reason."

"I especially like his purple sparkly hat," Wash continued. "Is that cookie for me, or for Santa Claus?"

"San-ta belly hurt," Hannah answered. "Cookie for dada."

"She don't miss a trick," Kaylee said fondly. "Reckon she got that from her mama. Michael could be dense as stone at times."

"What's that?" Kate giggled, still tipsy. "Is it what I think it is?"

Wash grinned. "We have to get a start on Hannah's Christmas gift for next year," he told her. "Yes, it's mistletoe. Well, not real mistletoe. It's plastic, but the sentiment is the same."

Without hesitating, Kate pulled his face down to hers. He could taste rum, and the sweetness of cider, and he almost thought he could get drunk just from kissing her. "Merry Christmas," she whispered when they parted.

"Now that," Wash said, satisfied, "is a kitten fit for our princess." He stroked the little white cat on its head and it purred loudly. It looked as though it had a Siamese ancestor, probaby its parent or grandparent. Its ears were dark brown, as was its tail, and its front legs were brown with white mittens. "You did great, Mal. She's gonna be thrilled."

"Eh," Mal replied, trying to look disinterested. "Could use a cat around for pest control."

Simon smirked. They'd found a restaurant specializing in fried cat and picked this one out from the cages of cats waiting to become someone's dinner. It was really quite horrifying, and he knew Mal, like him, had wanted to bring every last one of them home, though the captain would never admit to it. "She's a pretty little thing," he said, reaching over to let the kitten in Wash's arms sniff him. "Beautiful blue eyes." The kitten nuzzled his hand affectionately, leaving a slimy trail of kitten snot. "She could be healthier, though," he said reasonably.

"Too little," Jayne said for the fifteenth time. "She ain't old enough to be weaned. Runt o' the litter, most like." He grinned. "Lucky I bought li'l Hannah a tiny li'l baby bottle and some kitten formula for her Christmas gift, huh?"

Wash wanted to hug the big mercenary, for the first time in... ever.

Jayne prowled through the kitchen. He had express orders from River not to eat any of the goodies for their Christmas Eve party, on pain of death, but she never said he couldn't taste test the egg nog. Nowhere near enough rum, he decided, adding about half a bottle. Trust women to brew it too weak.

Reckon Kaylee made the egg nog virgin, Mal thought. Or at least weak as piss. Best add a little Christmas cheer, he grinned as he added some of his personal stash.

No way Kaylee put enough rum in, Kate decided. She never did, after all. She emptied what remained of the bottle set aside for the cooks into the batch of eggnog chilling in the refrigerator.


	14. Chapter 14

**DISCLAIMER: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"Ain't it pretty?" Kaylee said, stepping back to admire the tree. It was draped with a paper chain, and popcorn that had been strung together. There were origami flowers and birds and other pretty little ornaments tucked into the boughs. "I wish we coulda got a real tree, but at least we won't need to buy another one next year."

"It looks lovely," Inara smiled. "Everything does." The common room was decorated with red paper lanterns that would be lit later that evening when Hannah had gone to bed. Nine Christmas stockings of various sizes, colors and fabrics hung on one wall.

"Rumor has it you girls been into the rum already this mornin'," Mal said, who had just been down in the cargo bay.

"Practicing for tonight," Kate grinned. "Hannah, don't you pull that. If the tree falls down on you, I'm just going to watch and laugh." It was an empty threat, but the little girl re-thought the idea of tugging on the paper chain.

"You seen the mess Jayne's makin' of my hold?" Mal asked. "Wood dust all over the place, an' I reckon he's done forgot how to use a broom."

"He's making Christmas," River said in his defense.

-------

"What's that?" River asked Jayne as he bent over a small wooden object, sanding out the rough edges.

Jayne looked startled. "Why you gotta sneak up on me, girl?"

"I asked first," she said simply.

"Cradle," Jayne said tersely.

"Not for Kaylee and Simon. Too small for a baby," River pointed out.

"Not for a doll baby," Jayne replied. "Or a kitten."

River beamed and kissed Jayne's forehead. "You," she grinned, "are a softie."

"I'll deny it to the grave."

River studied the tiny cradle. "What's it lined with?" she asked, petting the soft fur.

"Rabbit I picked off on Aurora," Jayne said. "My pa showed me how to cure skins when I was a boy."

"You made all your gifts," River stated, rather than asked. "But you're good at keeping secrets, because I can't see mine."

"Way it should be," Jayne grinned slyly. "You gonna go get ready for the party?"

-------

"Why?"

"Because you're the captain," Inara said patiently. "You're the patriarch. You have to be there."

"I hate parties," Mal groaned. "I hate Christmas."

"You like booze," she pointed out, "and we've got that in spades."

Mal considered this. "I ain't dressin' up."

"As long as you're clothed, I'm sure no one will mind," Inara smiled. "Just hunker down in a corner with some hot buttered rum, or some egg nog, and try to look like you're not being tortured, okay?"

"I'll go, and I'll drink, but I make no promises about the torture."

-------

"No bed," Hannah said, stomping her tiny feet and waving her fists in the air. "Hannah no bed!"

Wash sighed. "If you don't go to bed, Santa Claus will just pass right on by the ship," he told her. "He won't leave your presents if you're awake when he gets here."

"Daddy's right," Kate nodded. "It'd be a shame if you didn't get your kitten," she said, making a sad face.

"No kitten for Hannah?" Wash said. "That would be a shame. Better get into your jammies and snuggle down under the covers nice and tight."

Hannah reluctantly obeyed. Kate and Wash closed the door behind them as they left.

"How long do you think that'll stick?" Kate asked.

"I give it an hour," Wash sighed. "How did you manage to do this on your own?"

Kate shrugged. "Beats me. About earlier -"

"Yeah, I'm sorry," Wash said. "You were pretty tipsy, and there was mistletoe -" She cut him off with a kiss.

"I was just gonna say maybe we should do that more often."

"Oh," Wash said, surprised. "In that case, I'm not sorry."

-------

"It ain't as gross as it sounds," Kaylee insisted. "Tomatoes is fruit, an' ice cream sometimes has fruit in it."

"Yes," Simon smiled, amused. "But ketchup on a sundae?"

"Don't laugh," Kaylee pouted. "It ain't funny. You wouldn't be laughin' was it you havin' all these weird cravin's."

"I'm sorry, _bao bei_," Simon said, swallowing a chuckle. "I think it's adorable, really. And I know you can't help it."

"I ain't gonna be able to have any of the goodies tonight," she frowned. "Not the buttered rum nor the egg nog, anyhow."

"Good," Simon grinned. "You can make sure I don't make an ass of myself, then."

"I'm pregnant," she grinned mischeviously, "not God."

-------

"Mal," Kate breathed. "She's perfect. What a beautiful little baby!" She snuggled the tiny kitten under her chin. "Forget Hannah, this little sweetie is mine. I'm going to call her Xue." The kitten purred and nuzzled, burrowing under her chin. "Oh, I suppose I'll have to share, but she's just so precious."

"The doc made sure she wasn't any kind of odd wildcat," Mal told her. "Weren't so lucky on my first attempt." He downed his third mug of hot buttered rum. "Get me another, darlin'?" he asked Inara, who rolled her eyes and complied.

"Y'all been drinkin' too much," Kaylee commented. "It's almost gone."

"Guess we'll have to move on to the egg nog," Jayne grinned, punctuating with a loud belch.

"Wow," Hannah marvelled from the doorway. "Unca Jayne pretty."

"That weren't pretty," Kaylee said. "That was disgustin', weren't it, Jayne?"

"Absolutely revoltin'," he agreed. "Don't you go makin' sounds like that, hear?"

"What are you doing out of bed, little princess?" Inara smiled. "Didn't Mommy and Daddy tuck you into bed a while ago?"

Hannah ran to her Uncle Mal and buried her face in his sleeve.

"Don't put me in the middle o' this, li'l one," Mal said, scooping her up into his arms. "Seems I heard someplace Santa only leaves you presents if you're in bed when -"

"Kitten!"

Simon smirked. "Maybe I've had too much rum -"

"You've definitely had too much rum," Kate interrupted.

"- but is now when I say, oops, we let the cat out of the bag?" Simon was pelted with bits of cookies, popcorn, and a pillow or two.

"Very punny," River said, shaking her head. It felt spinny.

"Kitten, mama," Hannah insisted, climbing into her mother's lap and wrapping her chubby hands around the kitten's midsection.

"Gentle," Wash advised. "The kitten's just a little baby right now, so you have to be really really careful."

"Soft," Hannah sighed, stroking the creature's snowy white fur. The kitten, who had initially been frightened by the toddler's enthusiasm, began to purr contentedly.

"Okay, toots," Wash said. "You got your kitten. You cheated Santa out of his surprise. It's time to get back to bed."

"Unca Simon," Hannah told her father. "No dada."

"Ouch," Wash winced. "That's harsh." He moved closer to Kate and squeezed her shoulder.

"Okay," Simon said, "but if you get up again, we're going to tell Santa Claus to keep your presents for himself."

-------

"Unca Simon," Hannah said, climbing into bed. "San-ta?"

"He'll be here as soon as you go to sleep," Simon said, tucking her in and tousling her blonde curls. "The sooner you go to sleep, the sooner it'll be morning, and you can open your gifts." He placed the kitten on the bed with her.

"Hannah no wan' sleep," she said sadly, pouting and stroking the kitten's white fur.

"Nobody wants to sleep on Christmas Eve," Simon smiled. "But we have to if we want Santa to leave us goodies. We have to be very good and do things like go to bed when our mommies and daddies and aunts and uncles tell us."

Hannah looked very thoughtful. "Kitten," she smiled. "No Santa?"

Simon nearly choked. How was he going to explain that? "Uhh... Santa came by a little earlier to drop off the kitten because he didn't think she'd like to ride all around the 'verse all night," he said, congratulating himself on his quick thinking, especially since he had a head and tummy full of hot buttered rum. "But your other presents won't be here until later, so you'd better go to sleep."


	15. Chapter 15

**DISCLAIMER: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"Okay," Kaylee grinned, pouring herself another mug of hot spiced cider. "Simon's back, y'all can start gettin' yerselves shitfaced again." Simon accepted a cup of egg nog from her as he sat down.

"Kaylee," Mal said, mildly shocked. "I ain't used to hearin' that language outta you."

River made a very serious face. "Our little girl is growing up, pa," she said, nearly managing to keep a straight face.

"I've heard worse outta you, lately," Mal grumbled. "What is with the women on this ship? Y'all been listenin' to Jayne too much?" He drained his cup of egg nog, and, feeling his head spin, decided to wait a few minutes before helping himself to another.

"Yeah, Mal," Jayne said, "I been holdin' lessons on how to swear like a sailor in the cargo hold every other Thursday. Somebody wanna fill me up?" He offered his empty mug, and Kate took it and filled it with egg nog. She got herself and Wash each a cup as well.

Taking a sip, she commented, "Wow, this is strong." She flushed a little, remembering how much rum she'd added and hoping Kaylee wouldn't figure her out.

"You're not wrong," Wash sputtered, nearly choking on the large gulp he'd attempted. "Good show, Kaylee."

Kaylee blinked. "I made it strong 'cause I know y'all complain when I don't, but it shouldn't oughta be that bad." She narrowed her eyes. "Who spiked it?"

Kate, Mal and Jayne all found something on the floor very interesting, all of a sudden.

"Cap'n!" Kaylee laughed. "You?"

"I figured it needed a little extra holiday cheer," he offered weakly.

"Jayne started it," River tattled, covering her mouth instantly. The words had slipped out without her meaning to say them. "I told him don't eat, but I didn't say don't taste, don't meddle. He meddled."

Kate's face was burning, though she couldn't tell how much of it was guilt and how much was drink. "I might have, er, Irished it up a little myself," she said, louder than she'd intended.

"Kate!" Kaylee giggled. "You know how much rum is in Granny's original recipe, don'tcha?"

Kate grinned. "You never follow that part of the recipe, you're always worried someone'll have too much." Which is exactly what happened, she realized.

"This egg nog... 's good," Mal muttered. "Eggy an' noggy, an' rummy..."

"My thongue feelth funny," River said, sticking out said tongue and probing it with a questioning finger.

"I'm hot," Kate announced, peeling off her shirt. "Is anyone else hot?" Wash gulped; Kate wasn't exactly wearing a lot anymore, just her bra and a pair of jeans.

"Baking," he said hoarsely. He cleared his throat and took another sip of egg nog.

"That's a lovely brassiere," Inara said politely. "Where did you get it?" She spilled egg nog down the front of herself and started giggling uncontrollably.

"I'm gonna pee myself," Kaylee laughed harder. "Y'all hadda mess with my granny's recipe."

"'S nuthin' wrong with a li'l..." Simon trailed off, looking for all the world like he'd fallen asleep with his eyes open.

"Jayne!" Kate shrieked with laughter. "Jayne! Pudding! Jayne sat! Pudding!"

Wash snorted. "Jayne sat on the pudding?"

"'S comfy," Jayne said. He reached down to wipe some of the ruined figgy pudding from the seat of his pants, and tasted it. "'S tasty, too."

"I'm still really hot," Kate sighed. "Is anyone else hot?" Mal looked very concerned, because Inara and River both seemed keen on the idea.

"It is hot," Inara agreed, studying her clothes to see what she could remove to cool herself off. River pulled the neckline of her shirt away from her body, and Mal's hands itched, waiting to see which of the two he'd have to throw the tablecloth over first.

"I'm burning alive," Kate fussed. "I just want to take off my -"

"Enough of that!" Mal said, horrified. He looked over and realized that Jayne was nibbling River's neck, and judging by the moans she was making, that was something best taken to his bunk. "River, why don't you see Jayne safe to his bed?" Mal suggested, even though his own mind was clouded with drink. "We're all gonna call it a night."

"Aww," Kaylee giggled. "An' just when you was all startin' to get real fun." She stood up. "C'mon, Simon, wakey wakey."

"Yeah," Inara snickered. "You gotta get up to go to bed, Simon."

"Okay, li'l lady, let's you an' me get a move on," Mal said, pulling Inara up from her seat by her hand and corralling her towards her shuttle. "Ah, screw it," he said. "My bunk's closer an' I can't gorram see straight."

"You're not drunk," Kate accused Wash. He looked around the common area and realized they were alone.

"I am," he said defensively. "But someone had to be conscious enough to remember to put out the S-A-N-T-A gifts before we all went to sleep."

"You should do that," Kate smiled. "'Cause I'm gonna go be naked, if anyone's interested."

"Shiny. But, if you help me, we can get this done twice as fast," he suggested.

"You'd think so," Kate said in a low, sultry voice. She put her arms around his neck and started doing sinful things to his earlobe.

Mother of god. "Kate, as much as I - uhh. That's nice. I mean, Hannah -" Wash said, trying to push her away. "Hannah will be heartbroken if she wakes up and - oh, do that again."

Kate laced her fingers through Wash's unruly hair and dragged his lips to hers. "I'll be in my quarters," she whispered, and left him to his Santa duties.

-------

"I got all the presents out from the hiding spots," Wash said as he walked into Kate's bedroom. "Kate?" Apparantly she hadn't gotten as far as the naked, because she was sound asleep, fully dressed - well, save for her shirt, which he'd forgotten to retrieve from the common room - on top of the covers. Wash sighed, laughed, and shook his head. He grabbed a spare blanket to cover her with, and lay down behind her, covering them both. "Goodnight," he whispered. "Merry Christmas." Wash pulled Kate into his arms and fell asleep.

-------

"Mama! Dada! Santa! Santa!" Hannah was shrieking delightedly. Xue was dangling awkwardly under her chubby arm, purring like mad.

"Is there a volume control on that cat? I know there isn't one on the child. " Kate muttered, wiping the sleep from her eyes. "Ugh, my head."

Wash moaned. "There isn't enough aspirin in the 'verse..."

"Now! Hannah want! Now!" Their hangovers would have to wait, because there was a very exhuberant toddler who wasn't going anywhere unless they came out to see the presents with her.

"Go wake your aunts and uncles," Wash suggested. "What time is it?"

"Three thirty," Kate groaned.

"In the morning? We just went to bed an hour ago," he sighed. "It's a good thing you did fall asleep, because I don't think I'd have been done with you by now, and we wouldn't want to traumatize Hannah."

Kate grinned. "Guess we'll have to take a rain check, then, huh?"

"Count on it."

-------

"Kaylee, you're a genius," Mal said gratefully as she handed each of the adults a cup of egg nog.

"Hair of the dog," she shrugged, smiling.

"Sugar cookies with frosting are not breakfast," Kate said firmly.

"Come on," Simon grinned. "This one's got a cherry on it, and cherries are fruit. Here, you can have the healthy one."

Kaylee laughed at the look her cousin was giving her husband. "Katie, he's a doctor," she said, with mock seriousness.

"A doctor who's trying to feed my daughter cookies for breakfast," Kate sighed. "Oh, well, it's only Christmas once a year."

Simon cheered, handing a cookie that was more icing than cookie to Hannah. "We won," he told her. "Junk for Christmas breakfast is a Tam family tradition, and you're part of our family now, too."

"Pretty," Hannah replied, licking at the icing contentedly. Xue was playing with the funny bow on the bulky, awkwardly wrapped gift Jayne had put under the tree for Hannah. "Presents?"

"After you finish your - what am I saying? Have at it," Kate laughed. She leaned against Wash, who was chuckling softly.

"She's going for the big ugly one first, you know," he told her.

"I know."

"That's mine," Jayne said proudly as the little girl tore at the paper.

"Mama," Hannah said with amazement, petting the furry lining and rocking the cradle experimentally. "Whazzat?"

Kate laughed. "Ask Uncle Jayne," she said. "He made it for you all by himself."

"'S a cradle for yer li'l doll," Jayne said, blushing a little. "Or yer kitten, if ya can get it to sit still." Hannah put her hands up, waiting for Jayne to pick her up. When he did, she kissed his nose.

"Tank you," she said solemnly.

The day they'd spent weeks getting ready for was over in a few short hours. Hannah made out like a bandit and was sleeping off the excitement, having finished feeding her kitten with its bottle. River had given her a new baby doll, which was currently napping in the cradle Jayne had made. Mal had forgotten the kitten was supposed to be from Santa, so he ended up giving her a big shiny coin, which her mother told her had to be put away and saved. Kaylee had got her some pretty hair clips and a pair of new shoes to go with her pretty new dress from Inara. It was pink and yellow and made her look like a little flower. Simon got her a few books - mostly faerie tales, but some that were just limericks and fluff. Wash had spent so much time helping Kate with the Santa gifts that he'd more or less forgotten, he realized with horror.

"Relax," Kate smiled when she saw him quietly freaking out. "Your name's on the tags with mine."

"You. You are a brilliant woman," he sighed, relieved. "How could I forget?"

Kate looked at the heap of gifts "Santa" had left, and looked back at him. "Gee, I can't imagine what might have been preoccupying your mind."

"You didn't forget," he pointed out.

"Not my first Christmas playing dual roles," she shrugged. "Granted Hannah was really too little to notice last year, and it was a small Christmas besides, with Michael being gone and us moving in with my brother..."

"Have I mentioned lately my dislike for this man I've never met?" Wash asked. "Because really? I'm not a violent man, but he really makes me want to be. Who throws their sister and her kid out on the street?"

"I'm glad he did," Kate replied, and Wash, who'd been preparing to launch into a tirade, shut his mouth and smiled.

"Me, too."

Kate was silent for a while. "I, um, I got you something." She'd gotten everyone a little something; in most cases it was ingredients for goodies and a promise of whatever their favorite food was, though she'd given Kaylee and Simon some baby things. Things that'd been Hannah's, and Michael's before, and back into Kaylee's family tree.

"You already gave me my present," Wash said, indicating the jar of what looked like trail mix but would soon be oatmeal raisin cookies.

Kate shook her head. "This... I didn't know if it would be appropriate, but Kaylee said you used to - and they're not there anymore, I guess since..." she stopped. "Forget it, it was stupid." She handed him the box anyway. "I just - don't be angry."

Wash opened the small box to find two plastic dinosaurs. "How did you -?"

"Kaylee told me you used to collect them," Kate sighed. "She said you used to keep them on the dash, but then Zoe, and I guess you never - they're antiques."

Wash hadn't put his dinosaurs back up on the console after Zoe had been killed there. It wasn't that he didn't want to, it was just that they'd been swept away in the clean-up and he hadn't seen them again. "They're great," he said, smiling up at her. "Really."

Kate grinned. "You like them? Hannah helped me pick them out. They're supposedly from Earth-that-was, but I think the shopkeeper was blowing smoke, because they're in really good condition."

"I got you something, too," Wash interrupted, amused. "It's, uh, it's not anything useful. It's not really something you need. But, I figure, you're a mom, you deserve something that's frivolous and not needed once in a while, right?" He went over to the tree and pulled out a package wrapped in purple paper.

Kate opened the box and looked confused. She looked up at him, questioningly.

"Inara helped me pick them out," Wash explained. "There's scented soap, shampoo, girly things like that. There's some make-up. Not that you need it, 'cause you don't," he said quickly. His experience with women, limited as it was, told him never to suggest any woman was less than perfect, even if she asked for the truth. "Thought it'd be nice to have."

"Come in handy, too," Mal smirked. "Our next job, she's gonna need to paint herself up real pretty."

"What?" Kate asked, mildly insulted.

"Y'all are. You, River, 'Nara, even Kaylee if she can squeeze her baby bump into the get-up." Mal grinned. "We're goin' to New Vegas."


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"Scary, mama," Hannah sobbed.

"It's okay, baby," Kate soothed. "Uncle Simon's just tearing Uncle Mal a new one, sweetie."

The common room, which had only minute ago been filled with the calm quiet following an exhausting holiday, was now buzzing with anger.

"She's my wife, Mal," Simon shouted. "She's pregnant, for Christ's sake."

"She ain't quite showin' yet," Mal said reasonably. "Outfit should still fit her fine."

"Sending her out on a job could be as good as murder, don't you see?" Simon threw his hands up in the air. "Sometimes I wonder whether you have respect for any human life that's not your own."

"I got respect," Mal said. "I also got respect for the fact that this boat has to keep flyin', an' we can't make that happen 'less we keep workin'."

"Mal, we could live on the sale of the stones for a long while," Wash pointed out. "There's no reason we have to take on another job so soon. We could relax, take it easy for once."

"I ain't lettin' you dress my River up like no common whore," Jayne said darkly. "She ain't common and she sure as hell ain't no whore."

"They ain't gonna be whores," Mal said patiently. "They're gonna be showgirls. 'Nara's already ordered the costumes an' everything."

"Showgirls, huh?" Wash said thoughtfully. "That's, uh, that's quite the mental picture." He cleared his throat. "So, when is this going down?"

"Listen to Daddy defend my honor out there, kiddo," Kate said dryly. "He's really quite the champion, ain't he?"

"Inara is behind you on this?" Simon said, shocked. "I can't believe -"

"It was her idea to head for New Vegas," Mal said smugly. "She's got a friend - former colleague - who's gonna help us with the details, for a cut, but otherwise, this is our job. We ain't workin' for nobody on this. It's all us."

"If anything happens to Kaylee or the baby," Simon warned.

"Will there be a spoon involved?" Mal smirked.

-------

New Vegas was one of two moons that orbited Isis. The moons, called Orleans and New Vegas, were referred to by Isisians as Sodom and Gomorrah. New Vegas was a desert moon, with a single cluster of civilization referred to as The Strip. It was alive with casinoes and hotels, offering free buffets and cheap rooms in hopes you'd gamble away your life savings during your visit. The weather was scorching during daylight and could chill you to the bone at night. Orleans was a wetter heat, an oppressive smothering heat that lingered after the skies had darkened. It was a very sensual place, inhabited by very sensual people. The moons were so-named partly because of their climates and partly because they were settled by expatriates of the cities by similar names back on Earth-that-was, which really explained the cultural similarities.

New Vegas was possibly the only place in the verse you could get hitched and get gone before the Alliance knew a thing, if by chance you happened to be a fugitive, so before Miranda had happened, the thought of visiting there had entered Simon's mind many a time, though he never said a word of it to Kaylee, because at that point he was still too shy and awkward to even kiss her. He'd never actually been, though while he was in MedAcad a group of his classmates had invited him along on their excursion. It was a week until final exams, and he wanted so badly to do well that he'd declined.

Wash had been there a time or two before he'd joined Mal's crew. Like Simon, he'd been invited by classmates, only he'd gone. Wash wasn't the kind who needed to study for his exams to know he was going to pass, as exhibited by his graduating second in his class. He still resented Mr. Universe for hacking the system, though the man was long dead and buried now. Wash had really deserved to be first. His experiences at Vegas were rather blurry, made so by excessive drink and a few strippers too many. When they'd had to bum a ride back to flight school he'd realized why locals referred to it as "No Wages." He'd been back once after that, just before he and Zoe had been married. He called it his lost weekend; he didn't know why he'd done it. There was no doubt he loved Zoe more than life itself, but part of him, the part that made him want to be a flyboy in the first place, wanted to stretch its wings and feel free one last time. Zoe had never asked, and he never offered details on what happened that weekend. There had been another woman - a stripper, and a young one at that - though he couldn't remember her name or even the color of her eyes.

Mal hadn't been to Vegas since before the war, and he reckoned it couldn't have changed much. Booze, gambling and women really didn't vary much from year to year. Maybe the stakes had gotten higher, maybe the women had become looser, but Vegas would always be the same, more or less.

Generally Jayne was game for any place that had booze and loose women, but he was a little worried what might happen if River caught him looking at one of the many strippers or showgirls that pranced around half-naked. He loved that woman more than he loved his Vera, but damn if she didn't scare the shit out of him.

Inara had escorted a client to a poker tournament at the Shining Comet years ago. He'd lost, miserably, and found himself suddenly unable to pay her wage. He'd become drunk and beligerant, and Inara had to wave the Guild to rescue her, despite his protests that what happens on Vegas, stays on Vegas, and it wasn't fair of her to tell. He'd earned a black mark in the client registry.

Kate wasn't proud of the time she'd spent on Vegas. She had been a confused kid of 20, and like so many other confused kids, had run away from culinary school, hitch-hiking from planet to moon, moon to planet and ending up on Vegas. She was scared of where her relationship with Michael was going, she wasn't ready to be married, but there she was with that ring on her finger... She went wild. She'd picked up a job stripping in some dive where the women were known for being a whole lot looser than the slots, and though she'd managed for the most part to maintain her dignity, there were nights she had too much to drink and woke up in the bed of a stranger. Usually alone. She still wondered which of the anonymous bar patrons had really fathered Hannah; after enough tequila they all looked the same. Michael had come for her; he'd searched high and low until he found her, up on the stage with half her clothes off. He'd gone up on the stage, put his own shirt on her, and dragged her all the way home. He was an honorable man, and when she found out, he'd stuck with her, married her, taken on a better job to provide for them... and in the end it had killed him.

-------

"I never been to Vegas," Kaylee squealed. "Is it as excitin' as they make it seem on the Cortex?"

"No." Kate said harshly.

Kaylee looked surprised. "Didn't you go there to work 'fore you an' Michael got married?"

"Yes," Kate answered.

"You could elaborate on that," Simon pointed out.

"Could. Not gonna." She looked up to see Mal enter the kitchen with Hannah on his back. "We need to talk," she told him. "Kaylee? Simon? Mind watching the booger?"

"Not at all," Simon said, watching her with a curious expression.

"I don't see anythin' needs talkin' 'bout," Mal told her as she pulled him out into the corridor. "We're doin' this job. You work for me, you're in."

"I won't," she said firmly. Her voice broke as she said, "I can't." Then there were tears and Mal was at a total loss, not knowing what else to do for the crying woman than pat her back awkwardly.

-------

Supper was... well, no one could really tell what supper was. There was chicken, breaded and baked, but the rest of the meal seemed to be the result of Kate taking a butcher knife and pretending that all the head-shaped vegetables in store were in fact the captain's head. Come to think of it, the chicken wasn't so much cut into nuggets as it was hacked to bits.

Mal wasn't sure what exactly he'd done to incur her wrath, but he made a mental note that once he figured it out, he should never do it again. He preferred his meals to not look... murdered, and he especially preferred his body that way as well. "Look, Kate," he began, stopping the instant she turned her icy glare on him.

"The costumes arrived," Inara said, trying to change the subject. "We're all going to look amazing."

"I can hardly wait," River grinned. Pretty things were becoming a weakness of hers.

"Yes, it's always fun to be degraded and objectified as long as there's money involved," Kate muttered. "Who's going to watch Hannah while we're off prancing around in our undies?" she asked Mal.

"Kaylee could do it," Simon suggested.

Mal sighed and nodded. "Fine, Kaylee will babysit Hannah and Serenity." He clenched his jaw. "Nobody else gets to back out. Simon, Wash, I know you guys don't go on a lot of jobs, but I'm going to need all of you. This isn't gonna be a walk in the park."

"No kidding," Simon laughed humorlessly. "Vegas is a big place, and while it's Alliance-free, every casino there is going to be crawling with security."

"Yep," Mal grinned.

"Kaylee, promise me that when Mal gets the rest of us killed and I finish killing him, you'll raise Hannah as your own," Kate said dryly.

"No one's getting killed," Mal told her. "'Least, none of us."

"Did your mother drop you?" Kate grumbled. "On your head?"

Jayne narrowed his eyes. "This ain't about Mal's plan at all," he said. "There's some kinda reason you ain't keen to go to Vegas, ain't there?" Everyone stared at him "What?"

"Excuse me," Kate said softly. She stood up and left the room. All eyes were on Kaylee.

"She's just my cousin," Kaylee shrugged. "I got no idea what's got her panties in a wad." She sighed. "I'll go talk to her."

-------

"The don't like it when dancers up and quit," Kate told her. "'Specially in the middle of a set. 'Specially being hauled off by a customer. Customer leaves, he ain't payin' for drinks anymore, and if the dancer leaves, nobody's payin' to look at her anymore."

"You were a dancer?" Kaylee looked shocked. "Like, as in, naked?"

Kate nodded. "I ain't proud of it. I did a lot of stupid things when I was on Vegas. Like get myself knocked up."

Kaylee shook her head. "No, Michael wasn't on Vegas with y- oh." She paused. "Ohh."

-------

"You got a fair criminal mind under all that pretty face and frilly clothes," Mal said affectionately. "Wish you could talk sense into Kate. I ain't sure it'd be wise for me to talk to her, bein' that she's got all them big kitchen knives."

"Kaylee's talking to her," Inara smiled. "I'm sure she'll smooth things over. Kaylee's good at that."

Mal sighed. "I ain't sure I can even walk now," he smiled lewdly. "You want somethin' done right, get a professional."

"Former professional," Inara said, poking him. "And you have to walk, because you're not sleeping here. You snore."

-------

"What do you mean, Hannah's not a Frye?" Simon asked, confused.

"Michael ain't her daddy," Kaylee told him. "I don't even know what to think of Kate right now. How could she... I mean, she's not like that, I don't understand -"

"We all do things when we're young that we regret," Simon said gently. "I'm sure Kate feels bad enough about that for the both of you."

"Yeah? What do you regret?"

"Not finding you sooner."

-------

"Now, baby-doll, I swear it, I'll do my best not to look at no one but you, but I can tell ya from experience it ain't gonna be easy. I'd have ta dig my eyes out in order ta miss all the eye-candy." Jayne said carefully.

River shrugged. "You're a man, you'll look. If you touch, I'll break your fingers."

-------

"You gonna talk to me about what happened at dinner?" Wash asked cautiously.

"Hadn't planned on it," Kate sighed. "I don't suppose you're going to leave until I tell you, though, are you?"

"Do you want me to leave?" Wash asked, leaning against the door frame.

She paused. "No."

Taking that as an invitation, Wash walked into her room and sat next to her on the bed. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Kate sighed. "The lowest parts of my life happened on Vegas. I was working at the Lucky Panda -"

"Isn't that a strip bar?"

"It is."

"You were a stripper?" Wash grinned.

Kate glared at him. "I was a stupid kid."

"Sorry, go on. It's just, the mental image - right, shutting up."

"There's really not much else to it, aside from the part where I had way too much to drink, far too many times." She paused, chewing on her lower lip. "I don't even know who Hannah's real father is. It's mostly a blur, but I'm afraid as soon as I see all that blazing neon it's going to come back to me, and I'm not sure I want to remember. What if someone recognizes me?" Kate asked. "I didn't exactly leave on the best of terms."

"We've all got a few skeletons in our closets," Wash told her. "You know we'll all be there for you, right? Even Mal, in his own crotchety, mean old man kind of way."

"He's not letting me off the hook, either," Kate frowned. "So I might as well go up to Inara's shuttle and look at the pretties she bought us."

-------

"Why does Inara need to see me?" Simon asked. "I thought she and the girls were trying on their costumes."

"They are," Mal smirked.

"So?"

"'Nara promised her friend four dancers," Mal told him, barely containing himself. "And since you put Kaylee out of the running..."

"No," Simon said, horrified.

"It is a drag revue, after all," Mal said, mouth twitching. "We should at least give them one o' the real thing."


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"Nobody said anything about a drag show," Simon said, pouting in a chair in the corner of Inara's shuttle.

Inara laughed. "I didn't think it was necessary. No one's going to know we're really women."

"I'm not," Simon pointed out. "And I'm not exactly keen on the idea of dressing as one."

"You'll make an awful pretty girl," Kaylee teased.

Kate was inspecting Simon's face, far too close for his personal comfort. "What? What are you doing?"

"You have amazing skin," Kate said. "No shadow, and it's fairly late; we might not even need to use the cake makeup on him, 'Nara."

"What do you think, girls?" Inara said, holding up two wigs. "Is he a blonde or a redhead?"

"Why me?" Simon whined.

"Mal's the boss, Jayne's too hairy, and Wash hasn't got the hips for it," Kate grinned.

-------

"If'n I didn't know better," Jayne said, watching Wash and Hannah put together a holo-puzzle, "I'd almost think she was yer get for true."

"Huh?" Wash looked up.

"Kid's got yer eyes," Jayne told him. "She's fair like you. Looks more like you than her momma." Jayne grabbed a sandwich and headed for his bunk.

"Man's got a point," Mal said, studying the two closer. "If I didn't know you were married to Zoe when this li'l one was concieved -"

"It's not possible," Wash said suddenly. "Is it? It can't be."

"I'm not going in there," Simon said from the corridor. "No. Ow, Kate. Inara, stop pushing. I'm going to fall off these shoes!"

A very tall, thin blonde stumbled gracelessly into the common room, and Mal just about pissed himself laughing. "Doc, what in hell did you let those women do to ya?" he snickered. Simon made a very lovely woman, as the girls had predicted, and Wash had to do a double-take.

"I didn't let them do anything," Simon said dryly. "This? Is all your doing. Sir," he added sarcastically.

"Not gorram possible," Wash repeated as River, Kate and Inara were ushered into the room by a giggling Kaylee. They were all dressed like Simon, in black and purple lace and vinyl, with over-the-top make-up common to drag acts, and shoes that looked like they were about to snap their ankles. Kate's long hair, rather than being knotted up on her head in a practical bun, hung in a long, dark braid down her back, and something in Wash's brain clicked. "Ta ma de," he muttered. Vague, drink-fogged memories of a dancer he didn't even think was legal, with a long dark braid, came flooding back.

_"I'm getting married," he told the dancer who was straddling his lap, breasts in his face._

_"Congratulations," she replied, with a genuine smile. "I'm avoiding it."_

_Wash took another shot of whiskey. "Buy you a drink?"_

_"Sure," she said, climbing off his lap. "I'm off in a few minutes. Just let me go change."_

_"Shiny."_

_He'd waited, though he had seriously doubted she'd come back, and he was surprised when the girl returned, clad in denim jeans and a hooded sweatshirt, that beautiful long braid pinned up around her head like a crown. He bought her the promised drink - more than one, actually, and at some point they fumbled and stumbled their way to his hotel room._

_"I don't have anything," he told her when it was nearly too late._

_"It's okay," she'd assured him. And in his drunken haze, he'd believed her._

_"I'll just go," she said when they'd finished. She started gathering her clothes and she just looked so lost..._

_"Stay," he said. "It's late, and you must be tired."_

_"I'll be okay," she smiled sadly. "I wish you and your new wife all the happiness in the 'verse." And then she just left. When he woke up in the morning with a hangover the size of Londonium, she was all but forgotten. _

"It just doesn't make sense," Wash said, staring at Kate. "How old is Hannah?"

"Almost three," Kate said, looking at him strangely. "Why?"

"I just... there's no way, but... Kate - the Lucky Panda?"

"Yeah," she said, blushing.

"Almost four years ago?"

"Three and a half, yeah," Kate said. "What are you getting at?"

Wash looked at Hannah, who was happily piecing together the puzzle they'd been working on, and then back at her mother. "I told you I was getting married," he said. "You said you were avoiding it."

Kate blinked. "This is insanity."

"I said I didn't have anything, and you said it was okay."

"I thought it was," she said quietly.

"Obviously it wasn't," Wash said, throwing his hands in the air. "Obviously I've been a father for almost three years and I'm just finding out about it now."

Mal popped a piece of candy into his mouth. "Just like goin' to the theatre," he commented, earning a glare from Inara. "Cheaper, though," he added, "an' I ain't gotta dress up. Though it does look like Simon's got that covered for me."

"Don't you think I deserved to know?" Wash asked.

"What do you want from me?" Kate demanded. "You didn't even give me your real name, _Steven._"

"Mama," Hannah said, breaking the tension in the room. "Unca Simon pretty."

-------

"That sure was interestin'," Kaylee said brightly.

"Interesting is not the word I'd use for it," Kate sighed, wiping off the heavy makeup with a cloth. "How? How was I supposed to know? What are the odds, really?"

River opened her mouth to speak.

"That was rhetorical," Kate snapped. She closed her eyes. "I'm sorry, River."

"River, _mei-mei_, you're supposed to be psychic, you didn't see this coming?" Kaylee asked.

River smiled enigmatically. "Sometimes it's more fun to see things play out the way they were meant to than to meddle. I dislike meddling."

Inara sighed. "It's very romantic, don't you think?"

Kate looked at her with a funny expression. "Not really. We were drunk. He was about to get married to the love of his life and I was hiding from mine. Where's the romance?"

"Not that," Inara shook her head. "A fleeting encounter years ago creates a beautiful child who, in the end, brings you back together as though it were meant to be."

"I've been tellin' her to lay off the soap operas," Mal said, coming in to fix himself a snack.

"We're not together," Kate insisted. "Right now I'm not even sure we're friends."

-------

"Told ya she looked like you," Jayne said. "But ain't it strange."

"It's just going to be a little prick, sweetie," Simon told Hannah. "Daddy will hold your hand."

"I'm right here, baby," Wash told her. She didn't even wince as Simon took her blood sample. He covered the spot with a pink cartoon bandage.

"In a couple hours, we'll know for sure," Simon told Wash.

"Doesn't really matter," Wash said. "I'm her Daddy either way."

"I can't believe you was playin' around on Zoe," Jayne said. "That woman was the only person I was ever scairt of. 'Cept River."

"I wasn't -" Wash began. "What are you even doing in here? This is between me, my daughter and her doctor." He flared his nostrils. "I wasn't playing around on Zoe. I would never do that. It was... I just... I can't explain it. I was just trying to spread my wings one last time. I had no intention of bedding a stripper!"

"Booze'll do that," Jayne said, almost sympathetically.

"So?" Kate asked eagerly as Simon came into the common area.

-------

"The results aren't ready yet," he said apologetically. "Hannah and Wash are on the bridge. You should go see them."

"Think he really wants to see me?" Kate asked.

"He's just angry," Simon replied. "And not with you, with himself. He's feeling very guilty for cheating on Zoe. He still loves her very much."

"How was I supposed to let him know, Simon?" Kate asked. "He told me his name was Steven. Do you know how many Stevens there are in the system?"

"Not a few," Simon nodded. "And even if you'd waved them all, none of them would have been him. He'll see reason, Kate."

"You do know you haven't washed your face yet, don't you?" Kate smirked. It was desperately hard to keep a straight face talking to him, tarted up as he was.

-------

"No wonder you love to fly," Wash smiled affectionately down at his daughter, who was playing pilot again. Her new doll was riding shotgun. "What do you think, kiddo? Think you're a Washburne?"

"I would have told you," Kate said softly. "If I'd known how to reach you."

"And what about when you first came on board?" Wash asked, careful not to raise his voice.

"I didn't recognize you," Kate scoffed. "One night, almost four years ago, drunk off my gourd and you expect me to take a look at you and go, hey, you're that guy who knocked me up?"

Wash looked at her; he could see there were tears forming in her eyes. "Kate -"

"I've known you long enough to know you're an honorable man," Kate smiled. "I know you would've done right by us if you'd known."

"You're not angry with me?"

"Me?" Kate laughed. "You didn't realize it at the time, but you gave me the best gift in the 'verse. My baby girl. And I wouldn't want to take away the time you had with Zoe or the time I had with Michael for all the platinum in the 'verse."

"So where do we go from here?" Wash asked her.

She shrugged. "We could try another date."

-------

"You're still wearin' it," Mal pointed out.

"Yes, I am," Inara smiled.

"You still ain't told me yes," he said.

"Haven't I?"

"Not in so many words, no."

"Hmm." Inara pretended to contemplate this. "I can't seem to recall you ever actually asking me a question."

Mal raised an eyebrow. "No? Well, I can fix that." He hitched up his pants and got down on one knee. "Inara Serra, you are the most beautiful, most infuriating woman in the entire 'verse, an' the only one crazy enough an' patient enough to put up with the likes o' me. Would you do me the honor of bein' my wife?"

"When you put it like that," she grinned, "I might just have to rethink that yes."

-------

"Stop lookin' at me."

"I know something you don't know," River sang.

Kaylee scowled. "Quit it. We don't wanna know yet. An' if you keep starin' at my belly I'm gonna get self-conscious."

"Okay," River said evenly. "If I can't look at them, can I at least talk to them?"

"Oh, fine," Kaylee sighed. "Wha - them?"


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"Ooh!" Kaylee squealed. "He got down on his knee an' everythin'?"

Inara nodded, obviously pleased.

"You told him yes, didn'tcha?"

Inara hesitated. "I didn't exactly say no."

"You didn't exactly say no when he gave you the ring, either," Kate pointed out, crushing protein crackers for meatloaf. "Eventually you're going to have to answer him. He's not going to wait forever."

"Isn't he?" River asked. "The captain may be impatient at times but he's certainly been waiting for you a long time."

"River's got a point," Kaylee frowned, "but it'd sure be shiny to have another weddin' onboard. An' it ain't really fair to keep stringin' him along like you have been."

"I'm not... stringing him along," Inara said defensively. "I just don't want to rush things."

"Life's short," Kate said, a little sadly. "You find a man who loves you as much as Mal does, you marry him before someone else does."

"Like you're gonna do with Wash?" Kaylee teased.

"Like I did with Michael," Kate frowned. "Like you did with Simon."

Kaylee glanced at River. "What about you, _mei-mei_? Are you gonna wed that big ol' beefy merc of ours?"

River wrinkled her nose. "Marriage isn't a state of mind, it's simply a legal arrangement. Jayne and I are together in the ways that count."

"Just a legal arrangement?" Kate said. "Where'd you get an idea like that?"

River shrugged. "My parents were married, but they weren't in love. I don't even think they liked each other most of the time."

"Musta liked each other some," Kaylee giggled. "They got two kids."

River made a face. "Despite compelling evidence to the contrary, I like to think my parents reproduced asexually."

-------

"And?" Simon asked.

Mal looked pained. "And what?"

"What did she say?" Wash hissed. "Out with it."

"Aw, she prolly said no," Jayne snickered. "Fancy lady like her might like to slum it a little, but she ain't gonna take yer name an' have yer babies."

Mal shot Jayne a glare. "An' what in Hades do you think River's doin' with you?"

Jayne's mouth flapped shut. "Ain't the same..." he muttered under his breath.

"She ain't took the ring off yet," Mal said optimistically. "That's gotta be good for somethin', right?"

"It's a start," Wash agreed.

Simon started to say something, but Jayne interrupted. "Jus' means you found a pretty she ain't wantin' to part with," he scowled.

Mal clenched his jaw. "Did it sound like I was talkin' to you, the one man on this ship ain't never been married an' ain't tryin' to be?"

"Who says I ain't tryin'?" Jayne said. "Ain't my fault the doc's folks screwed up his sister so bad she don't believe in marriage."

"What?" Simon asked. "Did she tell you that?"

Jayne nodded. "She said she don't never wanna get married, 'cause your folks was married an' they was miserable. Now maybe someday I'll get to changin' her mind, but that sister o' yours is one powerful stubborn woman."

"You asked my sister to marry you?"

-------

Xue was hunting. She was being about as stealthy as a kitten can be, being mostly limbs and fur, with not much more than spun sugar for brains. Her prey, though, was completely unaware.

It just kept... wiggling. And for a kitten, wiggling is irresistable. She scrunched down, wiggled her little butt and pounced!

"_Liou coe shuai du biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh ur-tze_!" Mal cursed, pulling his stockinged foot out from under the table. It still had a small kitten attached.

Simon and Wash had the decency not to laugh, the latter even retrieving the offending feline from the captain's foot, but Jayne was laughing so hard he thought he might split open his gut wound again. "Damn smart cat," Jayne chuckled.

"Gorram beast," Mal grumbled. "Ungrateful little bastard, I rescued you! You was gonna be somebody's dinner, ya know."

"Mrow?" Xue said, dangling from Wash's hand by the scruff of her neck.

"Y'know, technically she ain't a bastard," Jayne pointed out. "Bein' that she's got girl parts an' all. River told me," he explained when he got funny looks from the others.

"Amusing as this has been," Simon said, "Wash and I have some business to attend to in the infirmary. Did you want to fetch Kate, or should I?" He directed this last at Wash.

"I'll get her," he said. "We'll be right along." He plopped the kitten into Jayne's lap and the big mercenary started to stroke its fur absently, not noticing the look Mal was giving him."

"Traitor," Mal muttered. "I'm going to go put shoes on."

-------

"What was he like?" Kaylee asked eagerly. "I bet he's all fuzzy."

"Covered in golden down," River agreed, pulling the image from Kate's memory.

"I don't remember," Kate said. It wasn't a lie, entirely; she really had very little memory of the night her daughter was conceived. "Hannah's going to be up from her nap any minute, I should -"

"I'll get her," River volunteered. "When she's up. She's still dreaming."

"You gotta at least remember was it good or bad?" Kaylee insisted.

Inara laughed. "Leave the poor woman alone."

"Good," Kate admitted. "It was good. But that's really the only detail I can recall."

Wash stopped outside the doorway to eavesdrop a moment.

"He was really sweet, and gentle. That's what set him apart from the other, um, indescretions I made during my time on Vegas." Kate smiled softly. "I looked for him for a long time. To tell him about Hannah, or maybe just to see him again."

"He stuck in your craw," Kaylee said.

"Kind of," Kate grinned. "Not like he has been lately, though. That man has gotten under my skin -"

"Ladies," Wash greeted, winking at River, who'd known he was there but hadn't given him away. "Kate, Simon needs us in the infirmary."

"The test?" She asked; he nodded. "Let's go, then."

On the way to the infirmary, Wash took her hand, and Simon smiled when he saw them come in, hands clasped. "Are you ready?" the doctor asked.

Wash nodded. The smile on Simon's face grew. "Congratulations, Mr. Washburne, it's a girl."

"I'm a dad?" Wash said, grinning with glee, mingled with disbelief. "I'm a dad."

"I could have told you that without the test," Simon laughed. "But sometimes it helps to know for sure."

-------

"We're the only ones who've never done it before," River commented to Jayne and Hannah. Hannah was sharing her banana chips with her uncle, though some of them were thrown rather than passed politely, which amused Jayne as much as it did Hannah. River frowned at them disapprovingly.

"Feisty little one," Jayne said affectionately, referring to Hannah. "Never done what, River-girl?"

"Been married," she sighed. "Kate's been married, Wash has been married. Kaylee and Simon are married, Mal and Inara will be married. Are we missing something?"

Jayne shrugged. "I figure you're probably right when you say we're together in the ways as counts, but it's amazin' how much that piece of paper and a few words mean to some folk. Where I come from, you get a girl with child and don't wed her you're in for it. Man can raise the child an' be a good daddy, an' it means nothin' if he ain't married to the momma. Man can knock up a girl, marry her an' leave her to fend for herself an' he's considered the better man. Ain't right."

"What would your motivation be," River asked him, "if we were to wed?"

Jayne looked confused. "Love? What else is there?" He paused. "Oh, no, River, you ain't -"

"No, not pregnant," she assured him. "You have answered correctly. You earn a kiss." She sat herself down in his lap and gave him a proper kiss. They both laughed when they heard the toddler's "Ewww!"

"This mean you changed your mind?" Jayne asked, hopefully.

"Not yet," she told him, "but I'm thinking about it."

-------

"Good meatloaf," Jayne grunted around a half-chewed mouthful. Several others mumbled their agreement. Wash was poking his meatloaf with his fork. He never really had liked meatloaf, even with real breadcrumbs, and he knew Kate had put protein crackers in this instead.

"Drown it in ketchup," Kate advised, noticing the slight wrinkle to his nose. "That's what your daughter does."

Wash brightened. "She doesn't like meatloaf either?" He grinned. "What else does she do like me?"

Hannah held the ketchup bottle precariously over Wash's plate with both hands and upturned it, succeeding not only in dousing her father's meatloaf with the tomato sauce, but also his coveralls and his face in the process.

"She's funny," Kaylee grinned, "jus' like her daddy."

"It's a rare occasion I stoop to prop comedy," Wash laughed, "but given she's still working on full sentences, I'll make an exception for her."

-------

"Yes."

"Huh?" Mal had been half asleep, staring at the book on his desk. It wasn't terribly interesting, considering the title was "The Independants' Last Stand: The Battle of Serenity Valley." It was fairly controversial, because the author was clearly an Independant sympathizer; it had been his Christmas gift from Inara.

"Is the book that engrossing, or that dull?" Inara laughed.

"Oh, no, I'm just tired," he covered. "What'd you say a minute ago?"

"I said, yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes."

"Yes, as in yes, yes? The big yes?"

"Yes," Inara laughed. She found herself being swept up off the floor and swung around in a circle by a whooping captain. He set her down and kissed her eagerly.

When they parted, he calmed his demeanor and replied, "Well, all right then."

-------

"She's asleep," Wash told Kate. "It's really sweet; Xue is sleeping on the pillow by her head. Well, I say sleeping, but she was still purring, so I think she's probably still awake." He sat down on the edge of Kate's bed, where she was sitting indian-style and from a cor-vue pad. She grinned up at him, and he felt warm inside like he hadn't felt in quite a while. "So about that date..."

"Won't be at Vegas until the day after tomorrow, you said," Kate said, turning off the computer pad and setting it aside.

"True," Wash admitted. "We could always pretend."

Kate laughed. "You've been spending too much time with Hannah."

"No, come on, stay with me, here." Wash had an adorable look of childhood innocence. "We've got a huge, empty cargo bay down there, it could be anyplace we wanted it to be. It could be... a ballroom. Or, a roller-skating rink?"

"Do you have skates?" she laughed.

"No," he admitted after a moment's thought. "But we could pretend."

"You're insane."

"Yeah," he grinned. "It's fun."

She smiled at him, one of those smiles he remembered Zoe giving him when he was being silly. It said both "I love you" and "you're an idiot" at the same time, and it was almost always followed with... yep, there it was. The kiss. When they parted, he could see her eyes sparkling. "Let's go dancing, then," she giggled.

-------

"'Nara," Mal asked casually on their way back to her shuttle. "Do I see what I think I see?"

"Possibly," she said cautiously, peering down into the cargo bay and stifling a grin.

"Why are my cook and my pilot doing the cha-cha in my cargo bay?"

"Technically, Mal, that's not the -"

Mal sighed. "You an' me are the only ones ain't lost our senses." He studied her a minute. "Strike that, you just agreed to marry me. I'm the only one ain't taken leave of my senses."

The Mandarin:

_Liou coe shuai du biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh ur-tze_! - Salivating son of a bitch and a monkey!


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored.**

"Forget them," Inara urged.

"Whole gorram crew," Mal whinged. "Everyone's goin' space crazy."

"I certainly must be, if I've signed on to marry the king of the crybabies," Inara chided. "What's this really about?"

"He - he ain't bein' true," Mal sighed. "To Zoe. To her memory. He's down there dancin' with Kate, an' I think I saw kissin', an' where there's kissin' there's likely gonna be sexin', 'cause it ain't like they never been intimate before."

Inara sighed. This was going to be a long night, in any case, but she'd hoped for a long night of celebrating. "Zoe's gone, Mal. She's not coming back."

"I know it," Mal frowned. "They never do. But it just don't seem right."

"He's alone," Inara said softly. "She's alone. Don't you think it's right that they should be alone... together? Especially since they share a child."

"I suppose it ain't right a man should be alone when there's a woman warm and willin'," Mal conceded. "But it still just don't feel right."

-------

"Are you gonna invite me in?" Wash asked. He'd walked Kate back to her room after their "date."

"It's only our second date," she said coyly. "Goodnight, Wash."

He settled for a kiss. "Good night. Sweet dreams."

Her dreams weren't exactly sweet, but neither were they nightmares. She dreamed of a tall, dark woman, exotically beautiful and clearly intimidating.

_"Kate," the woman said. "Kathryn Angela Frye." _

"Yes?" Kate replied, confused. "Zoe?"

Zoe nodded. "Take care of him, hear? He's a good man, an' he deserves to be treated good. Do right by him."

"I -" Kate blinked. "How?"

"You gave him the one thing he wouldn't let me give him," Zoe told her. "That's a start."

-------

"Zoe?"

"Hush, baby," she told her husband. "You didn't think I wouldn't check up on ya from time to time, did ya?"

Wash smiled. "How'm I doing?"

"You're a daddy," she smiled back. "I always knew you'd be a good one."

"Zoe, I -" he began.

"I know, baby. I figured somethin' done happened on Vegas the way you made it up to me after." She grinned. "You let that little girl o' yours an' her momma take care of ya, dong ma_?" _

"Kate?" Wash shook his head disbelievingly. "You're - you're okay with that? With her?"

"I want you to be happy, baby, an' I can't be the one to make that happen from where I'm at." Zoe smiled sadly. "Someday maybe we'll be together again, but it ain't gonna be for a long while, an' you got a whole lotta livin' left to do."

-------

"Captain."

"Zoe." Mal wasn't surprised to see her in his dreams, since he'd been thinking on her so much that day. "How's death treatin' ya?"

"Just fine," Zoe smiled wryly. "Ain't quite so much fun as bein' alive, but I got a whole lot less bullet holes this way."

"Payin' me a visit special, or makin' the rounds?" Mal asked.

"Little o' both," Zoe replied. "Kate an' Wash been real iffy about things, but not so iffy as you been. He ain't betrayin' me, sir. I'm dead an' buried but he's still a livin' man."

"I ain't gonna like it none," Mal frowned.

"You lie," Zoe grinned. "Ain't that woman been feedin' you well? An' ain't that little girl brightened up your ship? An' your life?"

"Reckon that's so," Mal admitted.

"Crew o' Serenity's a family," Zoe told him. "Family's always got room for one more."

-------

"Zoe!" Kaylee called, excited. "I thought you was -"

"I am."

"Then what -"

"You're dreamin'."

"Oh," the younger woman said sadly. "It ain't been the same since you been gone."

"Way of the 'verse, li'l Kaylee," Zoe said affectionately. "I hear you an' Simon done good."

"We're married," Kaylee admitted shyly. "An' we're havin' babies."

"Two of 'em," Zoe agreed. "You'll name one for me an' one for the preacher, just like you said?"

"Cross my heart."

-------

"You're not really here."

"That's so."

"You're a figment of my imagination, my subconscience." River cocked her head. "What do you want?"

"I'm just checkin' up on everyone," Zoe smiled. "You're doin' good, way I hear it."

"I - there are fewer psychotic breaks. She... I'm learning not to disassociate. There are meds, and -"

"And there's Jayne."

River nodded.

"Take care o' that ol' ho-tze de pi-gu_ for me, little River. Somebody's got to." _

-------

"All the king's horses and all the king's men," Simon sighed. "I sound like River."

"I know you done tried to fix me," Zoe told him gently. "I was too broke, for too long. There wasn't nothin' left to save."

"It's what I do," Simon frowned. "What good am I if I can't keep my own family safe?"

Zoe smiled, real wide, and Simon realized again what a beautiful woman she was. "It ain't the doin' that counts, doc. It's the carin' enough to try."

-------

"Comin' back to haunt me?" Jayne grinned. "Or is this one o' them naughty dreams what lands me in that special hell the preacher was always talkin' about?"

"What in God's name are you goin' on about, Jayne Cobb?"

"You don't know, I ain't gonna tell ya." He paused. "What's it like to be dead?"

"You don't know, I ain't gonna tell ya," Zoe replied. "An' you best not find out any time soon, neither. I hear you still can't manage to stay out the way of bullets."

"Workin' on it, woman. These things take time."

Zoe smiled. "Somehow I always knew I'd die before I ever had a civilized conversation with you. I guess I don't gotta tell ya to take care of River?"

Jayne shook his head. "No power in the 'verse could stop me."

-------

"I hear congratulations are in order," Zoe said quietly. "Though I don't know whether it's you or the captain I should be congratulatin'."

"Zoe," Inara said warmly. "I think both of us."

"Been a long time comin'," Zoe said. "I was startin' to think you two'd never figure it out."

"Well, for a companion, my aptitude never did seem to lie with romance," Inara blushed. "It seems I can only read a man when I don't care what it is that I find in his eyes."

"Now you know," Zoe said, satisfied. "An' don't you forget it. You ground him, 'Nara, an' he needs that."

"I need him, too," Inara admitted. "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts, so to speak."

"Reckon that's so."

-------

"Hey there, baby girl," Zoe smiled, hoping she looked more friendly than intimidating. But then again, this child was fond of her uncle Jayne, so she couldn't be too easily intimidated.

"Who dat?" Hannah asked, sticking a chubby finger into her mouth.

"I'm somebody who loves your daddy a whole lot, Hannah," the woman told the toddler. "An' that means I love you, 'cause you're part of him. You ain't never gonna meet me, not in this life, but I wanted to get a feel for who you're gonna be, so I'll know ya when I meet ya in the next."

"Pretty," Hannah sighed. "Love."


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"Oatmeal?" Jayne groaned at breakfast, resting his feet on the table.. "That ain't nice. Don't you like us none, Kate?"

"Can't stand a one of you," she said evenly. "Eat it or go without."

"There's jam in the cupboard," River said, rolling her eyes. "Don't be such a baby. Studies have shown that daily consumption of a bowl of oatmeal can lower blood cholesterol, and it has a high content of complex carbohydrates and fiber which encourage slow digestion and stable blood-glucose levels. Also, the fiber will help keep you regular."

"River," Simon sighed. "We know you're brilliant. Can't you ever just eat something and not teach a lecture on it?"

River narrowed her eyes and stuck her tongue out at her brother.

"Now, now, children, none o' that at my table," Mal said, casually knocking Jayne's feet off the table. "Hey, you want I should put my boots where you eat?"

"Ooh, gruel," Wash said, rubbing his hands together. "Look, she even put in cockroaches for authenticity."

"Raisins, dada," Hannah told him, laughing.

"Is that what they are?" He picked one out with his fingers and inspected it closely. "Hmm. I don't see any eyes... no legs... you must be right."

"I'd tell you to stop playing with your food if I thought you'd listen," Inara said, smiling at the picture the two of them made. "Why oatmeal, Kate?"

"As it happens, oatmeal is one o' the most healthsome foods you can have for breakfast," Mal said, "which is why I'll be havin' a bowl o' Jayne's amazin' technicolor dream cereal."

"We ran out of powdered egg substitute two days ago, and what's left of the bread was too mouldy to feed to humans," Kate explained. "Jayne, you're welcome to help yourself to some toast if you like."

"Saucy," Wash grinned, turning to Mal. "Isn't she saucy?"

"Saucy, sure," Mal said absently, pouring himself a bowl of brightly colored sugar cereal and ignoring the look of disgust on Kate's face.

"Anyhow, it's oatmeal for breakfast until we dock at New Vegas day after tomorrow," Kate continued. "On the bright side, I can do amazing things with protein; you won't even know that's what you're eating."

"Except, you told us," Simon pointed out.

"Except I told you," Kate agreed. "Come on, eat up. This stuff only gets thicker as it cools."

"You mean," River said with a wrinkled nose, "breakfast is going to congeal?"

-------

"Well," Kate sighed, pulling a clump of congealed oatmeal out of her hair, "that was a disaster."

"Jayne started it," Wash said innocently. "Everything I did was in self-defense. Or in defense of you and our child."

"You tipped the whole pot over his head." Kate was unable to smother the smile that burst forth from her lips. "He did look funny, dripping with it, though, didn't he?"

"You were more or less untouched until he shook off," Wash agreed. "Then everyone got covered."

"At least Hannah's washed up. Now I can worry about myself. Ugh, it's drying," Kate groaned. "I'm seriously thinking, not for the first time, about cutting my hair short. This braid took a long time to grow out, but with a toddler it's just not practical."

"And if you were going to have more kids, it would just become more of a hassle," Wash added casually.

"More kids?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Wash shrugged, grinning. "Hannah's been asking for a baby brother or sister."

Kate studied him for a minute. Then, as though she'd found the answer she'd been seeking, she reached into one of her trunks, coming up with a mean-looking pair of shears. She took hold of her oatmeal-crusted braid and cut it right off, around shoulder length. "There," she said, breathing a sigh of relief and shaking her remaining hair free. "I'll have Kaylee or Inara even it out later, but at least now it won't take half an hour just to shampoo it."

Wash gaped. "You just - you - your hair -"

Kate smiled at him. "You said it yourself, if I'm going to have more kids..."

Wash closed his mouth, a smile spreading across his face. "So that shampooing you were talking about. I don't suppose you'd need a hand with that?"

Kate cocked her head to the side, considering. "Kaylee?" She called out the door.

"Yeah?" came the reply.

"Keep an eye on Hannah for me?"

"Sure!"

"Excellent."

-------

Hannah and River were curled up on the couch next to Kaylee, talking to the babies. It wasn't disturbing, really, until you noticed that River was actually responding to Hannah in the same gibberish the little girl was uttering to Kaylee's tummy. Kaylee looked rather perplexed, but had a good-natured smile on her face when Simon entered the common area. "Heya, Dr. Feelgood," Kaylee grinned.

"Hey, sweetheart. Where's Kate?" Simon asked, looking around as though he expected her to appear instantly.

"In the shower, I think," Kaylee replied. "Why?"

"Well, Xue just dragged this," he said, holding up an oatmeal-crusted braid in illustration, "into our bunk, and I have a feeling Kate is probably missing it. I mean, I'm sure she knows it's no longer attached to her, but -"

"She'll probably wanna hold onto it, yeah," Kaylee said, in awe. "Kate cut her hair off? She's been growin' that since we was kids. You should give it to Wash to hang onto it for her," she suggested.

"Okay," Simon said, "but I just came from the bridge, and he wasn't there. Any ideas?"

"Not a clue," Kaylee said, shaking her head. "River?"

"They're saving water," River told them with a wicked grin.

Kaylee giggled. "So that's what they're callin' it these days."

"Seems more to me they're wastin' water," Mal commented as he came in. "Been in there near an hour, an' you can't tell me either one of 'em's dirty enough - it ain't funny," he said, glaring at Kaylee and River, who were giggling.

"Perhaps a rephrasing is in order," Simon said quickly, smothering a snicker. "Any cleaning they needed to do is likely done. However -"

"They can 'however' in one o' their bunks an' save the water for the rest of us folk," Mal grumbled. "Ain't like they're the only two people on the gorram ship."

"Right now they are," River said dreamily.

-------

"If I'm the father, you're the mother," Mal muttered, and Inara struggled to catch what he was saying. "The mother's the one that does the sex talks, an' you know all about sex, so it fits."

"What?" the former companion laughed. "What are you talking about?"

"Go tell your gorram kids to quit foolin' around in my showers. Other people have to use those, you know, an' it ain't like we can drill a new well when the water runs dry," Mal scowled. "Ain't it some kinda biohazard?"

"What's a biohazard?" Inara asked, doing everything she could to stifle her rising laughter. "Mal, in English, please."

"Gorram pilot," Mal ground out, "is sexin' the ruttin' cook. In the showers!"

"Mal," Inara sighed. "Stop worrying about those two. Personally, I think it's been a long time coming, if you'll pardon the turn of phrase."

"This just don't sit well," he insisted. "Don't care what you or Zoe says, I'm gonna drag my heels the whole way on this one."

"You're being a child about this," Inara said. "Don't you realize how utterly pointless all this fussing is? And, does it really make you feel better to keep grumbling about it?"

"Yes," Mal said stubbornly.

-------

"I didn't know your hair was curly," Wash marvelled, as Kate toweled said hair. "How did I not know your hair is curly?"

"It's not, when it's long," Kate replied. "And, you know, tamed."

"Untamed," he repeated. "I like that. You should be untamed more often."

Kate stared at him a moment, then laughed at his dazed expression. "And you should hang bottom-up from the towel rack to get some of that blood circulating back to your brain."

"No, really," he protested. "You look so much younger - which, really? Makes me feel a little like a dirty old man. And it's not just your hair, you just look -" Wash paused. "You look -"

"Post-coital?" she smirked. "Next time Zoe stops by in my sleep I'll have to ask her if you were always chatty after sex, or if it's a recent development."

"It still creeps me out just the tiniest bit that we both dreamed about my wife on the same night," Wash said.

Kate shrugged. "Kaylee did, too, and Simon. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say she paid everyone a visit."

"You think?" Wash looked thoughtful. "You think she met Hannah?"

"Well," Kate considered. "There's not really any way to be sure unless Hannah either has a phenomenal memory or develops a phenomenal vocabulary very soon. Which, having Simon and River around, is not entirely impossible. But yeah, I think she probably wanted to see how everyone was doing, but she also wanted to make sure I was an okay person, and meet the child of the man she loves."

"So," Wash said. "Instead of meeting the parents you had to meet the spouse. That had to be awkward."

"Not really," Kate said, pulling a large towel around herself for the walk back to her room. "She was - I want to say serene, but also very kind. And she was gorgeous; you must have excellent taste." She turned and headed out into the hallway, leaving a surprised Wash behind.

"Finally," Jayne huffed as she passed him in the corridor. "Thought you was gonna be in there all damn day. I got oatmeal in places I didn't know I got - Gorramit, Wash, can't you put a towel on like normal folk?"


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"What are we callin' this?" Mal asked, poking his plate with his fork.

"We're calling it spaghetti," Kate replied. "Are you going to eat it, or are you waiting for it to eat you?"

Mal looked up. Everyone had cleaned their plates and left, except Wash, who was pushing sauce-covered balls of protein around his plate, and Hannah, who was picking her nose in earnest. "Ain't talkin' 'bout the food," he said crinkling his nose, "though I admit I weren't sure."

Kate sighed. "What were you talking about then?"

Mal frowned. "This whole... thing. With the kissin' an' dancin', an' the sexin', an' the whole new hairdo -"

"It's not a thing," Kate replied. "There's no... thing."

"Clearly there is, or we wouldn't be having this very engaging conversation," Wash said dryly. He reached over to pull his daughter's finger out of her nose. "Not at the dinner table, and use a tissue when you do," he told her.

"Your hair looks nice," Mal said grudgingly. "'Nara told me to say somethin' nice to ya, 'fore I start gettin' on ya about the whole... thing."

"Thank you," Kate said tersely. "But there is no 'thing'." She continued putting the dirty dishes into the dishwasher Kaylee'd begged for - and gotten - nearly the minute she found out she was pregnant. There was no sound but the clatter of dishes for a few moments.

"Well," Wash said. "As rewarding as this chat has been, I'm gonna take the munchkin and get her cleaned up for bed."

"Thanks, Wash," Kate said, giving him a brilliant smile as he left. "Okay, Mal, I can just hear the gears in your head going. Let me have it."

"Ain't that simple," Mal began. "I don't rightly know where to start."

"You and Zoe were friends," she said. "Close friends. Best friends. War buddies, and beyond. I understand that. You feel like I'm taking something that's rightfully hers, and I understand that, too." Kate continued. "Is there anything more to it than that?"

"The showers," Mal said, matter-of-factly. "Can't go around sexin' in the showers all night and day."

Kate snorted. "That's what put a bee in your bonnet? If you knew half the places Kaylee and Simon -"

"That's more'n enough of that conversation right there," Mal said. "Your point's been made."

"River's really flexible, I bet she and Jayne-"

"Kate!"

"Inara seems like she could be real inventive," Kate grinned. "We could all start competing, to see who's -"

"Enough, woman," Mal growled. "I'll finish my supper in my bunk."

-------

"You ready for the job, Papa Tam? We're gettin' closer to New Vegas every minute." Kaylee asked Simon. "I know you didn't much like gettin' squeezed into all them pretties, but..."

"I did enjoy the aftermath," he admitted. "I don't know, though. I did make a frighteningly good-looking woman; Mother and Father would be so proud," he said dryly.

Kaylee laughed, snorting a little and causing them both to fall into a fit of laughter.

Kaylee's stomach grumbled, and she stopped laughing a moment. "Allie an' Derry are still hungry. Let's go see if I can't guilt Kate into makin' somethin' yummy for a snack."

-------

"Sounds like you had a productive talk," Inara laughed. "You're terrible, you know that, right?"

"I couldn't help myself," Kate frowned, frustrated. "I had every intention of having a serious conversation, but he's so easy to wind up that it's just an unfair temptation."

"And you're feeling slightly giddy from this morning," Inara added for her. "And it's just so much fun to get his goat when you're in a good mood and he's grouching around about something."

Kate grinned. "This morning was..."

"Ooh, details?" Kaylee asked, dragging Simon along. "I want details. I also want food, so if you're feelin' like you could maybe fix us a snack, Katie..."

Simon held his hands up defensively. "Us means Kaylee and Alleyne and Derrial. I don't fit into this particular us."

Kate scowled. "Kaywinnet Lee Tam, you know damn well where I hide the cookies."

Kaylee clapped her hands like a delighted child. "You don't have to tell me twice," she grinned. "Now, details."

Simon winced. "Not too many details, please. I do have to look Wash in the face, you know."

Kate looked thoughtful. "Let me run a theory by you, guys." She chewed on her lip. "Never mind. I... it needs revision."

Kaylee eyed her cousin skeptically between bites of oatmeal raisin chocolate chip cookie. "You ain't havin' doubts already," she frowned. "Gorramit, Katie, y'all took forever to get as far as you have, now ain't the time to start back-pedallin'."

Inara agreed. "You've been dancing around eachother for weeks now. Not as long as these two -" she was indicating Simon and Kaylee.

"- or Inara and Mal," Simon interrupted, with a pointed look.

"But still, the two of you should know better than anyone else not to waste valuable time worrying and rethinking when you could be with the one you love," Inara continued.

Kate looked up at her. "Love?" she asked softly. "Is that what it is, really? Or is it convenience?" She frowned. "I need to go pick up Hannah's room," she said by way of excuse, leaving Kaylee, Simon and Inara staring at her back as she left.

Simon blinked, then looked to his wife and the former Companion for an explanation. "What was that?"

-------

"Jayne," River called, "where are you?" They were playing; she could feel him getting closer, and giggled when he swooped her up into his arms.

"You ain't foolin' me," he laughed. "I know you can tell just where I am."

River pouted. "It's more fun this way."

"I ain't arguin' that point," Jayne said. "But it ain't exactly a fair game. You can always tell where I am, an' you always know the last place I'm gonna look for ya. It ain't that you're cheatin', you just can't help winnin'." He paused, a thoughtful look on his face, which was a foreign concept to most on the ship except River. "How long we gonna be at New Vegas?" he asked, and River grinned.

"Long enough to make a killing. Of the monetary variety," she added, to be clear.

-------

"Hannah-banana," Wash said calmly. "It's seriously jammie time. Daddy is not kidding this time, sweetie."

Hannah blinked innocently up at her father. "No, dada," she said in a pleading tone. "No bed."

Wash could feel his resolve collapsing as he looked down into those puppy-dog eyes. "Hannah -"

"Hannah Bianca Fr - Washburne, are you giving your father a hard time?" Kate asked, with that no-nonsense look only mothers can fully manage.

Hannah shook her head solemnly. "No, mama."

Kate raised her eyebrow. "Then why aren't you in those jammies yet?"

Hannah paused. "Kitty, mama."

Wash snorted. Was she blaming the kitten, who was playing in the corner, for her lack of pyjamas, or was she simply trying to distract her mother from the issue at hand?

"Pyjamas, Hannah," Kate countered, and the little girl pouted, but allowed her mother to help her into her night clothes. Wash was impressed.

Hannah crawled under the blankets and allowed her parents to kiss her goodnight and tuck her in. Wash told her a bedtime story - complete with voices, as she would expect no less from him - and they turned out the light and closed the door.

"How did you do that?" Wash marvelled. "She was being really stubborn - and I mean _really_ stubborn. And you were all 'I am Mother, heed my word,' and boom, pyjamas."

Kate looked up at Wash. "What are we calling this?"

He furrowed his brow. "Huh?"

"I can't answer Mal if I don't know the answer myself," Kate continued. "So, what are we calling this? Friends with benefits, or co-parents with sex on the side, or a one-time thing - well, two times, actually - or what?"

Wash opened his mouth to speak, but realized he didn't know the answer.

"Wash," Kate asked, "would you still want me if I wasn't the only single woman on Serenity?"

He wanted to reassure her, wanted to tell her yes, of course he would, she was beautiful, the mother of his child, so special, but found he couldn't.

"That's what I was afraid of," she said sadly. "Goodnight, Wash."

-------

"Why can't you just leave well enough alone?" Inara demanded. "Isn't anyone allowed to be happy?"

Mal was floored. "Where's this comin' from?"

"Kate and Wash deserve a little happiness, just like the rest of us," Inara continued ranting. "But you just couldn't leave it alone, could you?"

"Inara..."

"I'm sick, Mal," Inara blurted out suddenly.

Mal's eyes widened. "You need me to get the Doc?"

"No, Mal," she said softly. "I'm dying."

"You're bein' philosophical, right? Like, we're all dyin' from the day we're born," he suggested.

When Inara's eyes met his, they were filled with tears and the answer he was praying to a God he'd long since lost faith in wasn't true.


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored. **

"Simon!" Mal called out, shaking his head. "We gotta talk to Simon, 'Nara, he'll know what to do."

"Mal, I -"

"No!" Mal said, standing up. "I ain't gonna accept this. No god damned way am I gonna sit here an' take it! I lost my best friend, 'Nara, I can't lose the woman I love. It ain't right. It ain't fair! Simon!"

"No," Inara agreed, the tears in her eyes spilling over and trailing down her cheeks. "It's not. I... I had accepted it. I'd come to terms with it, but damn you, Mal! You had to go and give me something to live for."

"SIMON!" Mal bellowed at the top of his lungs. "Where the hell is that _dai dai gan mei yong yi sheng_?"

"In bed," Inara said quietly. "With his wife. Sleeping. Mal, you're going to wake the whole ship."

Not anymore, Mal thought as he heard the door in the passenger dorm open. "Well he oughta be in here, fixin' mine, damn it."

The door to Mal's bunk clanged open. "Mal? What is it?"

"Get your scrawny ass down here," Mal said icily. "You're a god damned doctor, _wei le ji du_, do your job."

"He doesn't understand," Inara told Simon as he descended the ladder. "He thinks you can just make it better, but -"

"Inara Serra, you _will_ have my children," Mal told her. "And I _will_ see what you look like with gray hair an' wrinkles an' a grandbaby in your lap. Ain't no two ways about it. Doc, do what it is I pay you for."

-------

"Woke us up, right in the middle o' the night," Kaylee said. "Y'all didn't hear him?"

"We heard 'im," Jayne said. "But he weren't callin' for neither of us, so we went back to... sleep."

River snorted, but continued eating her oatmeal.

"I was on the bridge all night," Wash admitted. "But I must have dozed off, because I didn't hear a peep."

Kate didn't look up from her bowl, despite the fact that she could feel every eye in the room on her. She hadn't said a word yet that morning, and Kaylee was starting to worry. She frowned, then continued with her story. "'Nara's sick, or somethin'. Simon says she's had whatever it is for a long time, years an' years, an' he ain't even sure he can treat it." Her voice broke as she told the others, "She's dyin'."

"Kaywinnit Lee Tam, ain't nobody ever told you mind your business?" Mal said, coming into the room finally. "'Nara ain't gonna die."

"Mal, it's a small ship," Inara said, following behind him. "They were going to hear about it sooner or later. Eventually my meds are going to stop working, and we don't have the money for the next treatment step."

"We'll find it," Mal said stubbornly. "We'll find the money, an' then we'll find the gorram cure, 'Nara." Mal looked at Wash, then Kate, and felt worse. They'd both felt the pain that he was feeling that very second, and he acted like he had the right to take away the little bit of happiness they'd managed to find for themselves. "Ain't that so?"

Inara sighed. She'd say it, just to make him feel better for the time being. "Yes, Mal. We'll find the cure."

-------

"Cheer up," Inara smiled, nudging Kate with her elbow. "It's not as though you're dying."

Kate glared at her, still cleaning up after lunch. "It's not funny, Inara," she frowned. "How can you make light of this? Don't you know what Mal's going through?"

Inara's smile grew wider. "Hey, I got you to talk. Kaylee and Simon owe me three loads of laundry. Each. You're supposed to be angry with Mal, not everyone else."

"Why?" Kate asked, "for making me realize how foolish I was being?"

"Foolish?" Inara replied. "You didn't look foolish. You looked happy, for all of five minutes. See, Mal doesn't like change. That's the only real problem he has with your relationship - it's new. It's something for him to adjust to. Once he does, everything will be water under the bridge."

"Inara, I don't really care what Mal's problem with my relationship is, because I'm not in one. I was stupid to let myself think I was." Kate sighed. "How long have you known Mal?"

"A few years."

"How long have you known you were dying?"

"Kate, I don't see -"

"How long?"

"Five." Inara said quietly. She cleared her throat. "Five years."

Kate nodded. "How many hours did you and Mal waste, dancing around each other?"

Inara closed her eyes. "Kate -"

"You are a very selfish woman, Inara," Kate whispered. "I don't think you have any right to lecture me right now."

"You're right, of course," Inara agreed. "But I'm not here to lecture you. I'm just here to point out that you're being every bit as selfish as I have. Wash deserves his happiness as much as Mal does. You think on that," she said, rising. "Wash wanted to tell you himself, but he thought you'd rather talk to me than to him - we're going to be docking in about three hours. Oh, and Hannah's singing the ass song again. Kaylee's trying to bribe her with cookies, but we're afraid she's going to make herself sick before she stops singing."

-------

"Come on," Jayne cheered. "One more an' I win!"

" - ass, ass ass _go se _ass! G'ram ass ass ass, ass ass -"

"Hannah? Hannah, it's okay to throw up if you need to, sweetie," Simon encouraged the small child.

"Ass ass, _pi gu, _ass ass ass ass. Ruttin' ass ass g'ram ass! Ass, ass ass._ Dong ma?_"

"Please?" Kaylee begged. "Please stop singin' that 'fore your mama kills me."

"You? It's me who's likely to end up dead," Wash frowned. "Kate _likes_ you. Hannah, sweetie, please -"

"She stopped!" Jayne announced.

"Wait," Simon said. "Wait for it... wait for it..."

"It's stayin' down!" Jayne exclaimed. "I win! Ha! Kiss my ass, doc."

"Ass, ass ass. Ass -"

"That don't count," the mercenary declared. "She stopped an' started again. It's still good, I still win."

"Would you like another cookie, Hannah?" Simon said, with an evil grin directed at Jayne.

"Sometimes," River mused, "I wonder who the real children are. Alleyne and Derrial never behave like this."

"We're blood," Kaylee told Wash. "Well, sort of. Not really, but as good as."

"Oh, man." Jayne said, sighing. "That is completely disgustin'. Who's gonna clean that up, now, huh? See what you done, Doc?"

"It's okay, sweetie," Simon soothed, hugging the little girl. "Does your tummy feel better now?" Hannah nodded.

"Simon!" Kaylee admonished. "An' you a doctor. Leave that poor li'l girl alone. I can't believe you two! Jayne, you clean that up. Simon, get her somethin' to settle her stomach an' don't neither one of ya so much as touch another cookie, or so help me, I'll throw ya both out the airlock."

Jayne and Simon both looked suitably ashamed and did as they were told. "See?" Wash said, shaking his head. "That. I don't get that. Is it a woman thing? Because I'm thinking, so not fair if it's somehow programmed on that second X chromosome."

"Looks like I missed the party," Kate said, eying Jayne on his hands and knees cleaning up a puddle of cookie vomit. "Who won?"

"The doc did," Jayne grumbled, gagging. "Why I gotta do the cleanin', Kaylee? I'm gonna be cleanin' the ruttin' bathrooms for the next three months."

"Because she said so," Wash told him. "Ooh, hey, that sounded fairly Dad-ish."

Kate smiled, before remembering that she was angry with him. "Come on, Hannah, let's get you cleaned up and changed before we land. Inara says we're landing soon?"

Wash felt a tiny bit of hope - she forgot to be mad for a brief moment. That was good. "We're going to dock on Isis first and get fueled up, buy supplies. I was hoping maybe I could take you and Hannah for a meal someplace?" He put on his best kicked-puppy expression, the one that always worked on everyone but Mal and Zoe.

"I don't think so," Kate said. "I've got to get a lot of grocery shopping done, and I promised Simon I'd help him practice walking in heels."

"I'll come with you then," Wash said. "You're going to need some way of getting the groceries back to the ship, and guess who knows how to drive the mule?"

"Give ya a hint," Jayne said from the floor. "Ain't me, ain't Kaylee, ain't you an' sure as hell ain't li'l Hannah."

"Thank you, Jayne," Wash said flatly. He turned back to Kate. "Come on, I'm great at carrying packages, you know that. Remember Christmas shopping?"

Kate sighed. She shot Kaylee a pleading look, and Kaylee shook her head and gestured in Wash's direction. "Fine," Kate sighed.

"Yes!" Wash cheered. "And while we're out shopping, I'm going to have to get my daughter and her mother something to eat."

Kate sighed again. "Don't you get sick of getting your way all the time?" She asked, half seriously. It was absolutely infuriating how she could never manage to stay mad at him for half as long as she wanted to.

"Nope," he grinned. "Next I'm gonna make you kiss me again, whether you like it or not. But for now, I have pilot-y things to do."

-------

"I... have no clue what I'm looking for," Simon admitted. "Inara, are you _sure_ this was a legitimate diagnosis?"

Inara shot Simon a look. "You're not seriously suggesting that my doctors made up a terminal illness, are you?"

Simon looked thoughtful. "I suppose not. Still, it merits consideration. I can't find anything on the Cortex regarding Foster's disease. Well, that's not entirely true. I found a skin condition with the same name, but it's not terminal, just a pigmentation anomaly."

"If I give you a vial of my meds, can you do a chemical analysis?" Inara asked, suspicious.

"I don't have the best equipment, but I can try," Simon replied. "Why?"

"I'm suddenly very distrusting of the Guild's physicians," she frowned. "I want to believe they wouldn't tell me I was dying if I really wasn't, but I'm starting to think that may be the case."

Simon nodded. "I wouldn't say anything to Mal until we're sure," he told her. "It would be cruel to get his hopes up for nothing."

The Mandarin:  
_dai dai gan mei yong yi sheng_ - stupid fing useless doctor  
_wei le ji du_ - for the sake of Christ


	23. Chapter 23

"Kaylee, I really can't say anything." Simon said. "I mean it. There's a thing called doctor-patient confidentiality, and I'd be breaking it if I told you." 

Kaylee sighed. "Bad news, ain't it? It ain't fair, y'know. 'Nara an' the Cap'n wasted so much time not bein' together an' now they're gonna get cut short. Life just ain't fair."

Simon smiled. He loved how Kaylee managed to take everything so personally - it mattered just as much to her that Mal and Inara got their slice of happiness as it did that she and Simon got theirs. "It's been my experience that all things happen for a reason - and not everything is always as it seems." It was the best he could offer her, for now.

-------

"What are these?"

Wash smiled at Kate. "Flowers. Y'know, pretty things, commonly sold in bouquets to suckers like me who've really screwed up?"

A smile spread across Kate's face. "Nobody's bought me flowers since... nobody's ever bought me flowers before, actually," she recalled. "What - what do I do? With them?"

"Putting them in water would be a place to start," Wash chuckled. "After that I would say putting them somewhere you can look at them would be a good second step."

"Where did you get them?"

Wash grinned. "I docked the ship, ran out to a vendor, bought them, and rushed back. I made the captain promise not to tell you we'd docked yet until I came back. So I was thinking then, after you put them someplace, you could follow that up by forgiving me, and possibly thanking me for the flowers."

Kate gave him a lopsided smile. "Don't push your luck. Flowers will only get you so far."

"But no one's ever given you flowers before, so it's up to me to figure out just how far that is."

-------

"Ain't speakin' to ya," Mal said stubbornly. "You hurt me somethin' awful, an' I ain't ready to forgive ya."

Xue cocked her head. "Mrrow?" She asked.

"You made me bleed!" Mal insisted. "Look at my thumb. Ain't my fault you looked like a sock. I had soap in my eyes!"

Xue looked, and licked the tiny wound her claw had created when Mal had startled her a few moments ago.

"You think that's just gonna make it all better?" he grumbled. Xue started purring and climbed into his lap. "Well, when ya put it that way, I ain't inclined to argue."

Inara stood in the doorway, silent and unnoticed. "Kittens can be very persuasive, can't they?" she grinned.

"I ain't speakin' to you just now, neither, an' you ain't gonna get off so easy as lickin' my thumb."

"You just did," she pointed out. "Speak to me, that is. And since you're already speaking to me, we might as well talk."

"Nothin' to talk about," Mal said tersely.

"The hell there isn't," Inara replied. "You're angry. You have every right to be."

"Damn right I'm angry, 'Nara," Mal snapped. "My momma always told me some day I'd meet a lady who'd get me so turned around I'd never know which way was up. Losin' ya so fast was never part of the bargain."

Inara ached to tell him Simon's suspicions, but she still dreaded they'd find he was wrong. "I'm here now," she said softly. "Don't turn me away."

-------

"Hi."

Kaylee looked up. "Hey, Simon." Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail and she had a smudge of grease that stretched from the middle of her forehead, down over her eye, to the middle of her right cheek. "What's up?"

Simon shrugged. "Bored, I suppose. Came to see what you were up to."

Kaylee held up the object she was piecing together. "Makin' crybabies," she explained. "Used all our reserves up gettin' away from the Operative when we picked 'Nara up," she added. "Had one left, and Mal figured it'd be best if we had some on-hand for the Vegas job."

Simon nodded. "Any idea what the plan is, besides cramming my feet into heels and stuffing a wig on my head?"

Kaylee giggled. "You mean we gotta have more of a plan than that? I figured we'd just pick a casino, walk in, and grab all the money while you, 'Nara, River an' Kate shake your booties up on stage, and get outta there."

Simon arched a brow. "As distracting as my backside is in spandex," he laughed, "I really don't think it will be that easy."

"Cap'n's plans rarely are," Kaylee admitted. "Don't know how he plans to pull off any kinda heist with Jayne still healin', though."

Simon snorted, and laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh," he said, trying to sound casual. "It's nothing, really."

Kaylee narrowed her eyes at her husband. "You ain't a very good liar," she told him. "Not to me, at least."

Simon flushed a little. "Jayne's contributing in a... different way."

It was Kaylee's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Whaddaya mean?"

"Well," Simon said, searching for a way to explain. "He's been figuring out ways we can hide weapons on our person... in our costumes."

-------

"You're pretty forthcoming with the presents today," Kate noted, as Wash handed her something wrapped in grey flannel. She unwrapped it carefully. "Wash... what is this?"

Wash gave her a blank look. "You're kidding, right? It's a gun. I know you've seen guns before. I've seen you use guns before."

"I knew it was a gun, just... why, exactly, are you giving me a gun? And a teeny little baby gun, for that matter."

Hannah, who was doing a fair impersonation of a toddler napping on the couch nearby, siezed upon the magic word. "Baby, mama?"

"Not yet, sugar plum," Wash told her. "I keep telling your Mom, but -"

"We're workin' on it, sweetie," Kate said, giving Wash a meaningful look. "Baby brothers and sisters can't be rushed."

Wash grinned widely. "Are my girls ready to go shopping?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"Jayne said... well, he thought it would come in handy, on the Vegas job. Small equals easy to conceal, right?"

Jayne, hearing his name as he passed by, stuck his head into the common area. "You stick that 'tween your tits, ain't nobody gonna mess with ya, darlin'."

Wash rolled his eyes. "What he said."

"Tits?" Hannah said, perking up a little more. "Tits tits tits, ass ass tits."

"Here we go again," Kate sighed. "Jayne, I swear I'm going to cut out your tongue in your sleep one of these nights. I'll wait 'til you piss off River somehow so she ain't keen to stop me. Just you wait."

"Ass ass g'ram ass, ass ass tits!"

-------

River tossed and turned. She hadn't slept at all that night, and Jayne had made her promise to nap, but she was plagued by nightmares.

_"Simon, run," Kate said. "Now! Go!"_

_Simon shook his head. "Kaylee will skin me if I turn up without you. If I go, we both go."_

_"I have a gun," Kate pointed out. "You don't. Get the hell out of here, and get back to the ship. I need you to make sure my baby and your babies are okay."_

_Simon sighed. "Kate -"_

_"Do it!"_

_Simon ran, a ridiculous sight in his spangled corset and wig - thank god he'd ditched the heels. Kate saw a bullet strike his left thigh, but he kept running. She prayed he'd make it back safe._

_Kate dashed from the crate they'd been using for cover and with one shot took out the man holding Wash. His eyes met hers with a grateful smile, but it faded to fear when a shot rang out and he realized she was hit._

_"What the hell part of 'stay with the boat' didn't you get?" Kate said, her hand pressed against the bullet wound. The white satin brocade was blossoming red despite her attempts. There was one more shot, followed by silence._

_"That's the last of 'em," Mal said, relieved. "I think the lady's question deserves an answer, but it can wait 'til we get back to the ship."_

_"This is the last time," Wash said angrily. "I've had enough of your _si wang di yuan wang_, and this is the last time I let one of my women get this close to death because of you."_

_"Wash, stop..." Kate whispered, and her eyes closed._

River sat up, gasping.

The Mandarin:_  
si wang di yuan wang_ - death wish


	24. Chapter 24

Kate had just finished getting Hannah ready for their shopping expedition with Wash, when Hannah started in on the temper tantrum to end all tantrums.

"You want me to what?" Mal asked, over the sound of the screaming toddler.

"She wants you," Kate said, clearly flustered. "I... really I don't see the appeal in spending the day with a grouchy old captain, but, there it is."

"So you want me to babysit?" Mal's eyes shifted back and forth between Kate and Wash and their little girl.

"We need to stock up the kitchen and get the boat fueled," Wash said reasonably. "We can't do either of those things with her hollering her head off, Mal."

Mal scowled. "You don't fool me, you know. I know you're gonna go have a little romantic escapade while I keep the munchkin occupied."

Wash rolled his eyes. "Groceries, Mal. Who better to pick out the food than the woman who cooks it for you? Simon stocks the infirmary, Kaylee shops for engine parts..."

"Fine, point taken," Mal grumbled. "One condition."

"Which is?" Kate asked, relieved.

"Pot roast. Carrots, potatoes, onions, the works."

Kate grinned. "I love my captain."

Mal scooped Hannah up into his arms muttering something about her mama spending too much time with her auntie Kaylee. "I wanna shove off this rock by sundown," he called back over his shoulder. "We got places to go and people to rob."

"Yes, sir," Wash said, with a funny, cock-eyed salute that he thankfully didn't see.

-------

"We can stop to rest a minute if you need to."

"Kaylee," Inara said for the fifth time since they'd left the boat. "_Mei-mei, _please. I'm not going to break."

Kaylee looked sheepish. "I know, 'Nara, it's just that I can't help worryin' about ya. Are you sure you oughta be goin' on this job tomorrow?"

Inara smiled warmly. "I have to earn my keep just like the rest of you," she pointed out. "Everything's going to be fine. The Vegas job is going to go more smoothly than you can imagine, and then Mal will relax a little." She hoped she was right.

"What if the job don't go smooth?" Kaylee asked, running her hands over a stack of tiny folded baby clothes.

"We'll be fine," the former Companion said confidently, "just like we always are."

Kaylee wanted to point out that they weren't always fine - take the Shepherd and Zoe for example - but chose to nod silently. "River ain't sleepin' good," she said, changing the subject. "Jayne made her promise to nap some more today, says she keeps wakin' up screamin' or gaspin' like she's havin' nightmares."

Inara frowned. "She's been doing so well, lately."

"Jayne made me promise not to tell Simon, 'cause he'll just give her a smoother an' she don't like bein' drugged." Kaylee grinned. "They're awful cute, ain't they, River an' Jayne?"

"They're something," Inara laughed. "It might be cute, but I'm not sure that would be the first word that springs to mind. Disturbing, perhaps."

-------

"Yes, Foster's disease," Simon repeated. "A malady of the respiratory system, causing the slow deterioration of bronchial tissue over the course of -"

"I heard you the first time, son," the elderly doctor said. "I can tell you right now what you're looking for doesn't exist."

Simon's eyes lit up. "Really? How can you be sure?"

"Your patient by any chance a Companion?"

Simon stared blankly at the old man. "That would be breaking doctor/patient confidentiality," he said, finally.

"Take that as a yes, son. Your patient's been hoodwinked," the old man told him, "And you can take it from me, she's gonna be just fine."

"I'm not sure I can take the word of a stranger on such a serious matter," Simon said suspiciously.

"I'm no stranger," the man said. "I'm Dr. Thaddeus Foster, former medical consultant for the Companion's guild, boy, and I know from whence I speak."

-------

_Inara grabbed River's hand and dragged her away from the melee._

_"Simon!" River cried. "We have to help him!"_

_"Simon's fine," Inara lied calmly. "He's with Kate, they're fine. We've got to get back to the ship."_

_"No!" River sobbed. "It's all going to end in blood! It always ends in blood!"_

_"Stop it!" Inara snapped, her soothing voice becoming harsh. "Simon and Mal have more to worry about than whether you and I are all right, so we have to get back to the ship, _ma shong.

_River whimpered and followed Inara back to the ship._

_"Where's Wash?" Inara asked Kaylee when they stumbled into the cargo bay. "Tell him to take a shuttle. Kate, Simon and Mal need an evac, now." _

_Jayne looked confused, taking the crying River into his arms. "We thought he was with you."_

_When Hannah saw River crying, she started crying, too. "Jayne, take Hannah and River up to the mess and fix 'em a snack, wouldja?" Kaylee said, a worried look on her face._

_Jayne looked doubtfully at Kaylee, but scooped Hannah up with one arm. "Come on now, girls, let's go have us a cookie or two."_

_The sound of gunshots was all Wash could hear as he searched for Kate; his vision was clouded by smoke. Suddenly someone was holding him by the throat, the cold metal of a pistol's barrel pressed to his temple. The man behind him laughed, and then there was a distinct shot, and the man went silent and released Wash from his hold._

_His eyes met Kate's with a grateful smile, but it faded to fear when a shot rang out and he realized she was hit._

_"What the hell part of 'stay with the boat' didn't you get?" Kate said, her hand pressed against the bullet wound. The white satin brocade was blossoming red despite her attempts. There was one more shot, followed by silence._

_"That's the last of 'em," Mal said, relieved. "I think the lady's question deserves an answer, but it can wait 'til we get back to the ship."_

_"This is the last time," Wash said angrily. "I've had enough of your _si wang di yuan wang_, and this is the last time I let one of my women get this close to death because of you."_

_"Wash, stop..." Kate whispered, and her eyes closed._

_"We've got to get her back to the boat," Wash breathed, his eyes full of fear._

_Mal knelt by Kate, picked up her arm to check her wrist for a pulse. "She ain't gonna make it back to the boat," Mal said sadly. "She's gone."_

"No!" River screamed, sitting bolt upright.

"Hey, hey, baby, it's okay," Jayne said soothingly, dropping the knife he'd been sharpening onto the small table, to perch on the bed next to her and take her into his arms. "S'all right. Just a dream."

River blinked a few times, clearing the sleep from her eyes, and looked up at him. "Is it?"

-------

Mal stared helplessly at the little girl before him. "Potty?" he repeated, flustered. "I... nobody told me there was gonna be pottying involved here. Do ya just use the regular toilet, or is there some kind of special -"

"Big girl," Hannah told him. "Hannah need potty."

"Big girl," he repeated, thinking he must sound like a parrot, but then, he reckoned Hannah didn't know what a parrot was. "Okay, let's go find the potty." In his nervous state he forgot the small bathroom off the common area and brought her to the main bathroom in the crew dorms.

Hannah stared at him expectantly.

"What?" He looked down at her. Right, she probably couldn't manage the taking down of her pants or the climbing onto the toilet seat on her own, could she? He averted his eyes awkwardly, hauling the little girl's britches down to her knees and planting her on the seat, where she looked dangerously close to falling in.

Hannah stared at him some more.

"Go on," Mal said. "Do... whatever it is you need to do."

"Story?"

Mal muttered something in Mandarin that he really hoped the toddler didn't add to her ever-growing Ass Song, hitched up his pants to sit on the floor, and started trying to come up with a story that would encourage her to use the bathroom. He didn't even want to think about the cleaning up required afterwards.

-------

"You made up a disease?" Simon stared at Dr. Foster in shock. "You lied to... I can't even fathom how many patients, just to drug them?"

"The drug was supposed to dampen their ability to make emotional connections," Dr. Foster said. "It was meant to keep them loyal to the Guild."

"What ever happened to the Hippocratic Oath, Dr. Foster? 'First do no harm'?" Simon couldn't even begin to understand the doctor's motives.

Dr. Foster sighed. "I was young, like you are now, Doctor. I didn't think I _was_ doing any harm, don't you see? Once I realized how wrong what we were doing was, it was out of my hands."

Simon goggled at him for a few moments. "What... what kind of effect do you think this drug might have on a patient whose amygdala has been stripped?"

-------

"Admit it," Wash said. "Come on, Kate, I know I saw you smile at least three times."

Kate shook her head and sighed, smiling again. "Fine. I admit it. I had fun. But we weren't supposed to be having fun, we were supposed to be doing the groceries."

"We got the shopping done," Wash shrugged. "Eventually. I don't think I've heard you say you forgive me, yet."

Kate gave him a mock-glare. "Maybe I haven't yet."

"Kate," Wash said, in as serious a tone as he could manage when he felt like swooping her up into his arms and spinning her around in circles because he was just so happy she wasn't pushing him away, "You know you can't stay mad at me. I'm too cute."

She swatted his arm. "It's not fair that you know that," she said. "That takes away any kind of power I might have had over you."

"No," Wash said, shaking his head. "It really doesn't." He started to unload groceries from the back of the mule. "I'll bring these up to the kitchen, you go rescue the captain from Hannah."

"River's got Hannah," Jayne said. They hadn't even seen him there, leaning casually against the railing at the bottom of the catwalks. "The captain... he's gone a mite twitchy."


	25. Chapter 25

Jayne knew River's nightmares were getting bad when she sent him to Simon for a smoother. She hated being drugged, and had been going to great lengths to avoid it, as of late.

Jayne drew himself up to his full height as he approached the infirmary door."Hey, doc?"

Simon looked up to see the mercenary standing in the doorway. "Not now, Jayne," Simon groaned. He had Kaylee in his arms, and she was giggling.

"Um, River wanted me to ask you -"

"Not _now_, Jayne," Simon said more firmly. "Right now I need to take my wife to bed. If no one's dying, it can wait 'til morning."

-------

_Inara grabbed River's hand and dragged her away from the melee._

_"Simon!" River cried. "We have to help him!"_

_"Simon's fine," Inara lied calmly. "He's with Kate, they're fine. We've got to get back to the ship."_

_"No!" River sobbed. "It's all going to end in blood! It always ends in blood!"_

_"Stop it!" Inara snapped, her soothing voice becoming harsh. "Simon and Mal have more to worry about than whether you and I are all right, so we have to get back to the ship, _ma shong.

_River whimpered and followed Inara back to the ship._

_"Where's Wash?" Inara asked Kaylee when they stumbled into the cargo bay. "Tell him to take a shuttle. Kate, Simon and Mal need an evac, now." _

_Jayne looked confused, taking the crying River into his arms. "We thought he was with you."_

_When Hannah saw River crying, she started crying, too. "Kaylee, take Hannah and River up to the mess and fix 'em a snack, wouldja?" Jayne said, a worried look on his face._

_Kaylee looked doubtfully at him, but scooped Hannah up with one arm. "Come on now, girls, let's go have us a cookie or two."_

_"No," River said. "I'm going with you."_

_Jayne frowned. "'Nara can fly the shuttle, an' I can handle the cover fire, darlin'."_

_River gave him a look that reminded them all just how well she could handle herself, and Jayne shrugged. "Fine, then, darlin', let's go."_

_The sound of gunshots was all Wash could hear as he searched for Kate; his vision was clouded by smoke. Suddenly someone was holding him by the throat, the cold metal of a pistol's barrel pressed to his temple. The man behind him laughed, and then there was a distinct shot, and the man went silent and released Wash from his hold._

_His eyes met Kate's with a grateful smile, but it faded to fear when a shot rang out and he realized she was hit._

_"What the hell part of 'stay with the boat' didn't you get?" Kate said, her hand pressed against the bullet wound. The white satin brocade was blossoming red despite her attempts. There was one more shot, followed by silence._

_"That's the last of 'em," Mal said, relieved. "I think the lady's question deserves an answer, but it can wait 'til we get back to the ship."_

_"This is the last time," Wash said angrily. "I've had enough of your _si wang di yuan wang_, and this is the last time I let one of my women get this close to death because of you."_

_"Wash, stop..." Kate whispered, and her eyes closed._

_"We've got to get her back to the boat," Wash breathed, his eyes full of fear._

_Mal knelt by Kate, picked up her arm to check her wrist for a pulse. "She ain't gonna make it back to the boat," Mal said sadly. "She's gone."_

_"No," Wash said, shaking his head. "She can't be gone." He looked down at the gun in his hand, then back at Mal, his eyes narrowing. "You," he said, pointing the gun at Mal. "You _xiongmeng de kuangren_, you kill everything I love!"_

_Fear flashed in Mal's eyes. He knew the look Wash was wearing now - it was that of a man who had nothing left to lose. "Think about Hannah," he said, dropping Kate's wrist and putting his hands up in a display of surrender._

_"I am," Wash said coldly, clenching his jaw, squeezing the trigger. Once for Zoe, once for Kate, and once more for little Hannah. His jaw dropped, and he let the gun fall from his hand. "Mal... Oh, god, Kate." He watched as the gun fell to the ground in slow motion, and turned to run for the ship. He tripped over a body and fell. It was Simon, face down, still half in drag, with a bullet in his leg and another in the back of his head. Wash turned his head and was sick._

_"I can't get any control," Inara said, her voice shaky. "River? I can't control the shuttle. We're going to crash!"_

_River nodded and held Jayne's hand tightly. "It's all going to end in blood." _

"River," Jayne said, shaking her. "Come on, wake up. Your good-fer-nothin' brother had to go sex up li'l Kaylee, but I had 'Nara fix ya up a smoother instead."

"It always ends in blood. It gets worse every time," River said softly. "But I can't tell."

"It's just a dream," Jayne told her. "Don't mean a thing."

"I wish I could believe you," she whispered, burying her face in the pillows. "Drug me, please. I don't want to dream anymore."

-------

Kate couldn't stop herself from laughing. "And, you're scarred for life now? Is that it?"

"You could've warned me, is all I'm sayin'," Mal said. "I ain't never wiped an ass weren't my own, Kate."

Wash snorted. "She can do it herself, you know."

Mal's eyes went wide as saucers. "That little... she was playin' me?"

Kate nodded. "Like a finely tuned guitar, Captain."

"Her pants have snaps," Wash said. "She's got a little step stool she climbs up on."

Mal twitched. "So this is what happens when two smartasses mate."

"Get used to it," Kate grinned. "In a couple years Kaylee and Simon's babies will be pulling the same kinds of stunts, and who knows? Maybe you and 'Nara will have rugrats of your own by then."

It was a sobering thought - that he might end up a single dad - and Mal twitched again.

-------

"Simon, if this is your idea of a joke..."

"Inara, no, I spoke with Dr. Foster - the Dr. Foster that Foster's disease is named for. The entire illness was an elaborate ruse to keep Companions loyal to the Guild. You were sworn to secrecy, correct?"

Inara nodded slowly. "No client would choose to contract with a Companion he or she thought was dying," she recited, almost word for word, what she'd been told. "And the other Companions might worry for their own safety."

Simon smiled. "Every Companion believes they have this mysterious malady, Inara. The false knowledge of your impending death, combined with the inhibitor you were injecting was meant to keep you from forming emotional bonds, to keep you loyal to the Guild." Simon backed away when he realized Inara looked as though she could punch someone; he didn't particularly want it to be him.

"I... need to be alone," Inara said softly. "If I'm needed, I'll be in my shuttle, but I'd really prefer to be undisturbed."

-------

"Get lost," Jayne told the white kitten sitting on his chest. He was attempting to do some bench presses - a bit too early after his injury, and without a spotter - but Xue wasn't inclined to let him get away with it.

"Mrow," she told him sharply, digging her claws in just the tiniest bit.

Jayne sighed. "I ain't gonna hurt nothin', I just gotta... why am I explainin' myself to a gorram kitten?" He could swear the smudge of grey just above Xue's right eye cocked at him. "Go find some vermin to chase or somethin' an' leave me be."

Xue curled up on his chest and closed her eyes.

"Oh, what the hell," he said, mentally shrugging. His weight bench was as good a place as any for a nap, and with River nightmaring the way she had been, he wasn't getting as much sleep as he needed lately anyhow, so he gave in and closed his eyes.

The Mandarin:_  
xiongmeng de kuangren_ - violent lunatic


	26. Chapter 26

_Inara grabbed River's hand and dragged her away from the melee._

_"Simon!" River cried. "We have to help him!"_

_"Simon's fine," Inara lied calmly. "He's with Kate, they're fine. We've got to get back to the ship."_

_"No!" River sobbed. "It's all going to end in blood! It always ends in blood!"_

_"Stop it!" Inara snapped, her soothing voice becoming harsh. "Simon and Mal have more to worry about than whether you and I are all right, so we have to get back to the ship, _ma shong.

_River whimpered and followed Inara back to the ship._

_"Where's Wash?" Inara asked Kaylee when they stumbled into the cargo bay. "Tell him to take a shuttle. Kate, Simon and Mal need an evac, now." _

_Jayne looked confused, taking the crying River into his arms. "We thought he was with you."_

_When Hannah saw River crying, she started crying, too. "Kaylee, take Hannah and River up to the mess and fix 'em a snack, wouldja?" Jayne said, a worried look on his face._

_Kaylee looked doubtfully at him, but scooped Hannah up with one arm. "Come on now, girls, let's go have us a cookie or two."_

_"No," River said. "I'm going with you."_

_Jayne frowned. "'Nara can fly the shuttle, an' I can handle the cover fire, darlin'."_

_River gave him a look that reminded them all just how well she could handle herself, and Jayne shrugged. "Fine, then, darlin', let's go."_

_The sound of gunshots was all Wash could hear as he searched for Kate; his vision was clouded by smoke. Suddenly someone was holding him by the throat, the cold metal of a pistol's barrel pressed to his temple. The man behind him laughed, and then there was a distinct shot, and the man went silent and released Wash from his hold._

_His eyes met Kate's with a grateful smile, but it faded to fear when a shot rang out and he realized she was hit._

_"What the hell part of 'stay with the boat' didn't you get?" Kate said, her hand pressed against the bullet wound. The white satin brocade was blossoming red despite her attempts. There was one more shot, followed by silence._

_"That's the last of 'em," Mal said, relieved. "I think the lady's question deserves an answer, but it can wait 'til we get back to the ship."_

_"This is the last time," Wash said angrily. "I've had enough of your _si wang di yuan wang_, and this is the last time I let one of my women get this close to death because of you."_

_"Wash, stop..." Kate whispered, and her eyes closed._

_"We've got to get her back to the boat," Wash breathed, his eyes full of fear._

_Mal knelt by Kate, picked up her arm to check her wrist for a pulse. "She ain't gonna make it back to the boat," Mal said sadly. "She's gone."_

_"No," Wash said, shaking his head. "She can't be gone." He looked down at the gun in his hand, then back at Mal, his eyes narrowing. "You," he said, pointing the gun at Mal. "You _xiongmeng de kuangren_, you kill everything I love!"_

_Fear flashed in Mal's eyes. He knew the look Wash was wearing now - it was that of a man who had nothing left to lose. "Think about Hannah," he said, dropping Kate's wrist and putting his hands up in a display of surrender._

_"I am," Wash said coldly, clenching his jaw, squeezing the trigger. Once for Zoe, once for Kate, and once more for little Hannah. His jaw dropped, and he let the gun fall from his hand. "Mal... Oh, god, Kate." He watched as the gun fell to the ground in slow motion, and turned to run for the ship. He tripped over a body and fell. It was Simon, face down, still half in drag, with a bullet in his leg and another in the back of his head. Wash turned his head and was sick._

_He could hear Hannah screaming, and Kaylee singing an old Chinese lullaby in a flat, dead voice, and he placed the barrel of the gun between his lips and squeezed once more, for himself._

_"I can't get any control," Inara said, her voice shaky. "River? I can't control the shuttle. We're going to crash!"_

_River nodded and held Jayne's hand tightly. "It's all going to end in blood." The shuttle careened, glancing off the side of a casino and landing in a fiery heap on the ground. Inara died on impact, River could see, and Jayne's left arm was gone at the shoulder. He was bleeding to death, and so was she. She looked down and told the piece of the console that jutted from her abdomen, "It always ends in blood!"_

_-------_

"How long has she been like this?" Simon demanded. "Jayne, what the hell were you thinking?"

"I tried to get you last night, doc, but you was too busy sexin' up the missus!" The tendons in Jayne's neck were standing out, and a vein bulged in the middle of his head. "She's been havin' these terrible dreams night an' day, but she didn't start doin' throwin' up 'til this mornin'."

Simon laid the palm of his hand against River's forehead. She was curled up on her side, in a fetal position. "She's burning up! River, _mei-mei_, do you hurt?"

River opened one eye and moaned, giving Simon half of a glare.

"Stupid question," Jayne said, voicing Simon's own realization. Simon gently uncurled River's body and prodded her abdomen with a cautious, clinical hand.

When River's fist connected with Simon's nose, he figured he'd hit a tender spot. "Jayne, I need you to carry her to the infirmary, immediately. I'm afraid River's appendix may have burst, but I'm not sure I have time to do a blood culture to see if she's gone septic. Go. Now!"

"What about you?"

"I'll be there as soon as I staunch this nosebleed, Jayne. Get moving!"

-------

Simon stuck his head out into the hallway where the crew were all waiting. Hannah was asleep in her father's arms, her head on his shoulder and her thumb in her mouth.

"What's the good word, doc?" Jayne asked hopefully.

"How's our li'l albatross?" Mal added.

"Well," Simon said, smiling with relief. "She's minus one appendix, and I've got her on a course of antibiotics to clear up the infection. She's awake now, though, if you'd like to see her now, Jayne. She's asking for you."

The look of gratitude on Jayne's face was shocking enough, but no one expected what happened next - Jayne pulled the doctor into a big bear hug and left him standing there looking confused as he went in to visit the patient.

Mal, Kaylee and Wash all said, "Huh." in chorus, while Simon's mouth flapped and no sound escaped.

"Well," Inara said. "Seems like today is a day for good news, doesn't it?" She squeezed Mal's hand. "I'm okay."

Mal peered at her cautiously. "Okay, okay, or okay for now?"

"Foster's disease is a sham," Simon said. "Inara has a clean bill of health."

"Foster's... what?" Mal frowned. "What did I miss, here?"

Simon smiled. "I spoke to Dr. Foster, the former medical consultant for the -"

"I think we're going to go put Hannah to bed," Wash said, standing up and grabbing Kate's hand. "It's been a long day. Simon, giver River our best, will you?" He shot Kaylee a look, and Kaylee nodded.

"Simon, can me an' the babies go say hi to their auntie?" Kaylee asked, in her most charming voice.

Simon gave her a strange look, then nodded. "Go ahead, but not for too long. She needs her rest."

Halfway back to Hannah's room, Kate elbowed Wash in the side. "What was that about?"

"Mal," Wash explained calmly, "is about to explode. Believe me. You don't want to be there."

-------

River was groggy from the drugs Simon had used to put her under for the surgery, but she beamed up at Jayne when he entered the room. "Just dreams," she said brightly. "The blood was mine, it was just a dream!"

Jayne chuckled and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "Ain't that what I been tellin' ya all along? Ya gave us all a scare, River girl, an' I'm 'a kick your ass, you pull a stunt like this again."

River smiled sleepily. "You couldn't kick my ass, Jayne."

She was right, of course, and there were two very good reasons why; first, there was her behaviour when they were faced with certain death at the hands of a swarm of Reavers, and then there was the fact that Jayne wasn't fond of laying hands on any woman, let alone the one he loved. It still confused him to think about that. Love wasn't something he'd expected to find out in the black, least of all with a girl half his age who could easily take him down.

"Hey, River," Kaylee said, ducking into the room quietly. "How ya feelin'?"

"Jayne struck Simon dumb, and everybody's not going to die violent, bloody deaths," River said cheerfully. "I can't feel anything below my ribs yet."

-------

"Mal, don't blow this out of proportion," Inara begged, even though she knew he wasn't going to let the Guild's treachery go that easily.

"Out of proportion?" Mal turned to look at her. "They been lyin' to ya for years an' shootin' ya full of who knows what, an' you think I'm blowin' it out of proportion? 'Nara, what if the drug had worked on ya as well as they'd planned? What if... what if 'us' never happened, on account o' them? It ain't a stretch, coulda happened that way just as easy."

Inara didn't say anything; she knew he was right.

"I'm... going to go check on River," Simon said quickly.

"Wave your friend, tell him we ain't gonna make it for his show."

"What? Mal, what about -"

"We can still get hitched nice an' easy on Vegas," Mal said reasonably, "but River ain't gonna be in any condition to prance around in some fancy get-up an' shoes so tall even the doc's scared o' fallin' off 'em, an' him in perfect health. An' once we're all legalized an' whatnot, we're gonna spread the word about the Guild."

"How do you plan to do that?"

"Know a place," Mal said casually. "Got feeds all over the 'verse. Flip a couple switches an' everyone from here to Londonium knows about the _fei hua_ they've been pullin'."

Inara's eyes widened. "You can't mean you intend to make Wash go back -"

"Can't stop the signal, darlin'."


	27. Chapter 27

"Nothin'," Kaylee said, her eyes wide with fear and wonder. "Not a peep."

"This is not good," Wash said. "Nothing good ever comes of Mal... bottling."

Inara groaned. "I can't just watch while he self-destructs."

"Why not?" Jayne asked. "Could be a mite entertainin'." His smirk faded at River's glare. "I'm just sayin'," he shrugged.

"Mal doesn't strike me as the kind of guy to let somethin' like this go," Kate frowned. "Did he tell anyone where he's gone?"

"Oh no," Simon said, a look of dread marring his features. "Dr. Foster."

River sighed. "He gave you the drugs, and the theories, and the speculation, but you can't replace what's been taken. Humans are highly adaptable creatures," she told her brother. "Give me time, not needles."

-------

"Dr. Foster isn't taking patients today," the pretty, young Asian woman at the desk informed Mal.

"I ain't a patient," Mal said, barely concealing the growl in his voice. "Me an' the good doctor got us some business to discuss."

"Name?"

"_Shen me?_"

"Name, please."

Mal raised an eyebrow and his nostrils flared. He braced both hands on her desk and leaned in close. "I ain't fond o' doin' violence to womenfolk, but if you don't let me in to see that _huài dàn_ sham of a _yi sheng_ right this very second, little girl, I promise you there will be trouble."

"Right this way, sir," the girl said, not so much as flinching as she stood and opened the door for him. "Dr. Foster's office is the third door on the left, just after the scales."

Mal headed down the hallway with a courteous nod to the girl, and she sat back down at her desk. She pressed a button on the cortex panel at her desk. "Malcolm Reynolds to see you, doctor."

-------

"Something's wrong," River said casually, watching Jayne and Simon as they attempted to play cards, both of the men distracted by the toddler under the table unlacing their shoes.

"Hm?" Simon asked, raising an eyebrow and turning to spare his sister the slightest of glances.

"Something's wrong," she repeated.

"What's that, _bao bei_?" Jayne asked, laying down his cards. "Read 'em an' weep, doc," he said proudly. "That's dish duty for a month, Dr. Fancy Pants."

"Wrong!" River insisted. "Why won't you listen?"

Kaylee came in and set a glass of juice down next to River. "What's wrong, _mei-mei_?"

River looked thoughtful. "The doctor's dead," she said, finally.

"I'm not losing that badly," Simon said, offering Kate a smile as she entered the room. "I could still make a comeback, you know."

"Not you," Kate said, frowning. "I was just on the bridge with Wash, and it's all over the Cortex. Your Dr. Foster? They just found him dead."

"What?" Simon stood up and made to head for the bridge. He got two steps before he fell on his face, much to the amusement of the toddler under the table, who shrieked with laughter.

Jayne's booming laughter echoed Hannah's, until he got up himself. He made it two steps further than Simon had before falling nearly on top of him, and Hannah's peals of giggles were drowned out by a particularly creative string of Chinese curses. "She tied ya together! She really is her daddy's girl, ain't she?" Kaylee commented, bending to peer under the table at the little girl, who stopped laughing long enough to smile innocently at her.

River offered them a weak smile. "I told you."

-------

"You ain't Dr. Foster," Mal said plainly. That much was obvious.

"No," the woman sitting at the doctor's desk replied. "I'm the grieving widow."

"Right. Who ain't you married to, these days?" The doctor was dead, then, Mal realized. And he'd been plannin' to do some quality violence to the man, too.

Saffron smiled. "It's good to see you, too, hubby."

"Mm," Mal grunted. "What did ya do to the good doctor, then?"

Saffron looked scandalized. "Didn't lay a hand on the man," she said, with a look of innocence that Mal recognized from his first encounter with the woman, and therefore didn't buy for a second. "I didn't, jackass," she insisted. "He blew the back of his head off in the bathroom last night. They've probably found him by now, though."

Okay, now Mal was interested. "He done it himself and robbed me of the pleasure? Now, that's a damn shame."

"Yeah," Saffron nodded. "Except for the part where he left me every damn thing he owned in his will. I'm a rich woman, finally."

"Well, good for you," Mal said, suspiciously. "What the gorram hell you doin' here?"

"I knew you'd be around, when Thad described your prissy doctor to a tee," she said, standing up and moving closer. "Now that you know the truth and all, I knew you'd want revenge, and I was thinking maybe I could help ya get it."

"How can you help me?"

"You seen what I done to your ship, and in no time flat," she said, her eyes softening just the tiniest bit. "You know I'm good with tech. I can help you spread the word about the Guild."

"Okay, let me rephrase," Mal said. "Why would you help me? And why would I let you?"

Saffron rolled her eyes. "The Guild had me fooled, too, you idiot. I spent I-don't-know-how-many years living like I was dying only to find out when I married this fat old bastard that I'm not, and that makes me all kinds of angry. And when I get angry, I get even. I wish I had pulled the trigger," she said honestly. "I would have been happy to stay Mrs. Yolanda Haymer, but when you think you aren't going to live out the year, you do stupid things." She sounded almost wistful.

Mal smirked. "Like Heinrich the security programmer?"

Crossing her arms, Saffron glared daggers at Mal. "Yes, just like that," she said, scowling. "Do you want my help, or not?"

Mal pretended to think. "I'm gonna have to go with 'not.'" He turned to leave.

"Wait," she called, desperation slipping into her voice. "I'm tired of running," she said, and he scanned her face for any kind of hint that she wasn't lying through her teeth. "I want to find a life of my own, but first I need to be able to move on from this, okay, Mal? I want to help."

"No."

"Please?"

"No." Mal slammed the door behind him.

-------

"We don't know he's walking into a trap," Wash said reasonably. "Maybe he gets to the office, finds out the doctor's dead, and... I don't know, goes shopping for a new brown leather duster and a funny hat."

Kate, Kaylee and River all rolled their eyes in sync, and Simon snorted.

"You three are spendin' way too much time together," Jayne said, shaking his head.

Inara glided into the room, and immediately looked stricken. "I heard the word trap and I don't see Mal," she said, frowning. "He's done something very stupid again, hasn't he?"

"Possibly," Simon said honestly. "We can't be sure, but... Wash and Kate just heard over the Cortex that Dr. Foster committed suicide sometime last night, and we think Mal's gone to his offices to exact some kind of foolish revenge."

Inara sat down calmly at the table. "If whoever he finds at that office doesn't kill him, I may," she said, her nostrils flaring ever-so-slightly.

"I'm starting to hope he did go shopping," Kate said, leaning back in her seat. "Do you folks ever make, y'know, friends with people? Or is it strictly mortal enemies, all the way?"

"The mortal enemies tend to kill the friends," Jayne said bluntly.

"Looks like Mal did go shopping," Wash said, as Mal walked in, looking very annoyed. "Clearance sale at She-Devils R Us, Captain?"

The others looked up to see Saffron standing a little bit behind the captain.

"Becky?" Kate asked, surprised. "God, it's been years. What are you doing here?"


End file.
